Decided I have Shrödinger’s cancer...

You know, like Shrödingers cat? Until we open the box the cat could be alive... could be dead. Went to GP because right breast was intermittently swelling up ginormous, itchy inside my nipple, areola hard & swollen sucking in the nipple, blotchy skin dimpled above the areola. Breast wasn’t swollen very big when finally got in (of course not) GP felt a 3cm x 3cm mass in right breast. Scheduled me that day for mammogram.

Squished & 3D mammogrammed (is that a word?) right breast. Of course did the obligatory images of the left. Hmmm, did some more images of the left... need to go in back to check if these are “clear” enough.

She came back and started taking even more images of left breast. I tried to hold REALLY still, figured I must be moving too much. Okay, she says, I’m going to send these to the radiologist.

Go sit in females only waiting area; pretty, feminine sheer curtain covered walls with soothing harp music while I assumed the radiologist looked at the images.

New mammographer appears. Come back in, they need to squish my left breast some more. (Right one, Lady!) This time the pain was awful, she snapped at me; “I’m only at a 1, it has to be an 8.” I started sobbing in pain, she kept snapping at me I’d have to hold still, she would have to stop and wait. Wait? Wait and stretch it out even longer? No! I kept begging her to please just hurry.

After about 4,186 more images later, holding my breath and sobbing as silently as I could between exposures, she instructed me to wait right there while the radiologist makes sure they’re “clear” enough.

Guess they were clear enough, I was immediately moved from mammogram room to u/s room.

Ultrasound tech lady had the personality of a rock. Fortunately my husband could be in there for that. She absolutely refused to engage in any small talk.

When the tech was done and typing stuff up I commented to my husband the u/s was classified as “small bits” and I expressed curiosity if for the men’s egos they hid that part of the screen on testicular exams. We pondered if my 38D breasts were small bits what constituted large bits?

“Large would be abdominal.” She talks!!! “Wait here, the radiologist will come in and talk to you. Radiologist came in with a student in tow and repeated the u/s.

I was very unhappy with the radiologist. She kept saying right breast “was nothing” (3cm x 3cm mass is nothing?), no cysts, just skin thickening since your last mammogram BUT your left breast.... suspicious calcifications and there are no calcifications elsewhere.

Radiologist said the new skin thickening ... well that’s because you have cardiac disease.

I. Don’t. Have. Cardiac. Disease.

Apparently the radiologist found EKGs in my history so chalked the skin thickening up to Heart disease. I have autoimmune issues and have had pericarditis 2x in the past decade.

The radiologist had a speal she refused to deviate from. Any questions we had we were told she would answer when she got to that part of the discussion. Yeah, she never got to all of our questions.

Leave, irritated about the calcifications. Of course I checked with Dr.Google to see what skin thickening meant. The mastitis I figured my symptoms must have been (never having had mastitis before) apparently doesn’t spontaneously resolve/return/resolve/return/etc.

Google skin thickening + breast and see what comes up. Go ahead, do it! That day I learned all Inflammatory Breast Cancer. The Komen site repeatedly said (in special colored font) if your symptoms are ignored - get a second opinion. I felt like the words were meant just for me

Take 2, New hospital. New breast clinic. New radiologist.

Because I have back issues they had me do the mammogram guided biopsy (for the calcifications in the left breast) sitting upright. The machine malfunctioned and couldn’t extract the sample even though the extractor tube thing was already in. I guess the computer couldn’t communicate with the machine properly, it was apparently stuck in test mode.

Sooooo... to the table I went. Fortunately I have larger breasts so I could kind of lay on my side. Unfortunately they came in from a different spots so I basically had two separate biopsies... two numbings... two extractor tubes... two blasts from the machine... but I got two pink ice packs out of the deal so I got that going for me

So I JUST had the biopsy in the left breast, we're on the way home right now and the lidocaine is wearing off.

I have an MRI scheduled in two days for the potential inflammatory breast cancer in the right breast.

I have found it very humorous (in a gallows sense) that it’s a two-fer, Not just a two-fer but two complete opposites, one side the most minor of cancers the other the most aggressive! Only me.

For now it’s only Shrödinger’s cancer. Until that box is opened (aka the test results come back), I’m thinking that cat is alive.

Not sure when results will be in considering Thursday is a holiday (today’s Monday). They said 3 business days for the biopsy and 1 for the MRI, everyone will be gone on the 4th but will anyone be actually working Friday? It might be better to not know until Monday because over the weekend only Dr. Google will be open for questions in case Shrödinger’s cat is dead.

Ali

TL/dr: Went in suspicious of mastitis. Mammogram, ultrasound later... biopsy for DCIS in left breast, getting MRI on the right because it is suspicious of Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In holding pattern for now.