Recurrence

I'm so sorry you are stressed. Time helps but I doubt the fear ever goes away. I'm starting year 13 and I still get the occasional freak-out moment. Nothing like it was when I was first diagnosed (fetal position and lots of weeping).

There's lots of psycho-babble out there on how to deal with it. A lot depends on your personality as to what would be of more help. Some ladies opt for anti-anxiety meds; some do group therapy, etc.

I guess my view is (most of the time) that anyone can develop cancer. The fact that we are at slightly higher odds doesn't mean we will get it. Just like joe-blow down the street, who never had cancer, can develop it. I keep hoping the further out I am that more treatments will be available. The therapies and options are getting more available and more affordable and that is what I cling to. That and hoping I'm one of the lucky ones. There's a beautiful thread here somewhere on "inspiring stories" that really helped me when I first got here. Worth a read.

Best to you.

Stay off the internet. Don't read about statistics. It takes about 2 years before you stop being terrified. Then it comes and goes, but eventually there will be more days when you don't think about it. You just need time, and make a concerted effort not to dwell (that's hard at first but practice practice).

Two things really help me: Most women do not get reoccurrence, so statistically and personally, the odds are in your favour. Also, at the very bottom line. We all die. Thats helps me anyway.

I understand the fear. My advice to you is to let it go, b/c if and when something happens, then there is plenty of worry to be had.

I was originally diagnosed at age 38 in 2007. My mom died of bc as I was finishing chemo/radiation, and my dad had died of pancreatic cancer, so I didn't have high hopes for myself.

It took me about two years to stop panicking. I had a stretch of about six years where I just blithely went about my business. It was heavenly.

My local recurrence was picked up on MRI, b/c I advocated for myself and didn't let my onc stop my annual breast MRIs, despite her best efforts.

My new primary, three years later, was picked up b/c my tumor markers were rising. Tests didn't turn up anything initially, but eventually they did.

My brain mets were found b/c I was unsteady on chemo for the new primary, and my new onc (she's my fourth onc, BTW) was aggressive in investigating the symptoms.

So, to summarize, if there is something wrong, it will come to light sooner than later. Be your own advocate as necessary. In the meantime, just try to live your life as happily and worry free as possible, b/c when something does go wrong, it will eventually present itself. Then you can worry. Also, don't get caught up in the nonsense about how adjusting your lifestyle will somehow save you from all of this crap. It won't.

You're welcome I wish you the best. And thank you for the prayers.

Beaglelove --- I have a friend who had lobular when she was 45 yrs old. She is now 72 - no reoccurrence. I think that I was more worried about breast cancer before I got it. Now I know that I will be monitored closely for the rest of my life and if it comes back it will be caught early. Since mammograms don't usually see lobular we are lucky ours was diagnosed and treated before it got too large. The worst part of this whole ordeal for me has been my own anxiety. The treatment wasn't nearly as difficult or bad as I anticipated.

Hi

I was supposed to have my first colonoscopy in the same year I finished active treatment--I decided to delay it for about a year-- just helped me mentally--- it was a good decision for me--there is only so much a mind can take--- while it is important to stay up with your appointments, think about organizing them in a way that works for you. For a long time, I had no appointments in the summer--I just felt like I wanted the summer "off". I have noticed that a few of my appointments have morphed to the summer-so I am going to go to them but start moving them again to September/October.... you definitely can have some control over the "when"..... I have a friend who has advanced bc, but is doing really well--when she has her scans, she always couples it with an outing of some sort. For a long time, I used to go shopping after my appointments (that got expensive!!) But you can do things that work for you--- we are fortunate to have this follow up but that does not mean you won't feel anxious--so why not do something nice for yourself at the same time???

That said, this summer (not sure how it happened) I have my colonoscopy on a Thursday and my onc visit on the next day--- that will definitely change going forward!!! I know these extra tests can be scary ( I really dont' want another colonoscopy) but there is so much evidence to suggest that catching things early is really helpful, that for me, that helps me overcome the fear (at least a little).

I also have to say that once you have heard you have cancer, if by chance it should happen again (which hopefully it will not!) (which it did with me with the thyroid) it is not as shocking and you have a full arsenal of skills to employ to deal with it. Again, not saying these things are not scary-they most certainly are.... but you still have some agency in the when you do things, how you do them, etc.

hang in there...

Beaglelove - I had my vaginal ultrasound this afternoon and all is NORMAL for a post menopausal gal. When I had my kidney ultrasound earlier this year, an incidental finding was fluid in the endometrium. All my doctors felt it was important to have it checked out to be sure that it was nothing especially based on my history - I was not having any symptoms so no one was really worried (at least not the doctors) but they wanted to be sure. So now its just monitoring my kidney disease, this weird thing called MGUS (which there is no treatment but need to monitor in case it turns into lymphoma) and twice year with breast cancer oncologist. No one knows what caused the kidney disease or the MGUS - and no treatment at this time as I'm basically "healthy". So now I have 2 oncologist and nephrologist - plus the regular doctors - I see all these doctors in August and September plus need to schedule my DEXA scan - so all is good today. Thanks for your prayers