Holiday planning stress begins

We've taken the easy way out and taken a trip over the holidays since my kids were pretty small. Really cuts down on the present shopping too--the trip *is* the present!

That it is. I also realized it was stupid (and kind of a fire hazard!) to put up a tree/decorate too much if we weren't going to be home. And quite a few years ago my "big family" (sibs/mother) decided that for the adults, we'd draw names and only buy for one person each year. Most of my shopping is for my nieces/nephews, and I know people don't like to hear it, but I usually wrap that up in October. Other than writing my stupid annual Christmas letter, the holidays are pretty easy-peasy for me!

And lest I sound too laissez-faire about all of this, I do get that there are additional challenges/stressors with a BC diagnosis or treatment. Many years we give a mid-December holiday party and I skipped it the last couple of years. I can't say I didn't have the energy, but I just wasn't in the mood. For heavens sake be gentle to yourself and don't over-do. And make that clear *now*. Decide what you want to do and especially what you don't want to do, and then STICK TO IT. In my friend group we talk about playing the cancer card, and we are *all* entitled to that.

The first time around, my bmx was 10 days before Christmas and I still had drains. I told DD I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it, so we did it at her house. Just us, and SILs mom & stepdad.

DHs family won’t come here, I refuse to go there. So there’s that. 1000 mile either way

I honestly don’t care anymore about decorating and big dinners. I don’t have the stamina for it. If it wasn’t for the grands, I wouldn’t even do a tree.

So I order some party trays from Publix, make a chocolate cheesecake for the grands, DD brings veggie tray. Merry Christmas.

My family typically celebrates Thanksgiving together but not Christmas because there are so many in-laws now who live in different states

Best wishes to your sister Diane.

Holidays are different for our family now. My parents are gone ( Dad 2014 & Mom 2015) and that just changed the whole family dynamic as their home was the center of the family. My DH used to get angry that we spent every holiday with my family. His is a broken family full of dysfunction. One year (around 2004) he invited all of them for a holiday breakfast and that tradition went on for several years. I even blended the families together at times. As you can imagine, my holidays began at the crack of dawn and went on the entire day whether the dinner was at our house or we went out to a siblings. This all came to a halt after my parents died and then my mother in-law became delusional and we eventually had her placed in a facility after her 2nd husband passed away just last year. And of course, getting cancer in December 2017 didn't help things either.

So now, I don't have to plan anything. Last year was first time in many years that I had nothing, no one at my house. My brother usually has Thanksgiving. It's nice to finally be able to sleep in. My niece is always inviting us to her home around Christmas, and she has a little one so yeah, time to let the younger ones take over. I am more than happy to give it up although I was sad when it happened. We are trying to keep 1 breakfast going around New Years-or a brunch or lunch in January should my football team make the playoffs. That's always a holiday! They won the super bowl right after my surgery! My 1st day back to work I had to ask for the following day as vacation to attend the parade!

I just saw this post. I usually host both Thanksgiving and Xmas. Somehow last year I did a casual Holiday celebration. This year I just don't feel like it. My brother and his wife want to come and visit next month. I had to say no maybe in the spring. Now I feel guilty.

Hi MountainMia, I just realized I never thanked you for your response and to let you know I appreciated your thoughts. I hope all is going well with you. I told my brother maybe next spring and I feel better about that decision. I have started the Livestrong program and it is a work out!! Those zingers everyone talks about really took me by surprise. Good luck with your exercise program. Best wishes. Terry

I have always enjoyed the Holidays. We have a very small family: DH, two adult sons, one DIL. My siblings live in Texas and none of us want to travel in December. I host Thanksgiving and Christmas for my group. Last year I told everyone at Thanksgiving of my diagnosis. Not a great day. The kids come to the house Christmas Eve for dinner and the next morning for presents and brunch. I want to do this as long as I am able. My DIL does help with some cooking and my DH cleans up. Again, giving this type of tradition up due to illness is like giving up. My family has been very supportive and I love seeing them as often as they will come. Having the small group makes things easier.

Oh! I also buy and wrap all the presents. I enjoy that to a point. LOL. With a bunch of adults, it can be difficult to find things that surprise and please them. I would like to figure out something else to do. This desire has nothing to do with the diagnosis. The kids all work so a trip is difficult. I thought about donations, but would hate to give to the wrong group. Just something else to ponder. Best get on that shopping soon

Hi JCSLibrarian, I'm starting to feel a little bit better about the Holidays and you put it in the right prospective about tradition. My daughter is a teacher and they always have a mitten/wishes tree in the school lobby that we do. My immediate family is small. 2- daughters, one SNL, and one grandson. My youngest daughter just got engaged so plus one !! I try to do themes. In the past I have done sport tickets, car care, spa, Costco membership, coffee pods....every year you are right it gets harder!! My grandson does make it fun he gets so excited. I am glad they want to come and that we will all be together. My daughter has already started talking about Thanksgiving dinner. Best Holiday wishes to you and your family.

MountainMia, I can understand how you feel. To get good days and pricing you have to book now. Xmas dates will sell out fast. My brother lives in Seattle. What he normally does is email me and say hey how would you like company on Thanksgiving?!! We were able to get a fantastic deal for these dates....When my Mom was alive we would ask her to come here from Vermont. She couldn't decide on when to come only when to leave!! I would say Mom we got a fantastic deal on these tickets for you to come down!! Since you already have an open invite look up the flights and see what is going to work best for you. Then say hey we were able to get a fantastic deal on these flights...…..

MountainMia I'd definitely say something along the lines of, "These are the dates we're planning on coming. Please let me know by <tonight, tomorrow, end of the week> if they don't work. Otherwise we're buying tickets." That's always what I do when visiting my kids (actually--I buy the tickets and then tell them when I'll be there :-) ), although I also don't stay with them. I prefer my own space so grab an airbnb nearby. (FWIW--I've had my Thanksgiving and Christmas dates locked in since last spring.)

Went well for me. DD was in NYC in the Macy’s parade. DH was invited to dinner with a friend who lives in assisted living facility. 2 gfs and I went to Cracker Barrel for dinner.

I sort of missed the big dinner production at DDs, but this was great. No cooking, arguments, clean up, no stress. I’d like to do it from now on.

And now Christmas is just a few weeks away. Ugh. I’ve ordered a pop up tree, I just don’t have it in me to do my fake 4’ tree. I’ll miss it, but I just can’t. As for the meal, all I can say is hello Publix.