Goodbye letter 4/20/2019 12pm

This is long: just wanted to share.

Today is two weeks before my double mastectomy to get rid of this cancer that has invaded my body. I am not mad, but more sad today realizing my time with my breasts is limited, slowly saying goodbye with deep appreciation for their time with me.

It's harder than I thought it would be. It's similar to saying goodbye to a loved one, I know I will never see or feel them again. Their presence will be missed, I can not pretend it won't. As part of my way to deal with their loss, I wrote this letter to them. I share because not only does it give insight to my feelings but I believe a lot of my feelings are mutual for many woman out there dealing with this, and maybe after reading this, you can help another woman mourn her loss as well.

I am not looking for sympathy just understanding and gentleness, just like you would be caring towards another after the death of a loved one, to me, this is the same.

Now I know, there are so many reasons to be positive, and I am. I would rather be ALIVE than to have these breasts.

I would rather be HERE for my HUSBAND, KIDS and FAMILY & FRIENDS than to have these breasts.

I would rather be HEALTHY and LIVE A LONG LIFE than to have these breasts.

I LOVE my breasts but it's time to say goodbye.

Dear ChiChis, Boobs, Tatas, Girls, Boobies, I have several names for you,

I need to tell you how much you mean to me, and how I am sorry I took you for granted, assuming you would always be a part of me. In a very short time, you will be put to rest and I am mourning my loss. I would have admired you more and regret not giving you more love and attention. I have never even had a conversation with you until now, how foolish of me. These past few weeks I am totally aware of your existence, looking down at my cleavage and touching them while I walk around the house. Don't worry I would never touch you in public! When I am caressed by my husband, I am so conscious of every nerve ending and sensation and I grieve for the loss of those feelings. I can recall the very first time you were touched by him and how I felt amazing, my whole body tingled with excitement. I am lucky to still be with that person and I know he will miss them too. Together we shared our intimate pleasures with you both. The two of us will miss you.

I am so sorry for the few times I accidentally abused you! I recall in 5th grade when you had just made your debut, for the first time recognizing myself as a soon to be woman. I was not yet used to the new protrusions, I was holding up my Catholic school desk lid with my head and forgot you were there when it smashed down on you. I was surprised by the shear sharpness of pain that you shot through my body but I had to hold our pain in because it was during class and I had already gotten my ears twisted once that day for talking too much.

Then there was that time when cleaning up the morning after a party, still in my jammies with no protective armor on to hold you back. I slammed the two halves of the folding table shut with incredible force and you poor left boob was caught unsuspecting between the vice. I fell to my knees crying while cradling you, cursing my stupidity. You cried blood tears too. I iced you until you recuperated and forgave me. Ever since that day, I have tablefoldingphobia! I take great caution when folding tables now.

I have been admiring you more lately and realize you don't look bad for having nursed two babies for 28 months of your life. You were such an important part of my life when I became a mother. The first signs of pregnancy, you were so sore and tender, I swore that the air made you hurt. Then the beautiful moments, minutes after each birth, both of my children knew exactly how to find you and you were there, ready to work. Remember when my milk came in? I woke up and you made a huge puddle of your liquid gold all over the bed. You used to spray milk on my babies faces because you were so excited to feed them. I had to hold a towel under the other boob because it had to wait for its turn to feed. If you heard the babies cry, you thought it was time for them to drink again. I remember fondly the day each of my babies signed for you with their chubby little hands, "milk." Their first signs were for you. You served such a beautiful purpose and I am so thankful you gave me that opportunity that not every mother gets to experience. You sustained them for the first year of their lives and I am forever grateful.

I really do love you. You have been a part of all my womanhood, a place where a head might be rested while reading a book together or cuddling, bouncing along for a jump on the trampoline or letting me know you were there during some runs. You always told me when it was cold outside and when to put on a jacket on to cover you up. My heart is broken that you won't be there anymore. I know I will have a reconstructed friends put in to try and fill your shoes, but you and I both know, it will never be the same. I hope that I learn to appreciate them when they arrive months down the road. They will help to fill the void but you will never be forgotten. When I see the scars left behind from your removal, it will remind me that I wanted to fight to live and had to sacrifice you in order to do that. Saying goodbye isn't easy, I will never forget you and always think of you with admiration and many pleasant memories. Thank you for all you have given me.

With love, Tiffany

This may sound strange, but I recommend taking pictures of them. I wish I had before sending them away. I miss them.

All good thoughts your way, Tiffany. I can’t imagine how sad you must be. What a wonderful idea to put down all of those feelings. I hope it brought you some peace and acceptance.

Very beautiful and so moving. I am so very sorry you have to say goodbye to a part of you that you have loved and that loves you. May your tender feelings heal as your body does.

Yes.

That was incredibly beautiful and I think would help many women who are losing their beloved girls. I wish you peace, good health and happy memories. Thank you so much for sharing. Big Hugs while you wait for news (which I hope will be good)