I feel guilty complaining

No reason at all to feel guilty that you dodged treatment. You still have this insidious disease and that’s enough to make anyone anxious and depressed. You are fortunate to not have to have treatments. That’s good news.

I agree with your husband join a group. I did and it’s made a world of difference being able to share. You are all there for the same reason in various stages and treatments and kinds of breast cancer so you have a bond no matter what you are dealing with in the process. There are several ladies in my group who have horrific issues to deal with their BC like lymphadema and one even is Stage IV now. We are all sympathetic and understanding of each other. No one thinks of you as being a whiner over nothing because it is something whether you are suffering as much as they are or not.

I am blessed too that I will be 8 years out in August God willing.

There is no group that can offer what these ladies can and have because no one understands better than they do.

Good luck. I promise you feel better if you can latch on to a group and compare notes.

Diane

Via, you are not alone! Guilt is something I have struggled with as well since my diagnosis - I went through surgery and radiation but no chemo due to the early stage diagnosis and low oncotype score...I felt like I had no room to be upset about my diagnosis and prognosis because so many women had it much worse then I did. I'll be honest, I still struggle with it. But after talking through it with some of my care team, I realized that ANY diagnosis and treatment of BC is serious and scary and upsetting and painful, even if your prognosis is very favorable. It is so important to let yourself feel the emotions you are feeling and to share them with someone...it really does help! I've found so much encouragement and support just from this community. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

seriously!,be happy, I'm happy for you! I had plenty of nasty treatments, and I'm so, so happy when I hear from people who didn't have to have all the menu! My non cancer friends always apologize when they complain about some pain, or minor health issues. If someone is going through trauma of their own, they shouldn't feel guilty cause it's not as bad as someone else's. And you have every right to complain and feel sad, you have cancer! It sucks, no matter what treatments you have or dont have. Your pain doesn't lessen my pain and my pain doesn't lessen yours! I say, Bitch Away!! Cancer Sucks! Be sad for awhile, then be happy. I'm happy you dont have to have chemo or radiation, I wish nobody had to!

Oh Via honey - sending virtual hugs to you!!

This is such an emotional roller coaster and you have the right to your feelings!  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  Cancer always sucks, no matter what.  Be kind to yourself and if it helps, talk to someone.  I agree with the posters above that the support groups would welcome you with open arms.  You'll find some who went through the whole menu, and some who had treatment like yours.  If that's too big of a step or not your thing, maybe one on one is the better way to go.

But please don't ever beat yourself up for surviving!  You faced down a monster and came out the other side.  It's inspirational and encouraging!

I felt the same. I dodged chemo and rads. Had a double mastectomy and walked out of hospital next day on my own and was raising my arms in a few days over my head. Yeah, I felt I had no right to even say I had cancer, because I didn't look like it unless I'd pull up my shirt. I remember saying that to my gyno and he said, it's not less significant that I had cancer and no other treatment than someone that had to. He said you didn't chose the type of cancer you got. Cancer is cancer.

Of course I still feel that way a bit, but cancer sucks for us all. Some more physically than others and i give them all the kudos in the world. My sister is one. She was diagnosed years ago with IBC which is a Stage 3 out the gate had chemo before, surgery, rads. She was the first person I called when If ound out I had BC. When I found out after surgery and Oncotype that I didnt need chemo...and no rads because my nodes were clean..I felt almost like how could I complain to her when she went through so much worse. She was there for me, and told me the same like my Dr. said. Cancer is cancer. Do what feels right for you, go to a group, go private to a therapist, whatever you need to do.

Maybe we need to start a group for those of us lol.

Join a group for survivors. I think the psychological SEs of cancer are way worse than any treatment related ones. I would not deny you my sympathy just because I went through more treatment than you, especially now since treatment is over. I sometimes think that I'd trade places with people with lower grade cancers who got to keep their boobs and lymph nodes, but I certainly don't think they don't deserve as much support as I do. It's not the treatment that I need support for, it's the risk of recurrence hanging over my head, and not being able to ignore my own mortality anymore that I need support for.

I've never felt the need for a support group, just an occasional vent. Besides, I'd have to pick a cancer and I wouldn't know which one! I have looked for multiple primary cancer forums but they don't exist under that name or any name I can think of. I'd really like to connect with other medical weirdos.

Believe it or not, some people think I should go around feeling only gratitude because I've had a good response to treatment for metastatic breast cancer. You know, that kind of blind mentality “be glad you're alive!" Please. I feel a whole mixture of emotions. I’m sure you do, too, even tho our situatiins are different.

I read an article about a new book (written by a therapist) called “Maybe You Should Talk To Somebody". (I plan to read the book). — “With startling wisdom and humor, Gottlieb invites us into her world as both clinician and patient, examining the truths and fictions we tell ourselves and others as we teeter on the tightrope between love and desire, meaning and mortality, guilt and redemption, terror and courage, hope and change.

She discusses how people tend to minimize pain, and here is an except from her book:

“On her belief that there's no hierarchy of pain:

As a therapist in therapy, I feel like often we minimize our problems. You know, "It was a breakup, not a divorce." It's kind of like people who have a miscarriage but they didn't lose a child who was 8 years old. They're these silent losses. ... I don't think there's a hierarchy of pain. ... Pain is pain.

So even when I was seeing this woman who was dying of cancer, for example, and [she] was in her 30s and newly married and all of a sudden she was dealing with this horrible life situation, and then I'd have to go to a session where someone says, "My husband never initiates sex" or "The babysitter's stealing from me." I used to worry that I would not take their problems as seriously. But what I realized is that usually the thing that they're having a problem with is indicative of a deeper pain. What does it mean to be rejected or unloved by your partner? What does it mean when someone betrays your trust?

I think that often we minimize our problems. We think, "Well, yeah, I've been sad for two months, but it's not that big of a deal because I have all these other great things in my life. I have a roof over my head, and I have a family" and whatever you might have.

But pain is pain."

Another aspect of this is that, as women, the issues we deal with in general are often minimized, sometimes trivialized and not given priority, We're often taught to say things like “It's okay." “I'm alright." and we’re often expected to take care of others and not so much ourselves. I can remember at a support group I went to briefly that the women there told me it was time to be selfish and take care of me. Gradually, I’ve gotten better at it, listening to my own intuition and feelings.

Via, a really good outlet is journaling. Every day, write three pages of whatever you're feeling. No one ever has to see what you write. It's a very therapeutic exercise, and especially when I go through really rough patches, writing helps. It helps us collect our thoughts, organize them and get in touch with all that we're feeling.

I understand. I "only" have a tiny DCIS, so I shouldn't complain. I had the tiny bit removed via lumpectomy with clear margins. Yet I still have to do rads for some reason. I meet with the RO next week for the first time.

Agree with everything you said.