Never Ending Chronic Depression

Frill · October 2019

I finished treatment in 2017 and surgeries in 2018. I was able to hold it together for awhile. Now I’m depressed and anxious to the point where I can’t get out of bed. I always thought that was a matter of discipline- and I was very disciplined. Now my house is a disgusting wreck, I’ve gained a huge amount of wreck, no friends, job in jeopardy. I can’t can’t can’t go to the hospital for checkups....the thought sends me into a panic attack and throwing up.

I see a shrink. No cocktail of meds has worked. I’m freaked out about driving.

I was a champ during treatment. I worked the whole way through and looked great. Now I can’t brush my hair or take a shower. I’m not sure my shrink gets it or if I’m not properly conveying it to him. I know this isn’t normal and I want my life back. I’m 50 and I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.

Has anyone dealt with this? How did you dig yourself out?

mac5 · October 2019

Do you have access to a Doctor who deals with Post Traumatic Stress? It sometimes takes years to present itself but there are a number of different ways of dealing with it.

I’m sending a virtual hug. There are many on these boards to talk to

DorothyB · October 2019

Agree w/ finding a Dr that specializes in PTSD.

Are you taking tamoxifen? I started feeling the same way a couple of weeks ago. I reduced my tamoxifen doze and stopped the 1/2 smallest available dose of effexor. Not sure which helped, but it did help. Still digging myself out . . . but moving in the right direction now.

Frill · October 2019

I’m not taking any hormone therapy. I don’t have any excuse. I feel like such a failure because I went through TBI, two brain aneurysms and didn’t miss a beat. During treatment I was a star patient I became vegan, ran every day, weighed what I did in high school....then the hospital just became this place I couldn’t stand anymore.

DorothyB · October 2019

No excuse?? I think that any one or two of the following would be a good reason: TBI, 2 cancer diagnoses, chemo, radiation, mastectomies, 2 brain aneurysms -- and completely changing your life style, while they are good changes, is still very stressful.

mac5 · October 2019

frill, I don't think you need an “excuse." My Psychiatrist told me my brain finally stopped making any Seratonin (feel good hormone) about a year after I spent 92 days in the hospital with my husband in Isolation.

Reasons for it don't really matter, but when you go through long periods of stress your brain just decides it's only gonna make stress hormones. It gets lazy I guess. Like chronic pain pathways become permanent. I'm not a martyr. I don't suffer in silence. When I'm upset everybody knows it.😆

But there is medication and herbal remedies, and even bio-feedback to try. So I understand not wanting to ask for help, but you're entitled to it

farmerlucy · October 2019

I was there. Still struggle staying out of the black well, years later, but it is ok, nowhere like where I was. My PCP was key. I couldn't even raise my head off his table that first visit. I wholeheartedly agree with the PTSD specialist.

Keep trying. One foot in front of the other. One second, minute, hour, day at a time. It takes a lot of hard work to pull yourself out, but I'd bet hard work is not a problem for you. When I get overwhelmed I make a list of the next three things I'm going to do, then move along.

I was suicidal. I'm not at all ashamed to admit that. Continuing into the unknown future was terrifying. My counselor did set me straight on that though. She said suicide is very selfish and leaves a terrible legacy for our loved ones. She also asked if I knew how long it was going to take to get better. I figured a month, two months, by Summer? Then she said, “It will take as long as it takes."

Honestly I think something changes in our brains post trauma. But what the heck do I know. Hang in there.

TB90 · October 2019

Frill: I cannot begin to compare my experiences with yours, but felt a common thread between us. I did everything perfect like you. I was the model patient. And three years post dx, I crashed. One morning I could not get out of bed. There are many theories, but I believe I made a deal with fate in order to regain control over my health. If I was perfect, I would be ok. Also PTSD. But whatever it is, it is not a weakness or failure on your part. We can only fake it or be “perfect” so long. Our bodies shut us down. You cannot control this. But you can recover fully. I experienced so much emotional pain that I believed that dying from breast cancer would be easier. It took months, a few different meds and a damn good psychiatrist to help me recover. My psychiatrist was specific for cancer patients. You may not be receiving effective care or treatment yet. Please tell your health care team how you honestly feel. And quit being the good patient. Keep telling people until you get the help you deserve. You are not failing. The system has failed you. Mental health is still secondary when it needs to be paramount. Find an advocate if you are too overwhelmed. Wish I could lend a hand. But I can extend a hug. You WILL feel better

Peregrinelady · October 2019

After starting Tamoxifen, I became depressed and suicidal. It took months but I finally went to a counselor and had EMDR, a rapid eye technique that places the trauma in another part of your brain. I also started taking magnesium which I still take. Also, make sure your vitamin D level is not too low. I wish you well. You will get through this and feel better again.

NoWhyToIt · October 2019

Frill- How about having someone come to your house to do yoga with you in the mornings a few times a week. It’s pricey but will force you out of bed and into a better mental state.

Leidy222588 · October 2019

Dear Frill,

You should not have to feel this way. I lost my son to suicide months before my cancer diagnosis, so it has been difficult to know which feelings stem from what. Just a lot of bad feelings. I was suicidal. My daughter was suicidal. Our family just exploded. I now take an anti-depressant that works for me (sometimes you have to try a few before you find the right one). My daughter has spent some time as an in-patient for her struggles. No shame in going to the ER and telling them your feelings. They will know if you should be admitted. (Nicest people I have ever met were the patients on my daughter's psych ward.) Good idea to have your thyroid levels checked,too. Part of it for me was hypothyroid, so I now take a pill for that, too. Beyond that, I have found that volunteering to help others who are worse off helps enormously. It's weird, but helping them allows me to have compassion for myself, and that's really important for healing. Sending you wishes for comfort and healing.

Frill · October 2019

Thank you everyone. I’m seeing a shrink and on meds - obviously not the right ones, lol. I also play the good patient for him. I see him Tuesday and I’m going to bring up PTSD and ask him to put me on one of the PTSD anti depressants- which I was on before and asked him to put me on again and he wouldn’t.

This can’t keep going on

Cowgirl13 · October 2019

Frill, I have had to have my meds changed and it was a change for the better. Good for you for dropping Good Patient. I too do the Good Patient thing.

pupmom · October 2019

Frill, it is terrible you are going through this. Was the reason cancer or something else? It really helps to pin point the underlying cause of despair. Yes sometimes it is the disease, but often that just triggers something much deeper.

LoveLau · October 2019

farmer Lucy. I am in remission. Thinking of continually repeating " I dont have cancer. Do you think that would help or hurt. In other words train my brain that I dont have it or bring more attention to it ?

Am in exactly same situation as you

farmerlucy · October 2019

IMO whatever works for you is the right thing. I’ve adopted the opinion that I’m cured. Something may prove me wrong someday. But today I’m good. I sure as hell am not going to spend anymore time on this chit. That doesn’t mean I don’t think of it daily. It just doesn’t color every aspect of my life like it used to. 🤷🏼♀️

LoveLau · November 2019

yes 3 years trying to did. No support group besides husband and doctors.

LoveLau · November 2019

looking for simple ways to get happy again. Mot sure what to do. Need help a lot.

I would like to know howv70byearvold isolated person can pull herself together to get a life again.

Cowgirl13 · November 2019

Start with antidepressants. I'm 73 and couldn't make it without my meds and I don't feel bad about it. It just is. As we get older our feelings can deepen.

LoveLau · November 2019

what meds are you on? I m om lamotragine and ativan. Do the drugs really help. Mybdr said when theybvb work you feel good. Is that true he says nothing bothers you. Is that true?

Still thinking about ect. Thanks

LoveLau · November 2019

what are your nmmeds. Do you feel happy with them? Or do they not bother you? Dr said when they workbtheybwont bother you. True?

LoveLau · November 2019

what meds are you taking. This morning is bible study. Walked 20 flights of stairs this morning hoping it would calm me dovvn

Psy said I couldvtakeb1.5 ativan. Up til noevibvvas ativan .5 then l now he says l.5 . I am going on avtrip vvith my husbandvvvhen I get back I am going to go for ect. 3 years of torture is enough.

Anyone have ect?

LoveLau · November 2019

framer lucy. ,tdad did any of you come across anyone who did ect. I would like to talk to them. Meds not working. Dr said if they worork you can see it right away. Is that true?

Totallytubular · November 2019

hello frill,

I've been dealing with depression and insomnia from the Arimidex and pre-existing conditions (depression was there but worse now.) I had to change psychiatrists to change my meds 3 times. now I am on Lexapro -- working for depression but not for insomnia. (3.5 years out of diagnosis) trying to figure out.. have tried 2 meds.

tell your psych about this test: https://genesight.com/product/. helps you figure out what meds might work better for you. you might need a rock star psychiatrist who is really good with meds.

it's all really tedious but can turn around. my new med has helped with all depression and anxiety. just working on sleep issues. Do you drink? I stopped and have less depression. it takes a LOT of patience.

ok, hang in there! and best of luck to you.

xo

vlnrph · November 2019

I would like to mention the possibility of transcranial magnetic stimulation for refractory depression - when meds aren't helping. TMS has been FDA approved for over a decade and is painless, leaving you able to drive, etc.

The main drawback is going for daily sessions for several weeks, plus getting insurance to OK it ahead of time.

My hope and prayer is that everyone who feels more than a little down find the energy to keep looking for a solution which works for them. You deserve the chance to get better so don't give up!

Never Ending Chronic Depression

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