The Waiting Is Exhusting

Hello. First of all, thank you to all the wonderful posters that take the time to post and respond. Just reading these has brought me some comfort. My mother was dx with Stage IV breast cancer at age 67 and died three years later. She suffered much during those three years unfortunately. I started getting mammograms at 39. I am now 49. The second one I had, I was told that I had abnormalities and had to have biopsy. The abnormalities were found to be b9 calcifications: however, they did find that I have LCIS in my right breast. My breast surgeon told me my probability of getting breast cancer was 22%. To me, that is a hard number to conceptialiaze. I did not choose to take preventative tamoxifin as I was concerned of side effects and 22% didnt sound abnormally high. For the last four years, since being dx'd with LCIS, I have a screening MRI in summer and a screening 3D mammogram in winter. All have been no issues until now.

I had my mammogram on Dec 31. On Januaray 2, my phone rings and it is hospital. My heart sinks because that means bad news. They tell me that I need to come I for ultrasound for additional views but cant tell me more than that. I call the nurse practioner at my breast surgeon and ask her to pull the films. She tells me there is no mass, just architectural distortion on my left breast. She then explains this is usually from you breathing when you shouldnt or maybe moving a little and the film isnt clear. She assured me that it would could be cancer but highly unlikely since I had clear MRI in July. She then told me she was going to have the nurse navigator check on me during my appointment and give her an update during my appointment tomorrow. She also told me that the radiologist would be in room with me talking to me and I would have a plan before I left. I have a habit of overanalyzing things, and was a little concerned why she would have nurse navigator check in and why would I need a plan before I leave, if it was simply the film was hard to read because I breathed at wrong moment.i startrd reading about architectural distortion and learn that it 60 something perCDent of the time, it is malignancy and the third most frequent way bc is found. Now I am worried. The next day, I felt remarkably calm and clear headed....if it us bc, probably early, easily treated, etc. Today, I am a mess...anxiety sitting g in my chest and cant eat

My mammogram report was just posted. I have Birads of 0. Said there was a possibility of a.d. in my right anterior central nipple area, otherwise mammogram is unremarkable.

I was in car accident August 2017. Had huge hematoma in that area on that breast due to seat belt. Could that cause it? Thought it might but then my 12/17 mammogram was fine. I am so afraid that they are going to tell me that I need a biopsy tomorrow. The biopsy doesnt scare me, the prolonged waiting does.

The other thing on my mammogram report that has me feeling sick is that it said my chance of getting breast cancer in next ten years is 22% (which I knew) but my lifetime risk is 67%. Holy #&$&#. I was never told that and my head is reeling. I guess it is time for Tamoxifin. Just so worried about side effects.

Trying to stay busy and focused today. It is hard to keep my thoughts rooted in the present and not that what ifs. I spent over a decade working in hospice, so unfortunately, I have more experience seeing when the dx is not treatable and I try not to let it cloud my thoughts now. It has helped to read on here about peoples journeys where the outcome has been different. So again, thank you all.

Ps....Please forgive any typos and my rambling. Just wanted to get it all out. Thank you