Mourning or grieving the life we give up to fight cancer

Hey there Philly,

I was DX in March 2017 and began treatment in May after all the tests were run and a firm plan of action was determined. we seem to be on a similar tract though I am her2+++ . I have found after 2 years that my hermit status has continued.

I think that my husband thinks that I should be up and around cleaning the house and maintaining it like I used to. BUT I am 61 years old, also working F/T 40 hours a week just as I did over the full 2 years of chemo, radiation and surgery. I only took disability leave the month of January 2018 to give my body a rest. That and a week off for surgery recovery.

I am going to retire from the work force in 3 years when I react 65 passing that baton to him. I have decided enough is enough. By then I can get on Medi-cal and not have to work just to have medical insurance.

AngelsGal

https://community.breastcancer.org/member/222693/profile

Grey - Your post made my heart want to come wrap around you and hug you. I am sorry you have been feeling and experiencing so much outcasting and rejection from those who are supposed to love and support you. That is a really brutally f*cked up situation.

I don't know what I can do to offer you help but the first thing that came into my mind was that while you have every right to be pissed, grieve, yell scream and cry, that I feel an inkling of hope in this messiness that you have the power and strength to be whoever you want to be and find a new tribe who will love and respect you. And who are wise enough to know how to treat and act around people who unfortunately succumb to illness in their lives. Like your friends and family have never been sick or had anyone be sick or get a diagnosis of some sort like diabetes or high blood pressure or heart disease where they had to take some type of medication? What a BS catch 22 that is!!

Screw them!! Time to find your people who love you and care you. There's billions of humans on this planet. So many of us feel and experience loneliness. We find ways to find one another in the midst of having toxic families. Hugs

Grey - I am so sorry to hear about your terrible situation --- your family sounds absolutely heartless. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can find at least some support on these boards.

I am having a bad day, because lately every day seems to be a bad day. I would love to go one month without some horrible doctor's appointment which always involves discussion of horrible things, or appointments full of horrible procedures,, or endless blood draws, endless side effects from medication that the doctors don't give the time of day to. My eyebrows and eyelashes are nearly gone, and my hair is so thin it's embarrassing, and this time they will not be coming back. I look ten years older than I did a few months ago. Usually in the winter I go to Florida, so far this year my illness has prevented that, and I am stuck in the brutal Canadian winter weather. It is hard to even go for a walk, without a hundred layers on, it is slippery, and it is usually a miserable fight with a bitter wind. The days are grey and cold.

Today I was thinking, "how can I go on like this?" Because it will never end. It's not like when I had Stage II cancer and there was an end in sight of all the treatments. Now it will go on as long as I can survive, and I can hardly stand it. I wish I could "cherish each day", but I hardly have the energy to get out of bed and have to force myself to eat.