in acute crisis due to potential mets dx

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elise24601
elise24601 Member Posts: 155
edited March 2019 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I have pretty serious pre-existing anxiety/panic disorder and PTSD, that I treat with nightly Ativan and weekly therapy, but right now it's not enough.

Currently having a scare - new pain symptoms have emerged that require scans to see if my cancer has returned and spread to my bones.

I am in emotional/mental/psychological HELL right now. Paralyzed with fear, can't eat or sleep, have been bedridden since the onset of symptoms 2 weeks ago. Can't stop crying. Never been in this dark of a place before. Absolute terror.

I have what is called "thanatophobia" or fear of death (I know most people experience this, but mine is a disorder) and I know that if I do have MBC, I will die in less than 5 years (possibly as soon as 2-3 years depending on how I respond to treatment) and I am now 34. These two diagnoses are not compatible with each other. My oncologist said to me: "When I meet him, I am going to ask God why he would torture someone like this."

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited March 2019

    Hi there. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you contacted your psychiatrist? He/she might be able to prescribe more Ativan or add something to get you through the waiting period. You are not alone in this. Many of us have to take an anti anxiety med at this time. I understand foe you it is worse. Maybe a friend or family member can advocate for you. Hope this helps. Good luck and please keep us posted.

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  • Kanga_Roo
    Kanga_Roo Member Posts: 333
    edited March 2019

    Elise, sending you a big virtual hug!

    I know when I was dx I was in a very dark place too - facing death and the stress of cancer and all that involves, places huge stress on our minds and bodies. Things started to get better as I read more about new drugs that enable us to live longer with better quality of life. My onc put me on the kisqali/letrazol combo which has markedly shrunk my cancer and I tolerate it quite well. She told me to treat my cancer like diabetes... it's not curable, but it is manageable.

    I have a couple of mantras that help me “not today cancer" and when faced with the unknown I tell myself to “toughen up princess"

    We all have different ways of coping and I hope you can find yours and move out of your darkness. I love the sentiments in this meme, hope you do too... cheers, Jackie.image

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  • vlnrph
    vlnrph Member Posts: 1,632
    edited March 2019

    Dear Elise, bone mets from BC are not an immediate death sentence! Many people remain stable, on treatment (not chemo) for a long time, perhaps a decade or more. By then maybe new therapies will help us last even longer.

    The 2-3 or five year survival statistics you might have seen are probably not accurate for those diagnosed in 2019.

    The fact that you had hormone positive disease allows for anti-estrogen agents to be employed, assuming that the biopsy that should be performed shows the same pathology. Interventional radiologists have amazing procedures which target the specific problem areas. So, don't give up yet. Could there be a benign reason for the pain?

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