Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Amera,
Hang in there. Our resistance is so low right now that we don't have alot to fight off the colds, flu, etc. It's no wonder you and Rebecca both feel so rotten right now. Hang in there. It WILL get better.

Rebecca, male relatives are the worst when it comes to illnesses and health crises. My poor mother is in a nursing home right now. My step-dad (who I consider a father) is very angry with me because I'm not holding up my share of the care-taking. It is nearly a 3 hour drive for me to get there and I've been limited to once a week on my good two weeks. I am an only child so it's mainly just he and I dealing with the situation. I just don't think that they really THINK about what they say. When they get to a place where they can't fix it, they're completely out of their elements. I had my lumpectomy on December 21st and he wondered why I wasn't going to make the sit-down Christmas dinner that we always have. Go figure!!!! My philosophy is......do what feels right to you. They'll still be there when it's over. :-)

Well....so much for that soap box speech! I'm heading for the recliner and a good book.

Have a good night everybody!

Rita

Rita you always make me smile. You are so right about male relatives! My dad is so clueless sometimes I wonder how he gets around so well. He better watch it with scolding me tomorrow when he is here because I am CRANKY, and I am not going to stand for it! (so there )

Enjoy your book!

Hello all. Went to the oncologist today and explained I've had this nagging cough for 3 weeks now. I have no fever and the Mucinex helps during the day. But I told them I was wiped out. So, it's a good thing they have some blood to look at. So, my Dad is so old and hard of hearing that I can't talk over the phone with him, and I am so glad I got to see him between the surgery and the chemo. My Mom and I have always been close. She calls me every day, sometimes more than once when she feels I need it. And, she's in Holland, mind you. Today I told her how wiped out I've been and she suggested that I might be undernourished. I hadn't thought about it, but I have lost 10 pounds in the three weeks, and I eat what I can stomach, which is half a sandwich and some pretzels and Ramen noodles. Duh. She suggested "astronaut food" such as Encare, and make a whole sandwich and eat what I can and eat the remainder during the day. "I'm not very smart," she said, "so I don't know if this is good advice." Duh, she might not have the college degree, but she's mighty smart in my book. So, I went to Wescoe (does that bring back memories Amera?) and got some Sushi. I could only eat a couple of pieces, but by the end of the afternoon, it was gone. Hey, not a bad idea. So, I got some Encare, and some V8 on the way home.
Hey Amera. It was in the 50's here today, and so the majority of the students were in summer gear: shorts, sandals and t-shirts. By the way, that was quite an experience to get my Sushi. It was noon, and the cafetaria was packed with students. I've never felt so many eyes burning into my turban.

Mizsissy, that really stinks. This is not the time to have to deal with family politics. One would hope that those who care for us would set these things aside in a time of crisis.

I just wrote a whole ranting post, but lost it because I was called away from my computer for too long. sigh. Suffice it to say that my dad was only the start of my family politics. My mom is actually FIGHTING with me over who gets to help out at my house, and gets angry when it is not HER. I tend not to choose her because she is nasty to me, and all she ever wants to talk about are my "symptoms" which is not exactly comforting. She is coming to help during my next chemo (she will be here on my worst day) and I am planning to lock myself in my room. I am not looking forward to it, but someone has to be here to take care of my kids that day because based on the past two chemo cycles, I am likely to be completely incapacitated with bone pain from the neulasta.

On a more optimistic note, the outpouring from other members of my family and from my friends has been inspiring. There are many people in my life that are willing to set aside large chunks of their lives, and inconveinience themselves to help me when they can. My heart fills with joy when I think about how fortunate I really am, despite those few bad apples in the crew.

Hi Robertin!

I also lurk around in a college environment, and I have actually found that people do not look twice at me in my scarf because of the diversity on the campus. There are so many girls here that have scarves on their heads...in so many different styles, that I am actually anonymous! I guess that is why I have not had the experience of the "pity look" because most people do not realize, upon quick viewing, that I do not have hair under my scarf. Strange. Either that, or I am just perceiving myself as anonymous, and using that perception to filter out the pity looks that I am getting behind my back

I am sure that you are not getting as many looks as you think you are getting...and anyway, at a college you could probably blend in bare-headed, just get some spiky bracelets and wear black lipstick (tee hee). Actually my husband's boss advised ME to do that...she said I would look good bald, and could carry it off. NOT. Keep your chin up, and keep smiling, you are beautiful.

OH...and I found that "la creme" yogurt by dannon goes down very nicely, and it has more calories than regular yogurt. Try it...its tasty, too!

Just got back from the grocery store where the check-out lady asked if I was a "survivor." Part of me was touched. She is a 6 year survivor and her MIL is a 13 year survivor. But part of me was a little taken aback. First of all, I thought my wool cap was kinda, sorta normal looking, but apparently, it's clear I am bald underneath. Or maybe as one who has been through it, she has a keen eye.

Anyhow, at what point are we considered "survivors?" I am only part way through the treatment and certainly don't feel like one. Will I ever? I read somewhere that we become survivors the minute we are diagnosed but that doesn't sound right to me. Maybe it's an individual thing. What do you all think?

Amera

Well Amera I think that is a good question. The way that personally have been viewing it is that in the process of getting rid of the cancer (surgery, chemo etc) is also the process of "dying" as a cancer patient, and being reborn as a survivor at the end. After all, when it is done, many of us will be re-entering mainstream life much as we entered it the first time...bald and weak. I am not sure at which point I will view my rebirth as complete, but I imagine that it will be the first day after treatment is completed that I feel "normal" again. I plan to celebrate when it happens.

Amera,

Wow, I was wondering that same thing a couple days ago. When do we consider ourselves survivors. I read somewhere that it is from when you are diagnosed but I agree, I don't exactly feel like I've survived yet (although I know I will). Like Rebecca, I plan on celebrating when the treatment is done and I'm feeling well. Although when it comes to saying I'm a one year survivor and so on, I will probably go by diagnosis date and celebrate my 1 year next November!

Lynn

I agree Lynn, but that brings up yet another ambiguity...when do you count your diagnosis? The day that you got your mammo, and they told you it looked nasty, or the day that you got your biopsy and the Dr went out into the hall and told DH that it was probably cancer, or the day that you get "the talk" in the Drs office? I am thinking that I might use the day of my surgery as my anniversary, because that is the first aggressive attack I made on this enemy. It was that day that I made my stand and announced that I was NOT going down easy.

I am going to count my anniversary as Nov 22, the day the radiologist said the tumor was "highly suggestive of cancer" and my heart dropped to my toes. That was my last day of innocence, of figuring that taking care of myself, and getting regular check ups, would keep me safe until I quietly died in my sleep from a heart attack at 95! My husband dismissed my concerns that night, told me I was overreacting, so I went through the Thanksgiving weekend quietly terrified. I was alone in a hotel room in Boise, Idaho, on a business trip, on Nov 28 when the dr office called and told me I had cancer. Not the best week of my life.
Melia

Viddie et al.

Try the MAGIC HAPPY PILL and it will end everything on Day 5. One Darvocet and a Diet Pepsi early afternoon. And it won't hurt you a bit!!! Your mind clears, the fog goes away, and you suddenly realize who you are again.

Hey, I think I've stumbled onto something magic here. I think I should send this out in a newsletter to all the oncology offices all over the country.

I've been doin it and I'm not hooked. I just have one or two darvocets every two weeks!!

I still have half of my pain script from the surgery leftover.

Mizsissy

I think I have some Darvocets left. I will give that a try. I am feeling like a pharmacist these days. Just went out and got myself some OTC cough meds for this damn cough. I have a couging fit about every 30 minutes and cannot sleep. I didn't check this with my onc but assume it's fine. She would probably say, "Oh, it's nothing don't worry," anyway. So if I have some terrible reaction and they find me, tell them it's the Robitussin please.
Amera

Mizsissy, well said. I completely agree. I don't feel like I deserve the term "survivor" at this point. Nothing has been insurmountable yet, I don't feel like I'm fighting something or in a battle. I am very fortunate that my bc was found early, is small, and hasn't spread. A relatively easy couple of surgeries and a few tired/nauseous days do not make me feel worthy of such a title. And I'm not being modest either.

I think "survivor" has become the breast cancer mantra of late. I've never heard it used with other illness or health concerns. Are you a heart attack, or diabetes "survivor?"

That's not to say that I don't think we have been through a lot, and do not deserve any title we or others give ourselves. I just don't think it applies to me really. Maybe when I am a year or two out I'll say to someone, "Oh, I had breast cancer too." But survivor does not sound like the right term to me. Okay, I'll stop rambling.
Amera

Mizsissy: I agree. The woman at the grocery store blanched when I said I was glad that chemo was not as bad as I'd imagined. I think even 6 years ago it was a different story.
Amera

I hope everyone keeps a positive attitude on what we are going thur, we will beat this!
I was wondering did anyone use an electric razor to shave the stubble, can't believe how painful it really is.