Surgery-Tomorrow

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KellyMSM
KellyMSM Member Posts: 15
edited May 2019 in Surgery - Before, During, and After

Help! My surgery is tomorrow and I'm scared shitless. How is it that tomorrow at this time my whole damn left breast will be gone! I chose this. I could have gone lumpectomy. One small cancerous tumor, and two larger atypical areas, and they were still willing to do the lumpectomy and take the 3 spots out. But I said no. There is just too much evil crap going on in that breast. Take the whole damn thing off. And I meant it. Except now I am afraid of being without it. It was easy to say when it was a concept. Now that the reality is here, oh my God, am I doing the right thing? Will my husband be able to even look at me naked anymore? Can I even look at myself? How will it feel? I'm large breasted, I'll be so off balance I think. What does it really feel like? I am panicking. I want to keep it so bad, yet I still want it gone! Can anyone give me a positive thought to hold on to? I've been positive through it all until last night, and boom, reality hit me like a ton of bricks.  

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited April 2019

    Before my bmx, I had similar thoughts. Probably we all do. Then I decided that sucker was trying to kill me and I wasn’t going to let it.

    As for your DH, he’s just as nervous as you, hopefully he will be supporting you.

    When your bandages come off, ready for your first shower, take a deep breath and look. You can do it. 😍.

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  • Wigging2000
    Wigging2000 Member Posts: 295
    edited April 2019

    I had a very similar situation to you and I actually went for BMX after MRI found a suspicious area in the other side (turned out to be benign).

    Are you having reconstruction? Are you doing nipple sparing? That of course will affect all the things you are wondering about in terms of how things will look and feel. I had reconstruction a week after BMX. The pain from BMX was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. You will be numb and that is weird. I am still getting used to that. I did not do nipple sparing so that is also a little weird. It’s all a little weird!

    It is very natural to feel apprehensive this close to surgery, but you made the decision for a reason so trust that.

    Positive thought: I am almost 5 months post surgery and doing great. You will do great too!


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  • RosieRed
    RosieRed Member Posts: 257
    edited April 2019

    I’m with Spookie. I had a BMX as well and I just thought of it as getting rid of the body parts that were creating cancer in my body. I wanted them gone. Do I miss them? Sometimes. But I’d rather miss them than worry about if I had still kept them and they created more cancer.

    Good luck with your surgery.

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  • KellyMSM
    KellyMSM Member Posts: 15
    edited April 2019

    Thank you for responding. I have made the right choice. I know that in my head. My heart feels broken though. I do have a ton of support from my husband but he will be hit with the same reality as me. I have not opted for reconstruction at least not right away. I felt that if i had to go through this, i wanted to experience it wholly. I felt i can always choose to reconstruct in the future, plus i believe i will have a recurrence in the other breast, and I'd rather go through reconstruction once. We never discussed a BMX. It is calming and heartening to hear of your experiences. Thank you for sharing. I can only pray im as strong and courageois as you all are..


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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited April 2019

    Kelly,

    I am so sorry you are going through this. They first thought my tumor was very small and I did try lumpectomy. Then had re-excision because they decided they needed to take more after a month or two. Then after margins were still not clear they decided it had to go. Better to get it out than do a little at a time if you ask me.

    I knew quite a few ladies who did both sides and just had them off when cancer hit one side. I did not do that personally. It is a personal choice for everyone. Same with reconstruction and what kind and if you do it at all. Some do none. Some are not happy with it and do revision. I have known people who remained flat the rest of their lives and were happy with that. Recovery for right now will definitely be faster if you do no reconstruction right now.

    Best of luck to you tomorrow. Let people help you even if you think you do not want it since you will need to rest up and heal.

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  • KellyMSM
    KellyMSM Member Posts: 15
    edited May 2019

    Thank you bcincolorado. I'm now 6 days post mastectomy and doing great! I don't feel as if I miss that dang breast at all! In fact, I like the way my pj top hangs and feel like I could have gotten both removed and been happy. It's not something we ever even discussed though. I never had more than a 3 or 4 on the pain scale as the pain pump was wonderful. More annoying and sore is the drain. I expected to feel absolutely horrible for at least a few days and it didn't happen at all. The first four days I mostly slept, but feel really good now. Sentinel nodes were clear during surgery; waiting on final path report to be sure. I'm so happy I opted for mastectomy right away. I noticed you don't list chemo as a treatment. Are you good with that? I don't want to need it for the obvious reasons, but I feel like, why not get a little extra assurance that there aren't any rogue cancer cells anywhere else? I haven't been told yet that I don't need it, just assuming. How do you feel about that? Thanks again for giving me a boost when I needed it. 

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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited May 2019

    Unless your oncotype score indicates you need, or will benefit from, chemo, just no. Thinking that you should "throw everything at it" is very outdated and for people with low oncotype scores, chemo can do more harm than good.

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  • KellyMSM
    KellyMSM Member Posts: 15
    edited May 2019

    Thanks for the info. I haven't yet received an oncotype score. Does that come after surgery usually? I'll definitely have to ask surgeon about that. 


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