Have You Told Anyone?

I did share with select family members, mostly because my mother has a really bad habit of not sharing health issues until things are not great. So I modeled what I want her to do, which is give us a heads up.

That also made sharing the not great results not such a shock. Everyone knew it was possible.

I'm 4 years out. Only my bro knows. My fam is over the top anxieties which would have made it worse on us all. It'll go with me to my death bed.

Have you been diagnosed yet?

I didn't tell anyone but my husband and grown son until the day before my actual surgery. And I did it kind of humorously. Why make people worry until it's necessary?

maybe you can send them letters just to let them know the genetic aspect.

I haven't told anyone other than my husband because I didn't want to worry anyone. Went in due to enlarged lymph nodes that have since went away. Had a second mammogram and then immediate ultrasound. They still didn't have an answer for me and suggested doing a 6 month follow up. Spot on mammogram, ultrasound tech found something that she measured, radiologists came in and said probably nothing let's see you back in 6 months. Beyond frustrating. Waiting on my Dr to call with recommendation. I'm 34 with 3 children. This is beyond stressful.

It's hardest to tell those we love and whom we know will be emotional because it imho causes US to have to be strong just when we want to be able to just sink into what is happening to us. My Mom was ok but I waited until I knew what I was facing and I selfishly said..... This is happening to me, not you. Please don't cry. I have a very good prognosis and I need you to believe all will be well.... Tough as it was I think that is part of what got me through this journey. Sometimes we gotta be a little selfish. Look after you.

I have to say, my mom was perfect when I told her. She was the right combination of strong & supportive, while showing enough grief to make me feel loved, but not overwhelmed or like I needed to comfort her. However, after she went home and researched "What to say to someone with Cancer", she was convinced she did everything wrong. In fact, she did everything right, *for me*. Different people need different things, but she's known me for 47 years and she was spot on in the end.

My hardest conversation was with my son. His best friend lost his mom to cancer when they were 13. My son was very close to the whole family and rode out their roller coaster with them. He was even at their house when his friend's mom passed away at home under hospice care. 10 years later, when I shared my news, his brain went right back to his 13 year old self and the grief and fear was almost overwhelming. Thankfully, my husband was able to talk him off the ledge, share how my situation was different, share that my medical team was top notch, etc.

Interestingly, my 13 year old daughter took the news in stride. She did her own on-line research at breastcancer.org and with her science teachers, and seemed to handle the entire situation with a surprising amount of grace, calm and even humor.

Other than my kids, and to a lesser extent, my husband, however, I've made it crystal clear that I don't have the emotional reserves to support anyone else through my cancer treatments. This is about me right now. For the rest of my community, if they need support, they need to reach out to and rely on each other. I know my sister and my mom talk regularly and they have cried together about this, but they don't burden me and I'm grateful for that and for the fact that they have each other as well.

I was Birad 4C and only told my husband until we got the results back from the biopsy, which showed a radial scar. I had to have a lumpectomy, and did tell family and a few close friends then, but I was glad I hadn't worried anyone else unnecessarily before when I was pretty convinced it was cancer due to being 4C. In my case, it really only adds to my stress for other people to know and having to keep them updated and field their texts and good hearted messages. I would do it exactly the same way if I had to do it over again.