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coach18
coach18 Member Posts: 2
edited January 2019 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Please forgive me if this topic has been already covered. I did a search however didn’t find anything. Also sorry for the long post

I’ve been dating a guy for a little over a year. I’m totally in love with him and I was pretty sure he loved me. We were making plans for the future. He told when I was diagnosed that he would be there with me throughout everything. Our relationship was going great until this happened I’ve been having a real rough time lately with depression. The easiest way to explain it is that I have two emotions, angry (pissed off) or extreme sadness (tears will just start flowing down my face). To say the least I have not been the easiest person to be around. And to be honest he hasn’t either. According to him he has been overwhelmed by other things going on in his life not just worrying about me.

We had a really bad weekend this past weekend. I wanted to talk to him about how I was feeling about certain things in our relationship. I was confused about a couple of things. After I asked him the first question he completely shut down. So I just stopped the conversation seeing that apparently my feelings didn’t matter to him. We had planned to got a house party on New Years. I had a treatment that day and he picked we up. He told me on the ride to my house that he was exhausted and didn’t want to go out that night. The problem was that I didn’t remember the conversation. My memory is really bad for a few days after treatments. I thought he just blew me off. Yesterday I went to his house to ask him what happened the night before. He explained to me about what he said to me in the car. He had alsohurt his shoulder and was in pain. I tried to tell him that I didn’t remember our conversation.

He continued to talk about how bad he thought our weekend was. Saying it didn’t go as he planned. I’ll admit I was miserable all weekend but we both contributed to the failed weekend. I told him that we could harp on the weekend or we could move on from it. He didn’t want to let it go. I mentioned that every time he gets overwhelmed our relationship gets dropped to the bottom. I have helped and supported him throughout everything he was going through. Then he said something that absolutely crushed me. He told me that his work was more important to him than our relationship and he wanted a break.

My question is has anyone go through a breakup in the middle of treatments and how did you deal with it? I still can’t believe he did this to me. He won’t answer my texts or calls. This has deepened my depression. I know I need to focus on me right now so I can beat this horrible disease but I feel lost without him. All I want to do is cry. I actually give my mom my phone so I won’t be tempted to text or call him. Any advice would be beneficial.

Thank you

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  • Dancebyatree
    Dancebyatree Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2019

    hi im sorry your New Years was so stressful . my advice is to ask dr for name of good counselor and discuss these issues about your s.o.with them . I would focus on myself and trying change . reflect some of my bad habits in communication. that is how I handle my hubby. forgive and try forget and be thankful for what I have. I stay away for few hours or longer, usually in my bedroom watching tv, till my attitude changes. so far it always does. ive never gone thru breakup. and I don't want to. I have gone thru chemo. concentrate on yourself, your needs and you will get thru this. best wishes for calmer and happier 2019 ! Cathy

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  • KatyK
    KatyK Member Posts: 248
    edited January 2019

    Coach18- just reaching out to give you hugs and hopefully a little help. I’ve been married forever, we met very young and no break up here. But serious illness is hard on the best of relationships. We have a great counselor at the cancer center where I get treatment and DH and I have gone together and separately. It has been very helpful. Sounds like now you need to focus on you and your needs- pull out all your coping mechanisms and use them hard! Friends, counseling, distraction, exercise, little projects, reading, meditate, sing, you get the picture. I imagine you will be in for a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Keep reaching out here and to your friends and family. BTW I grew up in NH, Peterborough, but that was long ago! Hugs and take care

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  • Salamandra
    Salamandra Member Posts: 1,444
    edited January 2019

    coach18,

    I'm so sorry. It is so hard when someone you love disappoints you.

    I hope someone comes along who has had a similar experience to you and can really empathize. You definitely have all of my sympathy.

    I'm single, was when I started this journey, will be for who knows how long. But if it's helpful, I can tell you, you can handle this on your own, and many of us do.

    In a way, you dodged a bullet. It is better than someone who can't really be with you gets out of your way sooner rather than later.

    Cancer is a great occasion for mental health support all by itself, but with the break up on top, can you get yourself to a therapist for some regular check ins and support?

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