Tests tomorrow with health anxiety

Did your GYN send you to get a mammogram or other testing?

Hi Bethar,

It is very hard to be without your mom at a time like this. I also went through it without my mother, and single no children. (Though I lost my mother much younger and was more used to going through things without her).

I'm guessing that your experience of this is compounded by your very fresh grief, and maybe shock if it was a sudden stroke. That makes it so hard. Do you have any family or friends you could go stay with for a couple of days, or who could come stay with you? It might feel better just to not be alone. If you don't have a therapist, now would be a great time to set one up. Losing one's mother is a BFD.

From the cancer perspective, I'll say that my story started out a lot like yours, and for me it did turn out to be cancer. That doesn't mean it will for you! But it also turned out to be early stage cancer, which yours most likely would as well. It's treatable and I've done the active treatment and now I'm struggling with the side effects of the hormonal treatment. It's annoying as hell but it's not doom and gloom. I have many friends with one kind of chronic illness or another, and now I have my own version of it too.

On the mother front, I'll say that especially in the beginning, I used to light a candle that smelled good and write letters to my mother in a journal I bought for that purpose and sob. Mostly they were just sad and repetitive, but they helped me feel the feelings and I needed to. When I was cried out, I'd take a shower and usually go to sleep.

If researching the lump is feeling comforting to you, go for it. But if not, find something else that is, or do what you need to do to feel the feelings. Being scared is ok. Missing mom is ok. Feeling alone is ok. Feeling not ok is also ok.