Sadness for future

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awnie1301
awnie1301 Member Posts: 59
edited November 2019 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I seem to be in a particularly bad funk lately and am hoping for some support on these boards.

My diagnosis was July 2013...Stage 3A, 5 lymph nodes, ER/PR +. You can see by my signature that I had pretty much everything thrown at it and completed my chemo in Jan 2014 (so will be 6 yrs out this Jan...my onc likes to count from last chemo).

I have had a number of complications related to my mastectomies and the 2 attempts at reconstruction, finally resulting in permanent removal of my implants just over a year ago. I have also gone on to be diagnosed with an autoimmune disease affecting my joints and spine.

I guess it may be understandable that I find myself, at times, with an intense and overwhelming sadness. I have been looking at the most recent stats on long term prognosis for my Stage 3 diagnosis. From what I am reading it looks like my risk of remaining disease free drops by on average 2% per year from diagnosis. At this point making it to my early 60's (I was diagnosed at 44) is looking bleak.

I am trying to be gracious and find the positive but some days it seems a daunting task.

Thanks for reading.

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  • IAmACat
    IAmACat Member Posts: 108
    edited November 2019

    As a fellow stage 3er, I feel you. My tools for alleviating the sadness are talking to people about cancer and death in the most positive way possible, getting outside the house so I am not alone with my thoughts, and trying to be humorous about my cancer. 


    A few weeks ago, my MO suggested I see a psychologist about my anxiety regarding death from cancer. Now I know she didn't mean that she was preparing me for my eventual death from cancer (or maybe she was), but my internal reaction was, "LADY I AM NOT DEAD YET!!! WTF!!!" I am not even afraid of death from cancer to the extent that I am afraid of recurrence leading to death from cancer. 

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  • SSInUK
    SSInUK Member Posts: 245
    edited November 2019

    I totally totally get it. I have lots of those days. But honestly I dont think your chances of survival are bleak at all! There are a number of calculators online - and it just so happens I was having a sad anxious moment too with my 5 year anniversary coming up. So I had them all open - and putting your stats in they all say you have over 70% -80% chance of being fine. I know we all want it to be no less than 98%, believe me. But 70-80%? Twice as likely to be ok than not. Hope you can shake off the blies

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited November 2019

    awnie - I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. I'm 13 years 9 months from hearing those dreaded words. I was 49 at time of Dx. My oncologist still sees me every 6 months. I have a couple of other health issues that are being monitored - doctors are saying not related to BC, but sometimes I wonder - Be kind to yourself. Hugs


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  • awnie1301
    awnie1301 Member Posts: 59
    edited November 2019

    Thank you all for your kind words. It has been a tough few weeks. My autoimmune disease is in a nasty flare right now so I know that doesn’t help at all. Everything seems bleak with chronic pain.

    I appreciate the support of these boards so much. I don’t come back often but when I do it’s so great to hear from others who “get it”


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  • Euphoriaa
    Euphoriaa Member Posts: 235
    edited November 2019

    I personally don't understand these statistics. I do not believe that the possibility of recurrence increases with the years, on the contrary. What happens is that the calculations add up the %. For example: if I have a 10% chance of recurrence in the first 5 years, and I have an 8% chance of recurrence in years 6 to 10, that does not mean that I have an 18% chance of recurrence from year 1 to 10 ... Why add statistics instead of averaging them? Can someone explain it to me?

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited November 2019

    I think you should be getting more encouraged with each passing year that cancer has not returned. I have several friends that had devastating initial stage 3c dx's. One in particular, she is approaching 25 years cancer free. She was er+ pr+ so late recurrence still nags at her but it is rare.

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