How to Get Through the Right Now.

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I’m Struggling hard right now. Lurching from anger, sadness fear anxiety, depression, grief, sometimes all in one hour. It’s dark and I’m searching for light. I’ve appreciated all comments and posts by people on this board. Some People say this is hardest Part, the beginning some say it will get easier, some say your life is changed but not gone. In these early moments of diagnosis and uncertainty I’ve found myself falling into depths I didn’t know existed. Dark, Dark places where fear and dread, sadness and grief, anger and anxiety all come to grow and fester . I am concerned for my mental well-being. I’m a practical person normally. In my relationships, work and life in general, so I’m asking you all out there. What are some things that you did during the beginning to get through this. Thank you.

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  • Gamb
    Gamb Member Posts: 599
    edited October 2019

    Hi ChaClarey, I've been where you are, and lots of prayers and lots of ativan and then lexapro, ativan keep me sane til the lexapro kicked in. Keeping busy helped but only so much, but once I got a plan in place things did seem to lighten up. The bad thing is you just have to keep on going thru until you find the light, romans 8:26 "the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself interferes for us, with groans that words cannot express. " may God grant you rest and comfort at this time in you life and bless an keep you safe


  • LoveLau
    LoveLau Member Posts: 105
    edited October 2019

    In remission does repeating "i dont have cancer help or hurt. Can it change your mind, or intensify your feelings? Thank you

  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited October 2019

    Please do call your doc and get some drugs for anxiety. It doesn't have to be this hard.

  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited October 2019

    After initially trying Xanax and quitting then crashing again because I was afraid of addiction my PCP basically ordered me to take Klonopin for a year along with an antidepressant. When I told him I was worried about addiction. He said “I DON’T care about you getting addicted. We’ll deal with that if we have to. You need this (anxiety med). “

    I stayed on it a full year and came off it with no issues. I was better by then. That was the turning point for me. Pulling out of this is so hard. You need help from your doctors. These feeling are real.

  • ChaClarey
    ChaClarey Member Posts: 78
    edited October 2019

    Thank you all. I am quite nervous/scared of medication. I have never had prescription meds besides oral contraceptives and rare antibiotic. Do anti anxiety meds really help and are people able to stop after treatment.

  • alto
    alto Member Posts: 233
    edited October 2019

    I definitely needed Ativan in the early days, to get some rest and be able to function. I thought about antidepressants at that time, too, but the hospital social worker recommended waiting until after the surgery to see how I felt. I'm not sure it was necessary to wait - I had used meds before, and it was easy to go back on them when I did a few weeks after surgery. It definitely helped with the crying jags.

    It takes several months (2-3 months for some, 6-12 months for others) to get through the shock, the surprise of mortality, and the grief. Oh, those stages of grief... Denial, anger, bargaining, depression... (and sometimes a second loop)...then acceptance.

    I think at some point you realize cancer is robbing you of enjoyment now, for all the fear of the future. Then you say, F--- cancer, and try not to worry about it more than you have to. In the early days, you have to research and make decisions, and it can drive you nuts. Having a plan helps - you just focus on your plan and try not to think about anything else. Those moments when you're on a break from treatment help, too.

    Surgery can throw your body for a loop. The drugs can make you quite depressed, I've found, as if the trauma and fatigue aren't good enough! Anyway, I'd explore an antidepressant if you are just feeling down all the time; Ativan if you are nervous and heart-racing and can't sleep. Definitely talk to your doctor or your treatment center's social worker, because you shouldn't have to feel this way. There are things they can do for you.

    One book I read a few years ago that has helped me get through several health issues is Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn. It helped me balance dealing with crises, and still living life.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2019

    I truly hate taking any meds, but I've learned that the right ones can help. I'm taking Ativan right now. When I'm ready, I'm confident I'll be able to stop. I've gotten myself off different pain meds in the past. Don't let yourself suffer if it can be prevented.

  • Peregrinelady
    Peregrinelady Member Posts: 1,019
    edited October 2019
    I wish I had been offered Ativan sooner. Just knowing I had it in case of a panic attack calmed me and I had no addiction problem. However, I didn’t use it daily, just sporadically.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2019

    For me its been about finally putting myself first for once and that includes rolling with the feelings. Today I feel pretty cheerful, but its also 5.30 am, I slept well and I got coffee and cats and a day of interesting learning ahead. Now two days ago I was in the deepest pit of despair, frustrated with everything and had a solid bawling session. I warned my partner before the hormonals started that if I get really angry, or really upset, some of that is me, but some of that will be the drugs talking too. I try to remember that too and keep a little bit of my brain back for objective review of the situation. Are the feelings Im feeling right now acceptable? Yes. Are some of the thoughts my brain is having rational at this point? No. Is tomorrow another day? Yes. Do I need to worry about six months from now right this minute? No.

    I've never been on anti-depressants either but probably could have benefited from them in the past. This is a major traumatic episode and life changing event - if there is help available then take advantage of it. There are no medals for tolerating pain/depression for no reason.

    Looks like you just got out of surgery too and that in itself can be tiring and painful. Are you managing pain levels? Ive noticed that I get really really cranky and on the precipice of meltdown when I am overdue on painkillers. Im not saying just doing that is going to solve all problems, but it may be something to be aware of as an inciting action.

  • Yogatyme
    Yogatyme Member Posts: 2,349
    edited October 2019

    I agree with all that are encouraging you to consider medication. I have taken anti-depressants in the past and have had an open Rx for Xanex for over 30 yrs. I probably have never taken more than 40 Xanax/yr but just knowing it’s there helps with managing anxiety. It’s also important to remember this is a trauma and processing it is not linear.....emotions/responses jump all over the place. Take good care and trust you will get through this

  • LoveLau
    LoveLau Member Posts: 105
    edited November 2019

    what does keeping busy mean. All my life keeping busy meant working trying to make money take care of kids. Now that is all gone. Lonely bored scared. Need some change.

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