Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

Hi there - I too was diagnosed last June with bone mets and like you I was terrified. It takes time to process and accept the new diagnosis. I thought I was out of the woods following the initial diagnosis in 2012. It was a very scary time for me too and as a mum with 3 children I was overwhelmed. I can say it probably took me 6 months to really get my head around it.I got lots of help. The day after my diagnosis I saw a physcho- therapist to help me manage the stress. That helped me no end. Now I feel that living with cancer comes the new normal. It blends into your new way of living. You get used to it and adapt. Some days are more normal than others. I have a lot less sad days and moments. I have a lot more hope today and a lot less fear than I did last June. Knowledge is key when you are open and ready for it. It all takes time so you need to very compassionate to yourself and take one day at a time. Let the tears fall. I did for a long time and now I feel so much better. I am a much stronger, resilient person mentally. I look at my kids with much more love and tenderness than fear. I have learned to live for the moment and I have found gratitude in every moment. It takes practise. But once you are over the initial hurdles there is a lot of living to be done. Some things I have learned - you need a good sense of humour ( it will come), do not compare yourself to anyone else, have compassion for yourself, ask for help and discover gratitude. best wishes to you. I never imagined I would be able to write such a reply 9 months ago - and one day you will have that strength to do so too.

What Are DX details? I am still figuring out how to use this site!

Good news is I found out yesterday that mt bone mets is estrogen positive. Having my ovaries removed next week, so doctor is moving fast!

Chloesmom don’t forget to use the search engine! Just put in a word and choose a board and you’ll see conversations under many headings that may contain pertinent information for you. If you find one you want to follow add it to your favorite topics and you’ll see when someone add to the conversation.

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while - usually lurk, but wanted to say hello to old friends and to give newcomers some hope. I was originally diagnosed at age 41 (Stage 1) and then Stage 4 with mets to bones (everywhere!!!!!) and liver at age 44. I was terrified, as was everyone around me; my husband, friends, family, kids. It was terrible... 3 weeks in the hospital getting radiation, into a back brace that I wore 24/7, and onto 4 months of chemo. Horrible side effects - had two pleurodesis surgeries to drain fluid in lungs, etc - so two more weeks in the hospital. I think I sat in one chair for six months and didn't even walk to the mailbox. I weighed 100 pounds. (the ONLY positive from the whole ordeal was that for the first time in my life I had thin thighs.) Anyway - all this to say that the chemo and continued Herceptin has worked, and I have been NED for a long time - I think almost 5 years. I get scans once a year, Herceptin pretty regularly and Xgeva shots once a quarter. I have gone back to being very active - running, hiking, skiing, tennis, etc. I have watched both of my kids graduate from high school (that was my goal when diagnosed) and on to college, as well as two step-kids. I am grateful for each day, and I have learned to sort of compartmentalize my cancer and not let it invade my every day living. (this works for me most of the time) My diet has gotten about 500% better, but I do still drink occasionally and I have NOT given up sugar. I have gone on some amazing family vacations and "girlfriend" trips and have more planned for this year. When I was first diagnosed I wouldn't plan anything more than 6 mo out and I worried the whole way up to whatever the trip was, and now I don't even think about it - I just book it. I work full time. I know I am very, very fortunate and that some day, the other shoe is going to drop but in the meantime, I live as fully as I can. 

There really can be hope! I love reading this thread and I am sorry that I don't contribute more!

XO

Andrea

Hello All, new to the community, but have been lurking for a while. Dx'd stage 4 in April 2018, 11 years after initial treatment and everything thrown at the cancer including surgery, chemo and 5 years tamoxifen. Devastated when recurrence with tumour on chest wall and Mets cells in pleura found. Same pathology, so was never really clear it seems. A few rogue cells is all it took.

Experiencing the highs and lows of this scary situation - As are you all! I'm in Scotland and well cared for by our NHS, although have private cover too which I used for last treatment. Might drop back into that later.

Still working full time in a full on job but getting great support ( which I expect after 30+ years service as a teacher and now at authority level). I see too many of you do not have that support. Appalling. Will retire soon though, I'm 54 and want to make the best of the time I have left however long that may be. My team says we keep going until we don't basically. No timescale or prognosis. Coping OK with the SE's but pretty tired!

Last scan in Dec (CT) showed NED after 6 months on Letrozole and Ibrance - only licenced here since Nov 2017. I'm incredibly grateful for all of your inspiring stories and hope.

Fiber arts is a new one on me! Today I visited our 3 very good local charity shops and asked if they could let me know when they have old wool/ cashmere items donated with holes in them, which they can't sell on... they usually send straight to rag recycling. But I can upcycle them to have a new purpose and would pay more than they get for recycling. 2 out of the 3 said that was a great idea and took my details and 1 was a flat no.... nae vision in my view. Basically I'm looking for something productive to do when I stop work and would rather make things which can be used!

I knit and purl Continental/European style, too. It goes much faster. You hold the yarn similar to crocheting, and you don't have to constantly look down at what you're doing, especially if it's a muffler or something easy.

L

exbrnexgrl, just the basics so far! I’m building confidence.Even putting my old cashmere in the washing machine to ‘felt’ it was emotional ....most of it I’ve had for years and was just worn through. Hats and mits are good in Scotland with our weather!

ABeautifulSunset, Congratulations to you and your daughter. How exciting for her to look forward to UCLA. You deserve to be a proud mama! WOOHOO! May you continue to enjoy many more milestones

Hugs and prayers from, Lynne

Beautiful Sunset - Congratulations to both of you! That is an amazing accomplishment! I wanted to live to see my boys graduate from high school, which I did.... so now I am shooting for college graduation too. The oldest is senior at CU in Boulder.... taking a tiny bit more time and hopefully graduating in December. I will be so happy and relieved - for me AND for him.