I wasn't going to post until I knew more, but....

Thank you Rah2464. I apologize for not including more information it's all still such a jumble to me. I don't know what half of it means, though i am learning fast. I was truly vent typing. In answer to your question, I'm looking at the report and it states "Moderately differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma measuring 1.3cm in maximal length in this material." The biomarkers are "Estrogen R Positive: ] 90% strong intensity nuclear staining" and so is the Progesterone receptor, also ] 90% (I can't seem to locate the "greater than" sign on this keyboard!). My lymph nodes appeared "clean" to the doctors on the ultrasound, which is great but I realize isn't the final word. As I mentioned the HER2 is the other thing I could hear about at any second, it's been out for FISH.

I seem to do well if there is nothing imminent. I can compartmentalize and put it away for a few days, with only occasional frightened feelings. But on days like this, when I know to expect the results at any moment or at the latest (I hope anyway!) tomorrow, I just can't manage it well at all. Does anyone else feel this way? It's not denial on the "good days." It is just truly more of a "really no need to be worrying about this right now. offices are closed. nothing to be done. moving on." But waiting for the phone is horrible.

I think it may be time for another good, ugly cry.

Thanks spookiesmom. I am staying away from Dr. Google. I am even staying away from reading here. At least until I know what I am dealing with. But I am grateful to be able to come here and vent. I have a lot of friends, a loving husband and very mature son. I'm lucky with a great support system. But for really really just losing it venting, I'm grateful to have this resources.

I really really hope it's true that this is the worst part. Because otherwise, man....

Wow luckynumber that is wonderful! The nurse mentioned aromatase inhibitors with respect to me eventually, but really it's so early I'm not sure if she was just talking out loud or not. I take it then you're not on HRT. Everyone is telling me I'll be taken off, I've only been on it for 2 months, so that can't be the cause of this but okay. I'll do what I have to do. But I'm very concerned as there is major, fatal heart disease on both sides of my family as well as depression and vascular dementia. All things that estrogen is suppose to help with. I was already being treated for crazy high blood pressure (also new and exciting), and I am not overweight or have any other bad cardiovascular disease markers, at least. And the HBP is fixable with a pill, or in my case two. Well, we'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I will obviously be taken off tomorrow when I see the surgeon. One step at a time.

So let me see. I'm looking at the report and what it says is "KI67 clone MIB-1 (DAKO); computer assisted quantitative IHC." What does that even mean??!

ETA: Oh wait there's more: "Proliferation Index (Ki-167), 18% nuclear staining.

The only thing I see about grade is "histological grade: grade II. There's also a nuclear grade score of 2/3. No clue what any of this means, good or bad.

So I just got my MRI results back and it's good news. It appears to be only the known cancer and the lymph nodes look good, as does the other breast. The tumor presented as 2.7 cm whereas in the ultra sound it was 2cm. but the nurse assured me that they won't know the true size until it's out, and that in her experience the true size is likely somewhere in the middle.

I have also just learned that I am HER2 negative.

No idea what that means, but I'm sure I'll hear all about it from the breast surgeon tomorrow.

Thanks again everyone for holding my hand today.

thank you everyone! You are all so wonderful.

I’m voting for fun too! I think I’ll binge watch the end of The Crown and I have dinner dates with girlfriends tomorrow and Wednesday.

great ideas KBee! Will do same. Thank you

Thank you UpstateNYer and everyone else for your kind words of empathy and great advice. Here's an update, and then I guess I need to move on to a different section of these wonderful forums. I'll figure out where...

So I'm taking your advice and just enjoying myself at every opportunity. Having coffee, dinner, drinks with friends. NOT spending time talking about this with them, instead just having fun. Reading, doing things I love. Frankly, we should ALWAYS live this way!

So I saw he surgeon yesterday, BFF came with me as a second set of ears and it was a great comfort. I've decided on lumpectomy with reconstruction and radiation. However, since my KI-67 os 18, they're going to have to do an oncotype test, sending my tumor to California, to ensure I don't also need chemo before the radiation. Sigh. That will be another nail biting time waiting for THAT result. The surgeon says she doesn't expect any "surprises" with this, but it's out there and will be until we know for sure. I'll manage.

So very upset about having to go off estrogen AND then taking aromatase inhibitors. I've only been on HRT for two months but it had made SUCH a difference in my life.. I felt like a new person. It sucks it sucks it sucks! But I'll manage because I have to.

Because my mother may or may not have also had breast cancer (long story but in short, she felt ill, and by then cancer was everywhere, she died in three months. Nexus was never really determined). Doctor says it's rare for cancer to TRAVEL to the breast so she's going with it was breast cancer, so they recommended genetic screening. It's highly unlikely i have BRCA because there is literally no other history of any cancer of any kind in my family except for my mother and I. But we'll see. That would change the surgical plan of course, but I'm trying not to worry about this one because even the doctor says it's not likely and they're just being super careful.

So I see the plastic surgeon on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I see the radiological oncologist for a presurgical consult. Once I meet with the plastic surgeon the lumpectomy gets scheduled. They work together and it's all done in one procedure. Which is terrific, since I fear the procedures as much as the cancer, having never had anything done in my entire life. Don't have a medical oncologist identified yet, but will eventually.

So that's where I am. Thank you again everyone.

thank you! Will do.

Thank you sflow. My lumpectomy/reconstruction is scheduled for May 10. Only two more weeks. The waiting IS hell. Then will come what to my mind seems the most terrifying part, the pathology report. I get stomach cramps just thinking about it, so I'm trying not to, since it will come in any case no matter how much a I agonize over it or not. Thank you kindly for your prayers and kind thoughts.

Thanks Diane,

I have thought about it actually. But so far I'm okay without them. Somehow, I've been able to compartmentalize all this and it's helped me a lot. I have my ups and downs, no doubt about it. But I know how to handle them, when to let myself cry, when to let myself hit something. Etc..... That's true so far, who knows about later.

I've been very fortunate with my medical team so far, they have been extremely informative and kind, and timely. I read stories on here about how people have to chase their test results. That's not been the case for me. They tell me exactly when to expect the results to be back and they are. I hope this continues. I also have a good friend who is a doctor in the oncology field whom I can pester with my 967,000 random questions. She's been a tremendous help. Thank you for chiming in, believe me I'll keep that option filed away if I ever need it.