It’s been 2 years..

Rrobin0200
Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
edited March 2019 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

It’s been 2 years and 3 days since that dreaded phone call. Does it ever get easier? Some say it’s “just dcis,” or better yet, “it’s the cancer to have if you’re going to get cancer.” Really? Then why do I still feel down and out? Surgery is over, I should just move on. But I can’t... it’s always on my mind. Time heals all wounds? Idk...

physically I’m fine. Emotionally I’m at a standstill. Better than 2 years ago, for sure, but geez, I just want my old life back. Tired of acting fine on the outside to people when really I’m still struggling on the inside. Not gonna happen, right? How are you moving on? I should be happy... but yet fear still gets the best of me.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • blah333
    blah333 Member Posts: 270
    edited March 2019

    Life is different on the other side, even with the "easy" cancer. I also got a double mastectomy for DCIS due to my age and my mom having DCIS return in her opposite breast. Breast cancer seems "common" yet - is it? Aside from my mom and other people's mom's I don't know anyone who has gone through this yet. People who havent had to deal with a diagnosis don't know what it's like, to change ("ruin") your body, have the worry of it coming back, possible lymphedema etc......


    I am 1.5 years after my surgery and I think I don't think about it much..... but I probably do. Any time I feel a weird sensation it's so much more alarming now. I would have felt much better if I did not start to have intermittent swelling 9 months (to present) after my surgery, then have a scare with a swollen lymph node. It's stressful and occasionally I feel doomed. But 90% of the time I feel ok. My vitality feels different, degraded. It can be a drag.... People wonder why I don't go out any more, I just don't want to waste the time. I have less time for frivolous things. Other people never mention it and assume I'm back to being OK. It's mainly small things that seep back in and color my life negatively.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ingerp
    Ingerp Member Posts: 2,624
    edited March 2019

    Rrobin have you thought about talking to someone? So many of us end up with depression or even PTSD. Some talk therapy and/or an antidepressant might give you some help.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited March 2019

    I am on a low dose antidepressant. I have the “best” insurance but it doesn’t cover talk therapy. And honestly, the only people that truly understand are those that have gone trough it themselves. And then I get depressed listening to their stories.. it’s a catch 22.


    I’ll be ok. I have good days and bad days. Probably more better days. Just having a pity party, I guess, since it’s my “anniversary.”


    Hugs to all of you

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ingerp
    Ingerp Member Posts: 2,624
    edited March 2019

    Absolutely get that. This is the perfect place to vent. Cancerversaries are tough. I also think warmer days with more daylight will help all of us.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited March 2019

    Robin: For me it did get much easier, but I was in a terrible place emotionally still at two years post dx. I actually hit a wall about then. Got through it with the help of a psychiatrist from oncology. I had to realize I was trying to do everything perfectly so that I could regain control over my life (and health). Once I worked through that, I was able to become more balanced. Your issues may be completely different, but talk therapy is not "self help". They do not always need to have experienced what we did in order to help. But a very experienced and specialized therapist will understand the associated issues. Or perhaps just more time between you and your dx will also help. All I really know is that I feel much better now and have for years. What you have experienced is life altering and it is so normal to still be reeling by its impact. I hope some other "oldies" chime in here as I bet most are doing very well. So well, they are no longer around here. (((((hugs)))))

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited March 2019

    thanks everyone for the warm advice. It stinks we’re all here, but at least we’re all together.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited March 2019

    My anniversary is 3/5. I celebrate having had no recurrence! Since diagnosis, I do things like wear the pretty dress that I might have saved for something special. I took my vintage china out of storage and started using it more often, even if just for a tea party with my daughter. I like celebrating life in those little ways and think to myself, "What are you waiting for???" I need to think like this in the big ways too!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited March 2019

    LAstar, yes! Even if it's silly things like wearing my good perfume around the house. And I've noticed I'm more drawn to bright cheerful colors to wear after being a beige and gray person most of my life. Of course, I'm still at the point of being happy to have a month without appointments. I have no idea what day I found out my diagnosis, late May or early June last year? It's not something I want or need to mark in my yearly mental calendar.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited March 2019

    I love the way y’all think!! Great advice!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Peacetoallcuzweneedit
    Peacetoallcuzweneedit Member Posts: 233
    edited March 2019

    I'm coming up on two years in May - I am not sure if I have gotten "better" with time... I absolutely had some PTSD type symptoms for a while.... I stay busy and I can do it for months at a time where I stay in a "good" place and then something triggers whatever is inside and I feel doomed for a good two to three days and then getting out of that place takes another two to three days. I've gotten involved in two support groups and that is so very helpful and where I feel the best/understood. People around me "get" some of it but I have always been the one others relied on to fix stuff/listen to problems/etc. I am not there like that anymore - I give it all to my job where I have to do it, and after that I prioritize myself and trying to figure out "what the hell happened in 2017???" I still feel shell shocked at times. I pretty much feel disconnected to my implants, and I sometimes remember the events (double mx, reconstruction, plus cervical ca and hysterectomy) but its almost like it is a movie in a mind and I sit in disbelief and like "did all that really happen??" (still dont have nipples - just cant even muster up the energy for another surgery still) Then I think - when I am in that not so hot place - "god this shit comes back whenever the hell it feels like it." I know that thought process is not healthy so I put my energy into getting myself in a better place...and that is where I am at... making sure I don't give cancer anymore of my time AND that takes still a lot of effort. I am traveling a lot more....a lot more...and I stop more to just feel the sun and the wind. I didn't do that before cancer, well a good two to three years before cancer - I had stopped doing the things that brought me joy - I was on autopilot just taking care of everyone else thinking I would get "back" to myself or putting myself out there for others in ways I didn't have to give - and for sure that mindset has stopped. I am getting back to me....and that is a balancing act...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited March 2019

    peace.. you said it perfectly.. it definitely is a balancing act. One that takes awhile to stabilize!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kkubsky
    Kkubsky Member Posts: 231
    edited March 2019

    Well I am glad I am not the only one who struggled for years. I had my 3 yr cancerversary and had major scanxiety. BUT recently I have finally "unfollowed" the several DCIS Facebook pages I was on and for some reason am able to start letting go of recurrence fears. I doubt they will ever completely go away but they are slowly receding into the background. I spent a lot of time and effort trying to find the one thing that could guarantee that I would not have to deal with this again. Well, that one thing doesn't exist. And I have already spent too much time and worry looking for it. I can only try to stay healthy and make sure I get the proper screenings and hope that is enough to prevent a recurrence. My fear of recurrence is not easy to get rid of but for the first time in 3 years I feel like I have taken a step forward. It is most certainly a roller coaster ride with a lot of unexpected twists and turns. Hope that I have reached the end of that ride now and never get on that one again!!


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rrobin0200
    Rrobin0200 Member Posts: 433
    edited April 2019

    kk, very wise to unfollow DCIS fb groups. I need to take your advice. I'm sure I would feel a whole heck of a lot better ifI did the same.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kkubsky
    Kkubsky Member Posts: 231
    edited March 2019

    I am so happy I no longer am bombarded by FB notifications. It was really getting overwhelming. I hope that over the past few years I was able to help someone who was just beginning their "ride" but I am at a point where I needed to get off of the FB groups. It was so hard to do but so glad I did it.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories