Dr said it’s up to me if I take tamoxifen. ??

I need to made a decision and it's hard. Found out at I had 2.5 mm, invasive ductal carcinomaestrogen/progesterone + tumor in May. Had lumpectomy with clear margins and clear lymph nodes. HERs negative. don't carry breast cancer gene. Turning 49 shortly. Premenopausal. Don't smoke or drink alcohol. 24 BMI. Still doing radiaton.

Drs actually talked me out of double mastectomy with recon because my tumor was so small and it's low risk grade.

Chief oncologist says it's up to me if I want to take tamoxifen because my tumor was so small and other details I mentioned. She said overall without tamoxifen my recurrence rate would be 8%. That's 4% for left side cancer breast, 3% for other breast and 1% for remainder of my body which gives you the number 8. If I take tamoxifen my risk is 4% total. I didnt know they added up risks this way. It makes it seem bigger.

She said many of her patients elect to not take it and she wants me to be fully informed. She said if she thought I really needed it and my risk was higher she wouldn't be afraid to twist my arm into doing it if I objected. I asked her what she would do for herself if she had my situation and she said she would take it to see how bad the side effects were and if they affected her quality of life she would discontinue it.

I am concerned about endrometrial cancer since my grandmother had it but she said the risk was less than 1%.

I am very afraid of cataracts, endromrtrial cancer and hearing loss the most. (I have slight hearing loss already.)

I also am upset about the thought ofhaving thinning hair, vaginal atrophy, older looking skin due to lack of estrogen, fat redistribution to my midsection, depression, blood clots, etc.

I'm divorced and don't want to look older sooner since my goal is to get married again and we know how shallow men are to us women who aren't 25 anymore.

So if I don't take it, I would be gambling with cancer. It's acary. I'm actually surprised I get to make the decision. The radiologist oncologist is letting me skip the boost because my turmor was so small and she agreed they was okay. So I already feel like I'm cheating on the treatment even though it was approved for me to do so.

Another thing. In Jan I started taking vaginal estrogen cream at the prompting of my gynecologist because she thought it would stop my bladder infections. I stopped taking it after 5-6 weeks because I was so scared of getting breast cancer even though she insisted it wouldn't do that. So it's funny how my tumor grows on estrogen, huh? All the doctors are saying they don't think it's related but who knows? I only found my breast lump because I was so paranoid about the estrogen cream. So it either gave me cancer or saved me because it made me pay attention. The estrogen made my hair thin by the way. I know it will regenerate since I stopped taking it.

What would you do if you were me? Would you take the tamoxifen?