Fit before cancer - does that make it harder?

@edj3 - I am an sexual abuse survivor too. Definitely that is not something I want to have in common with anyone but we are indeed related. I did a lot of work on my issues and I feel so upset that I am facing them again. My husband told me that this has been such a bad year for me with PTSD, that I had been doing so well before the cancer diagnosis dragged up everything to the surface.

When I was diagnosed, I said to myself that cancer is not the worst thing I have been through. This came to me almost immediately. Being raped as a little child was. It hurts so much more. But I never expected one to impact the other.

It is sad b/c I know in my heart that the people treating me for cancer are such wonderful people who only wanted to help me. I did tell the people at radiation that I am a sexual abuse survivor, because I found radiation to be scary on that level when I went for the simulation, and they paired me with two women so I didn't feel as bad. These women kept me laughing the whole time, I love them. We all cried on my last day.

Unfortunately, both clubs are full of members. I feel like so many people have been sexually abused. Whenever I share my story, there is often something the other person has to share.

I had a very hard childhood, very abusive in every way and I was out on my own as a teenager because my parents were so messed up. I don't have bad feelings about it in many ways because it made me the person I am. I'm a phenomenal success story on every level when you consider where I come from or even if you don't! But I did spend my life waiting for the other shoe to drop after a very very good life since I was able to get into college which was my escape from it all. At age 48 this year - it dropped with the cancer diagnosis - while I was helping to plan my 25th college reunion actually - you know, the one where I was going to show off all my success to everyone LOL. My family was very poor growing up and of course, being left out on my own I was broke - so I was most scared of not being able to make money after the diagnosis. I own two businesses and they are our whole income, my husband works with me. We are both from humble families and everything we have we worked very hard for. I thought - ok this is it, I'm done for, I will lose everything.

Here's what happened instead: I grew one of our businesses by 30% and it is still growing! Granted, I was not faced with a situation where I could not work but it was HARD. I went to meetings with bandages on my chest and people just love hugging you! I woke up every day at 6 to be the first in the door for radiation so I could be back at my desk working asap. But I did it with help from my husband who was a real soldier! When I said I was a survivor one day my husband said no, you aren't surviving cancer treatment, you are thriving, it's amazing.

Of course now, I'm not as strong for some reason!

I am a little tight in the side breast area and it does hurt a bit to raise my arm sometimes, but I have full range of motion back. The RO didn't say anything about stretching but I guess b/c I started PT during radiation, he figured I was doing plenty of stretching!

I have a tiny problem with a bulging disc and when I went to PT for that, I noticed that the exercises she gave me were things I did in pilates - so I decided to incorporate pilates and more core training into my routine and the back pain stopped. Of course I haven't been to pilates in months but it's on my list! My trainer basically hammers my core which was very weak when I ended treatment for some reason but I have really come back there - if I play my cards right I might get a six pack out of the deal. But I do my back exercises every day when I can't do pilates b/c it feels good. So I guess I will do the same with stretching the affected area. I do notice it hurts when I wake up and goes away as the day progresses.

BC will not come between me and my fitness!