Stupid comments ....

Options
1…616263646567»

Comments

  • GAWarrior
    GAWarrior Member Posts: 398
    edited January 2019

    I know this thread hasn't been active in a while, but I've gotten some chuckles out of it so here's mine...

    When I told my sister about my triple negative BC diagnosis, she said, "Well, please don't let them give you chemo. That stuff does horrible things to your body. You know it can kill you!"

    Ummmm.....

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • runor
    runor Member Posts: 1,798
    edited January 2019

    GAWarrior, sometimes you have to put these things down to shock. But she's not wrong, that chemo... that's some bad shit!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Wigging2000
    Wigging2000 Member Posts: 295
    edited January 2019

    GA warrior, my sister said almost the same thing to me when I told her about my diagnosis. She said “whatever you do, don't get chemo, that's what killed my husband". Her husband unfortunately had brain and lung cancer...I'm pretty certain it was the cancer and not the chemo. Sigh. I ended up with a low oncotype score and no benefit from chemo, so I got to avoid any more comments like that from her for the moment at least.

    Anyway, such strange comments to make...like we will just say “yeah ok you're right I'll just pass on the chemo, thanks for the helpful tip!"

    Thanks for sharing, you are not alone!


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • pingpong1953
    pingpong1953 Member Posts: 362
    edited January 2019

    Wigging, she's probably thinking that you've skipped chemo because of her comment and will use you as an example of someone who didn't have chemo and did just fine. You can't win!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • recurrenceanxious
    recurrenceanxious Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2019

    Hi everybody,

    I am new to this forum and wanted to share my own experience.

    A friend of mine told me something like ...well you have been taking hormones .......not all tumors are bad, I wouldn't have mine operated ...........radiotherapy, you know how bad that is for you?

    This all happened during one telephone conversation

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • PatsyKB
    PatsyKB Member Posts: 272
    edited March 2019

    Arrgh, recurrenceanxious! I know what you mean. Speaking just for myself, before I told anyone, set out my preferences for what I would and wouldn't tolerate from folks. Then I shared the news (small circle first, wider later once I had my treatment plan).

    My big rule/rules: I'm dealing with MY cancer and I will not listen to any advice or story about anyone else's experience or treatment recommendations. I told everyone that if they started to tell me about some supplement or warning or their sister/mother/whoever, I would stop them and cut off the conversation. Everyone took me seriously and all went well. If anyone was offended, I really didn't care.

    My cancer, my story, my rules, I told them. I'm pretty stubborn. It certainly kept my stress levels down and to me, that's what mattered.

    I wonder if something like this could help in future conversations with your friend and with other people.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • recurrenceanxious
    recurrenceanxious Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2019

    Hi PatsyKB,

    Good for you! I have noticed that friends with relatives who went through this were much nicer. It was always like ...you have been diagnosed early, my mom went through the same, you're gonna be fine

    So I am trying to stay in that circle otherwise I have to defend what food I eat, how scrupulous I am with my health by allowing God forbid surgery on myself, etc.

    Take care


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Irishlove
    Irishlove Member Posts: 82
    edited March 2019

    I just had a mastectomy 5 days ago. I called an in-law, who had texted me saying, "Hey call me if you need anything". So I called and said I wonder if she knew a nurse that I could hire to come by and change my bandage. I wasn't ready to see myself yet. I was trying not to cry when I asked her. She is a med tech, but worked with a number of nurses. Her response was "Well I sure don't want to see that either". Um, ok then. I was already a day late, so DH and I changed the dressing. Shocked to see how I looked, but got thru it. The next day she sent me a text saying "Did you find someone"? "My best friend is an RN and lives near you". Ok, so she didn't remember her best friend was an RN, that lived near me yesterday, but remembered today. Thanks for nothing. I hope that I don't have to see her at any family functions for a very, very long time.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • leftduetostupidmods
    leftduetostupidmods Member Posts: 620
    edited March 2019

    Even if I understand that you don't volunteer your best friends without asking them first, just not mentioning it is rotten

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Charles_Pelkey
    Charles_Pelkey Member Posts: 182
    edited June 2019

    You want stupid comments? Try being a guy with breast cancer :-)

    My favorite was when someone asked if I was some sort of hermaphrodite and whether my two children were my own

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • edj3
    edj3 Member Posts: 2,076
    edited June 2019

    Charles_Pelkey , that's just wretched.

    One of my husband's good friends from high school had BC (not sure of his exact dx) and I can only imagine the stupid comments he probably got too.

    People

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 2,042
    edited June 2019

    Shows the ignorance a lot of people have about breast cancer. I think it’s time to get into the 21st century and show men in commercials as breast cancer patients. Times to change the ribbon and put some blue in it. (BTW, I’m not a fan of the ribbon and the pinking of breast cancer. I know some are into it and some aren’t. Personal choice.)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • JulieSim
    JulieSim Member Posts: 94
    edited June 2019

    Not exactly stupid comment, but I thought I'd post it here.

    A couple of weeks before my mastectomy I called my insurance to inquire about post mastectomy bras coverage. The young girl on the line clearly had no idea what's mastectomy, but kept going with a lot of confidence (I am sure they have some kind of a standard script to follow):

    Is it the first time time you are having mastectomy this year?

    Are you planning to do another mastectomy later this year?..

    When we were done I asked her a favor. To Google mastectomy. Hope she did.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Runnermum
    Runnermum Member Posts: 383
    edited June 2019

    some of these really make me chuckle.

    I have one that wasn't so much stupid as it was inconsiderate. When my hair grew back after chemo, it came in CURLY!! Not waves but very kinky and tight curls. After being bald for several months I was looking forward to getting back to looking like myself. I had been positive thru all of it but really couldn't hide the disappointment I felt about my hair. It didn't feel like me or look like me. I complained about it to my best friend a few times and she told me "you should just be happy to have hair again". the 2nd time she said that to me I replied back that after all that I had been thru it was very hard to look in the mirror and not see yourself. It was a year later and I just wanted to look like my old self again. but I really don't think she understold at all. What I really wanted to say to her "after all I have been thru, there are many many things I am grateful for right now but this hair is not one of them and until you have walked in my shoes you do not have the right to tell me what I should be grateful for." but I didn't and Even now a year latet , it still bugs me and causes me hurt that she said that to me. I just really needed her to listen and sympathize with me at the time.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • kber
    kber Member Posts: 394
    edited June 2019

    Dear Runner,

    I am stealing your phrase: you don’t have the right to tell me what I should be grateful for! That struck a chord.

    Well put.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Amyadipose
    Amyadipose Member Posts: 38
    edited June 2019

    Hill. arious.!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Amyadipose
    Amyadipose Member Posts: 38
    edited June 2019

    Employee at medical MJ dispensary when I went the very first time: "Congrats!" (On getting a card). um. Maybe under other circumstances.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Member Posts: 1,307
    edited June 2019

    Very minor -- really people have been pretty good about this so far -- but I was shopping for dangly earrings the other day, because my hair is in process of coming out. The woman who owns the shop said something about how I won't need much hair product for a while. I said, "I know there are a lot of great things about not having hair, but I'm really not feeling it right now." The look on her face was enough. She got the message.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Member Posts: 609
    edited September 2019

    I'm tired of people telling me how beautiful and strong the hair comes back after chemo. I'm sick of people telling me how "good I look" when inside I feel like shit. And I'm tired of having to explain that my body aches are not because "the weather was very wet lately"...


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Member Posts: 1,307
    edited September 2019

    Yndorian, I know what you mean. On the other hand, I'd rather they tell me I "look good" than tell me I look tired, or sick, or weird with the bad hair. It's true, it means that they don't know how we actually feel. And mostly we can't tell them in a way they could understand. I try to see it is as their attempt to be encouraging. But it does happen a lot, doesn't it?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Miriandra
    Miriandra Member Posts: 1,327
    edited September 2019

    A friend of mine had stomach cancer a long while back (she's doing great to this day!), and she lost a lot of weight from the cancer and her treatments. A person who hadn't seen her in a while and didn't know about her condition remarked, "You look so nice and slim!" "Thank you," she replied, "but I really wouldn't recommend my diet regimen."

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited September 2019

    Miriandra, I lost a lot of weight last year due to kidney cancer. I got the, "Oh, you look so good!" comments then. Now I've gained the weight back because I stopped smoking, and because I don't have an evil Pac-Man inside me eating me from the inside, and I get, "Oh, you looked so good last year!" So far, I've managed to NOT say "Let me get another cancer and it'll take it right off again!" So far.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Miriandra
    Miriandra Member Posts: 1,327
    edited September 2019

    HA! I vote against another cancer. ;)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Member Posts: 609
    edited September 2019

    Alice: I also have to contain myself not to say the obvious: if you like chemo hairstyle so much ... well, you know what you should do ... (Ok. I won't say it 🤐)

    MountainMia: I appreciate people having good intentions but I don't appreciate being lied to my face ... and believe me, I don't look so good 😋

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Gonnabeatthis
    Gonnabeatthis Member Posts: 73
    edited September 2019

    I'm about 16 weeks PFC and just started going without my cap. My hair is about.3/4 of an inch in its longest spots. Went out to dinner with the family Saturday night and my MIL saw my head for the first time and yells across the restaurant ..."you have hair". After everyone else tells her to calm down she proceeds to comment, ask questions...if I thought it would be curly (my hair before was), you going to keep it short, color it, etc. My FIL finally told her to drop the subject, I was obviously uncomfortable with discussing the topic, especially then and there! She started asking the rest of the family what they thought of my hair! They all ignored her questions.

    I also like the “Sometimes it comes back different, hopefully yours will come back straight!" I had very curly hair prior to chemo, I liked my curls, I learned to embrace them and they were part of my identity. Nice to know some of my people didn't like them!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories