https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/465450-company-sells-out-of-1425-jesus-shoes-that-feature-holy-water

Company sells out of $1,425 'Jesus shoes' that feature holy water so you can 'walk on water'

4! And maybe a little 1. Tiring day.

Lauren, what is the second med you are taking? (You've probably said, but y mind is a sieve these days.)

I'm a bit of a 3 with aches and a cough.

Kind of spaced out so I'll pick 9.

Anyone see the Attorney General gave a talk about how all the problems in the modern world come from secularism? And Mike Pompeo just gave a talk which was entitled something like "Being a Christian leader" on the main page of the State Dept website? Are we in pre-Gilead?

I’m on ibrance, loosing what little hair taxotere left me. Intend to get this hat soon.

On the cat scale I'd say I'm roughly a 3 today! Had a break away from the city for two days, seems to have restored some zest for life.

Spookiesmom I love the hats!

Yay for normal!!! Congrats

👍👍👍

I have no idea what to do. Here is the situation:

I have been working on a new branding concept for my business for the last 5-6 months. I'm talking 12-16 hour days for MONTHS to get this new business (online marketing membership club) off the ground. I was about 3 weeks away from launching when I was diagnosed stage iv. 

I have insurance through the Marketplace, but as we all know, the fuckfaces in Washington (and Texas) are trying to do away with the ACA and pre-existing conditions. I figure I'm okay for 2020, but 2021 and beyond are a crapshoot, therefore, I need to get on Medicare stat. (I'm blissfully single, so no spousal insurance either)

I'm only 52, so I have to get on Medicare through SSDI. This takes about 29 months to do (24 months after your first check which comes after a 5 month waiting period.) 

I'll be approved for SSDI because of my diagnosis, but I'm not allowed to make over $1200 a month. There are "gainful activity" restrictions as well, meaning the hours I can work are restricted. Also, I can't postpone it because I'm very close to the five year cutoff for eligibility with points or some such red tape bullshit. 

I am totally demotivated now to launch my business. If I can't make a real go of it and make $5-10K a month, then I don't want to do it. I could conceivably keep it very small and only make $1200 after expenses, but I can't jeopardize my Medicare eligibility, and I think it would be more trouble than it's worth. Do I really want to go through the hassle of working for $1200 at the risk of losing Medicare/SSDI?  Do I really want to spend my numbered days working on a half-ass business? Earning money isn't really the issue, it's the Medicare that's most important. And since I don't really know how these drugs are going to affect me, I don't know if I would even be able to work it full time. 

On the other hand, if I don't work and try to do something, then what do I do? My compromised immune system and possible other side effects makes getting a two-day-a-week part time job iffy. I can't even imagine what I would be able to do. My background is in catering/restaurant and purchasing, so I know I can't do that anymore - physically or mentally. I thought about rebranding the rebrand (ugh) and going smaller, but that just holds no interest for me right now. The motivation was money, and now that is gone.

As far as volunteering goes, the only thing I can think of is working at the DNC or on a campaign stuffing envelopes or doing paperwork (no phones or canvassing). There were some opportunities at hospice facilities, but uh...no thanks, I'll pass. 

It feels as though I've been thrown into an unwanted, overnight retirement, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I've had baseball these last three weeks, but as of October 30th or so, it's over too, then I'll REALLY have nothing to do. I'm afraid if I don't have a passion or something to do, I'll just let myself fade away and not fight this thing. I don't drive on highways (anxiety) so my options are somewhat limited. I'd love to spend my days at the zoo, but it's 45 minutes away by highway which doesn't work for me. 

After my cardiologist appointment, I'll be able to exercise and make health my priority, but what do I do for the other 23 hours a day? 

Sorry for the stream of consciousness post, but I had to get it all out in writing. I honestly don't know I'm going to do. I feel like I should wait until after my first set of scans in January to decide anything, but in the meantime, all I can do is obsess about it. 

Thanks for listening, and if you have any thoughts I'd love to hear them. 

Lauren

Oh wow, Hiking Lady, thank you for such a thoughtful and wonderful post. Yes, I am very much an overthinker and have all kinds of thoughts running through my brain at the same time. It’s annoying. ;

Qualifying for Medicare is my number one priority. Unfortunately, with the information I have now at least, my choices are limited as to what I can do. It has been suggested that I find a lawyer and figure out a way, so I’ll probably start there.

One of my favorite sayings is “Decisions are discovered, not made” so that is what I am doing - trying to run into my decision by exploring all options. I think I will post in Stage IV - you are the third to recommend it so majority rules.

Thank you again for your generous and thoughtful reply. I’m sure I will reread it often as I search for the answers.

Lauren

Thank you, Minus for your input. I’ve had a crazy making kind of day.

I hate to flush all that hard work down the crapper, but I need the Medicare and don’t want to jeopardize it by making money.

I feel like I’ll know more after the election. If dipfuck gets elected again, then I (hopefully) stay on SSDI and get Medicare in 2022. If a real human being gets elected instead of warmed over sewage, then I can open my business as planned because I won’t be worried about insurance.

Of course, this is all dependent on how I respond to treatment. I’ve only been on it a week. I might not be able to get out of bed next week or next month.

I do think I may have solved the “what the hell will I do with myself” issue though. About 10 years ago I started to write a book and finally just gave up on it because I wasn’t getting anywhere. I even shredded everything I had when I moved because I never thought I’d go back to it. Fortunately I still have some computer work left so I might try that. If I can get it done, I can take donations for it instead of selling it for income (assuming it’s any good of course)

And like you said there is a lot to explore. So maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

We shall see.

Lauren, Here is a link to the liberal political thread. There is also a conservative thread but it became so extreme that they decided to move to another cancer forum. The moderators are fine with our thread, just so you know. https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/84/topics...

LaurenInPHX, I read your longer post this morning and thought about it today to see if I had any ideas, must admit don't have much knowledge of the situation re medicare there, as I am from Australia.

You seem such a high spirited person I cannot imagine you ever fading away without a fight!

Just read your new post about writing a book, that sounds like a great idea, I'm sure you have it in you to write a good one!