Waiting 2 tell family & my 2nd disease; one wasn't enuf, sigh

wildchid, we are sorry you find yourself here, but glad you found us. Sounds like you've been through a lot. The waiting is indeed really torturous. Many people wait to have a treatment plan and more details before they tell family and friends. It's very individual, of course. Are you going to ask about genetic testing? It sounds as though it could be helpful.

Please keep us posted on what the doctors tell you, and anything else you wish to share.

The Mods

As the sister of someone who has secondary progressive MS and was diagnosed with BC 10 years ago, my reaction was (of course) one of sadness and maybe some anger. Probably the same reaction I would have had whether she had MS or not. Did I worry? Of course. But I also knew that if she dealt with the BC the way she dealt with the MS, she'd be just fine. She's a strong and stubborn woman with a lot going for her. I'm sure that your family sees you the same way.

As others have said, DO take as much time as you need to share the news and do it in bits and pieces based on how you feel. I remember my sister telling me that she'd learned of her diagnosis 2 weeks prior, but needed time for her and her hubby to digest things. I'm over a week out from being diagnosed and I still haven't shared the news with a couple of family members, because it's too emotionally draining. Like edj3, I've been telling a person a day and then taking a few days off.

And just so you know, my sister is doing fabulously 30 years after her MS diagnosis and 10 years after her BC. She has her limitations, of course, but still works full time, travels like crazy, sees a ton of concerts, and always seems to be doing something to stay busy. Honestly, she does more than I do!

PS Kber mentioned Caringbridge and I did post updates later in my tx in a journal on Caringbridge for those that were interested. I still had 2 friends who wouldn't visit that site, and they actually got upset with me that I wouldn't update them personally and regularly. They were the needy ones mentioned in the above post.

Hang in there. We've got good tx ops and I am hopeful yours will be beaten back and you'll be fine.

hi wildchild,

Ughhhh this is def one of the more difficult parts. I hate telling people about breast cancer, I feel like they immediately check out my boobs and with a quick side-eye. Telling my family and loved ones was the hardest because I was already traumatized and then I had to sit through their processing too.

What I ended up doing was I had my mother and my best friend be my voice for me until I felt strong enough emotionally to handle it myself (which I still struggle with).

I also sent out a group email (bcc’ing everyone) where I explained what was happening and told folks to please not respond to me directly but instead to either my bff or my mom. I specifically told people I needed quiet time to collect myself for a while and when I was ready, I would be available to talk about it, if anyone felt like they wanted/needed to.

Sort of the same as the website you mentioned. I thought of using that site but didn’t feel up for the upkeep of it enough, both emotionally and energetically.

Form your forcefield of love and protection around you in whatever context that is and let yourself be taken care of by a couple few good loved ones. Let them figure out how to help you, and don’t worry about doing the work for them. Right now, the need is to focus on yourself and get through each day. Sending lots of love and a gentle hug to you ♥️

Hi wildchid. As both a BC survivor and MS of 17 years I can sympathize with the need to limit or at least control information. The stress pushed MS in to high gear, after BC diagnosis. Still dealing with the MS symptoms and mastectomy healing. Someone posted years ago on the Mass. Gen Hospital "Brainforum" about having cancer and MS. I recall some of her words and she felt that the cancer was such a difficult journey, but after the journey was completed, she felt cured. MS on the other hand is the disease that keeps on taking. I wasn't sure I agreed one was better or easier to deal with than the other and I'm still not sure. But I had a major MS flare. Now I remember. We may be secondary progressive, but boy those attacks still hit like a baseball bat to the head. So caution as you will be unable to take steroids (I do solumedrol for distinct attacks) for awhile before, during or after surgery. I love that you have the greatest support from your husband. I, too am blessed with a hero of that caliber.

DiagnosisDisruption I think your method was very emotionally healthy and not at all a jerk or asshole move or selfish. In fact, I'd argue that (to use a current buzzword) you demonstrated a lot of self-care.

Of course I may think that because it's very nearly what I did, only sub in my personal blog for a Caring Bridge one.