Photo Essay about Flatness ... and other stuff
Hi all, I have been away from BCO for a while, busy with work and life and a photo project.
I wanted photos that highlighted femininity and that showed me as a full woman in spite of the lack of boobs.
We just got published in Flaunt Magazine, so have a look!
https://www.flaunt.com/content/androgyne
If you have Instagram, please give the Insta post a like, to show Flaunt that their move is appreciated: https://www.instagram.com/p/B1pZhrrn0jV/
Comments
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Beautiful photography, thanks for posting Momine. Perceptions of beauty for women choosing to forgo reconstruction is a work in progress.
For men like me, who were not even offered reconstruction, our chests remain deformed and it's not a very sexy look either.
Check out my friend Chiara's pics at www.beautythroughthebeast.com
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Hi Traveltext, thanks for checking it out. I choose not to see it as a deformity. It is a scar and it is what it is. Chia has done some great pictures. She is in one of my BC groups.
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Chiara has long worked to define feminine beauty without breasts. In fact, with her scars proudly being showed off. It’s a pretty radical approach to female beauty, as are your images. Great work.
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Momine...I'm just speechless. The photography is beautiful. Truth--I looked at the beautiful woman (you!) and didn't even notice the absence of breasts. The natural ease, the feminine allure, the apparent love between the man and the woman--it was simply gorgeous. It speaks--without breasts, we are who we are, wholly female, completely complete. Thanks, friend.
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And Traveltext. Do you truly consider yourself deformed and not "sexy"? Men who have battle scars and have fought through the war I so deeply understand...they are NOT deformed, and are confidently sexy.
Sexy is not about an unblemished body. It's all about confidence, experience, maturity, and love.
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What beautiful art. It was like a ballet. Very soft and flowing and strong. I too didn't notice 'missing' breasts. I just saw a beautiful form.
Thank you.
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Wrenn and Sbelizabeth, thanks very much for taking a look and the nice comments.
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Thanks, SBE, you’re right about scars being sexy. It’s just that my mastectomy was pretty extensive and included all the axillary lymph nodes on that side, then 33 doses of radiation killed all the chest hair follicles which have never regrown. Here’s me now with my battle scars.
I could say I’ve been in a sword fight, I suppose, and I once told an inquisitive young grandchild that, but I prefer to leave it as proof that men can get this disease too
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Travel, I think you should wear that scar proudly and consider it proof positive that you are a badass. The longer I live with my own scars, the more I realize that how others perceive us ultimately rests on how we perceive ourselves.
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Thanks Momine, a badass I am. And I’m really fine with the result; the op was five years ago. My partner is relaxed about the result, too.
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Momine and Traveltext:
These photos were beautiful. They give one pause about the definitions of beauty and sexiness which clearly are not based on physical appearance. We were all born flat chested and no one thought we were not beautiful when we were this way. The photos reminded me of ballet and I never noticed the scars nor the lack of breasts. I noticed beautiful people who related to each other in a way that transcended any negatives related to appearance. Years ago there was a magazine cover of a woman who had had a BMX and it was touchingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing this beauty.
Traveltext: Wear your scar proudly. It reflects your inner strength and tells the world that you are confident and strong.
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Wow - what thread! Thank you Momine 🙂 You are a beautiful and brave.
Thank you Traveltext - not batting an eyelid - I had a level 2 clearance 12 out - by choice - at that point I was considered small and node negative - I have a straighter scar but heck 33 nodes out, radiotherapy and an upper arm with little lymphoedema from the photo ( that is the first thing I looked at - your arm circumference)- good surgeon and good healer. That is all you can ask - and time. Looks good!! Really good.
I do notice women ( Traveltext you are right, men less) who do not have breasts and I do see their scars or edges of them - as much as I notice people with missing limbs ( no !!! I dont think its the same loss by miles) but they are scars and they are sizeable - and sometimes they heal ugly and puckker up and have folds and are aching and unpleasant.
But while I do note them - it doesnt stop me seeing the person that goes along with them or lack of as it might be, it just helps me know a little more sooner - and that knowledge is assumed and not always entirely accurate.
Am I bothered by my lack of breasts ? Well I would have prefferred I did not have BC but my breasts themselves - ahhh truly not that fussed about them. I am grateful that at some past point I had small but stunning breasts ( ticked off that experience) - and that my present scars give me no physical grief. I am also grateful that I need not wear bras.
I can remember the kind nurse who took my dressing down post op - she kept thinking - will she cry?? ... - and all I could think was "take the freaking thing down I want to see how the wound is healing". And it was good 😊😎
So where as I dont find mastectomy scars beautiful - I am ok with that - but I find the people - women mostly and some men - who have them so wondrous, wildly self suffcicient and very very sexy... (no, come on ...I bat for men. 😜 totally!!)
So for me, and I stress for me - the process of settling with your scars and wounds (and these are the same and different ) and growing beyond them - is magnetic, its life.
Its ok to have scars - we all do - some just dont show up.
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Wildplaces, thanks for your kind words. It was 23 nodes and 33 doses of radiation. No LE to date.
Honestly, my heart goes out to all women here, the brave flatties, and those living with reconstruction. I never think a man has anywhere near the aesthetic and emotional consequences of breast surgery, and I’m always mindful of the many challenges you must overcome in your personal lives. Wildplaces, ticking off your memory of your “stunning breasts” is an amazing statement, but this must sustain you in your present form. And, as you imply, physical scars, often visible, are nothing compared to invisible mental scars.
Momine’s pics do much to raise self esteem and show that beauty isn’t all about stereotypical, and often superficial, body types.
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momine,
What a lovely photo spread! Gratulerer! But even better than that, is to “see” you again. You seem very happy and I hope that includes your health. Stay well, my friend.
PS:Did you know that deanna (dlb23) passed away?
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Brnx, Thank you! No, I didn't know that Deanna passed away. I am very sorry to hear that. I have been thinking of you, so it is great to hear from you, even if the news is sad.
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my torso is kind of similar, except I didn't have radiation. It's definitely still possible to be hot n sexy without breasts. One side of my chest has always been smoother while my ribs jut out a little more on the other (my dominant hand side/non-cancer side) as though the skin is tighter on that side. Does that get better over time (I'm almost 2yrs out). Your sides look nicely balanced that way. Sadl I've had some rib dysfunction on the other side. I wish small things didn't irk me, other people wouldn't notice. I would be a good mastectomy flat model but I have too much pride/too private/don't care about proving femininity but I am glad I live in an age where I can look up pics and knew what to expect before surgery. Now being flat/blank is totally normalized to me. Women oozing their breasts out in pics is a little alienating though.
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blah333, one of the motivations for doing this was definitely to put more pictures out there for the reasons you state.
As far as the tightness, I find that exercise, slow and steady exercise, is the best remedy. It does get better, it is just very gradual. I have also done deliberate upper body work to add muscle to my pecs. It is not very obvious, because my musculature is light whatever I do, but it did help with the balance.
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Thanks, I don't have physical tightness, just the appearance of tightness, like skin pulled more taut so the ribs are more visible on one side. I saw a cartoon illustration of a mastectomy'd woman, and they illustrated it this way too.
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blah333, right, but building up the muscle under the skin will alleviate some of that.
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thank you for sharing your wonderful essay and the photos are gorgeous
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2019, thanks very much!
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What an amazing photo series! I hope it gets loads of positive attention and brings mindfulness and awareness to the messages that breasts - and their lack - insert into societal discourse. Cheers!
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Miriandra, thanks very much for taking a look and for the kinds words.
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Momine. I am floored not necessarily by the photos but by your incredibly well-written words on the subject of breasts and femininity and sexuality. You make one amazingly good point after another about the male gaze, the “restoration of femininity" and so much more. I will be rereading the article several times to take it all in. You've perfectly articulated so many of the thoughts I have swirling in my head. As I was reading it, I was saying to myself, “yes....yes.....ohmygod, yes....."
I need to add that I still have my breasts. One has a scar on the underside that I don't see unless looking in a mirror, which I rarely do. But I developed beautifully full breasts as a teenager and could never get others to comprehend that there was a down side to having large boobs. I was envied and objectified and so much more. Only in today's world am I understanding all the ramifications.
Thank you for the link to your photos and article. I will comment further after I've read it a few more times.
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For example, you make this truthful statement that only in the past few years have I come to grasp the reality of:
“Culturally we like breasts to be large and prominent but devoid of active female sexuality,“
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Divine, good to "see" you and I am glad the words connected with your experience.
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aahh momine. so lovely. Im glad to see you are doing well.. you were so helpful to me when I was first DX'
Its been 2 years for me. And I do not regret my decision to go flat.. I do wear foobs when out and about. But thats me. Im doing ok. The arimidex is a bit rough on my joints and bones. But thats doable
Your piece was beautifully written. And the photos so free
For those of you struggling with the decision Flat or recon its so personal
For me I also had to do radiation which throws a curveball to recon as it takes 2 or more years for the tissue to heal
At the time I was 63 and decided getting on with my life was more important than going thru many surgeries that might not work
Luckily I Also chose bmx ( dbl)and after my pathology came back it showed minute beginnings of another tumor on my left side that was undetected
One friend did the deep and she is now ok with it but it was a long recovery as it was a major operation but dhe had no chemo or rads
Others i know who had rads they ended up having up to 9 surgeries and a few threw in the towel
Some that didnt have rads also had complications
But many woman do ok
I was fortunate to have a woman plastic surgeon who was very honest about what to expect and had me speak to a few of her other patients
my BC surgeon , when asked if he could please stitch me up nicely he recommended that the PS do the final closing stitches and she very kindly agreed to do
I certainly don't feel any less a woman.. and my husband was totally in agreement with my decision ..
Divine mrs m!! Am I reading your bio correctly? You were diagnosed stage 4 in 2010! God bless you! Thats amazing!!
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MamaOz, thats nice of you to notice. It was December of 2010 I found the lump and within a few weeks, early 2011, learned it was stage iv bone mets. I had a year of the “big” treatments, then a good long run for many years with Arimidex. In March, I had some progression to a vertebrae so I started Ibrance and Aromasin. This month a scan showed progression to another vertebrae so I’m on to Verzenio and Aromasin. Its disappointing but I’m grateful that so far its bone only.
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Liked the Insta post--great photo essay.
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edj3, thanks very much, and feel free to share on. The more the merrier. Just don't try to share the link to the article on FB, because the bots think it is naughty.
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