Which is the worse part of cancer treatment?

The worst part? Being stage IV. Although I have done well for 8 years, progression possibilities are always lurking in my mind. It takes it's toll on one, mentally and emotionally, even if I have been fortunate enough not to have had too many awful physical se's. I have switched between all three AI’s, not because of progression, but to try to outwit the se’s. Still, aching joints and bone pain look more attractive to me than progressiondeath.I think the stage IV perspective is different, because we know that chances are not in our favor of it ever ending well.

I'd say its a tie between radiation and fear of recurrence. My risk of recurrence is pretty high even with all the treatment I've had. Also, I was really into financial planning for my future and it all seems so futile now.

chemo. Red devil, taxotere. Even though AIs put me on a walker, chemo was the worst.

The last two chemos. Taxotere/Carboplatin. Unreal anemia and mental exhaustion. I could not walk from my car to my house without gulping for air. Lx was a breeze, and rads was a breeze until the last 7 treatments (but it also healed really fast).

Probably the fear of recurrence because that will always be there for me.I’m 8 years out but we all know there are no guarantees. I had IDC, Stage 1b, Grade 1. Surgery was fine and the radiation was too. Tamoxifen was another story. Joint pain and hot flashes were brutal at times. Luckily I only had to take it 5 years.

Diane

Worst part for me also is fear of recurrence. i was never afraid of the treatments ...I had 8 surgeries in 18 months and throw in chemo radiation and AI’s and a bout of severe sepsis🙄 . I knew I’d be able to get through all of it ....and if someone told me let’s do every single one again and it will guarantee it won’t come back, I’d go through it again. Unfortunately I don’t have that guarantee and the fear of it coming back is sometimes paralyzing. I see my onco in two weeks. First time we’ve gone six months without seeing each other and bloodwork. I’m terrified.

For me, it was chemo (AC-T). So many SEs to deal with on a daily basis and mentally feeling exhausted from pushing myself to go to each infusion. Looking back, I don’t know how I ever did it.

I second Marijen's and Wrenn's comments. There has not been one pleasantry associated with having BC but fear of the unknown remains the driving force.

This is a great question with interesting answers. I'm not really sure how to answer. I haven't had rads yet, so maybe that will be the worst!

There's not much good to say about it all, but for me the worst is the psychological part. When I was diagnosed at the end of February, I was probably in the best shape, mentally and physically, in my life. Besides the confusion and feeling like I was stumbling through someone else's story, one of the first things I felt was my self-image as "healthy" was stripped away. I was strong and sturdy; now I'm weak. That is mentally hard, worse in a lot of ways than catching sight of my bald self in the mirror.

Along with that is the unknowns for the future. I'm not sure it's exactly "fear." I don't think I'm afraid. But I'm really really aware that bad things could happen, that I have less control over the path of my life than I'd assumed. That my husband, who is 14 years older than I am, might not have me around when he needs me most. There's sadness with that thought.

Thanks, Scrafgal. Lumpectomy done, chemo done 7/5. Now I'm on hiatus until mid-August before starting radiation. Taking the break will let me see my son's family in OK in early August. I don't want to expect too much, but I'm hoping for some good recovery between now and then.

MountainMia, you wrote:

When I was diagnosed at the end of February, I was probably in the best shape, mentally and physically, in my life. Besides the confusion and feeling like I was stumbling through someone else's story, one of the first things I felt was my self-image as "healthy" was stripped away. I was strong and sturdy; now I'm weak. That is mentally hard ...

You summed up what I'm feeling: stumbling through someone else's story, stripped away my identity as healthy. I don't even know who I am at this point (which may sound dramatic but man it's true). For me, it's the psychological impact that has been the worst.

Rubyredslippers, you need a new MO. Mine is wonderful.

Mountain Mia,

In terms of one's identity as a well, healthy person-- one of my close friends survived several cancers some years ago... she had colon, breast, melanoma. Nothing further has happened in about 20 years, and she is going strong. She was a great resource for me.

She said, "Look, you're a good apple with a brown spot. They're going to cut out the brown spot, and you'll go back to being a good apple."

It was comforting to me, and I hope it comforts you too.