Did anyone dream about their recurrence?

couragement · December 2018

Happy holidays all!

I recently had a very explicit dream that told me I have cancer again right behind where my nipple would be. I no longer have nipples and I had bilateral breast cancer so the dream did not specify which breast, but the dream was quite specific otherwise. I had two very big dreams telling me I was Her2+ prior to getting the results back so I am concerned. Have any of you experienced this and if so, did you tell your physician and how did she or he respond? I have been feeling quite poorly and had a lymph node near my neck that became enlarged and thus have had 2 PET scans in the last 4 months. Both were negative and my doctors are satisfied. The last PET scan was about 6 weeks ago. I am concerned they won't take my concerns seriously due to these negative tests. But I have only had dreams about my cancer these 3 times.

KBeee · December 2018

Yes. Before my first cancer diagnosis, I had recurring dreams that I had breast cancer. (I had an explicit dream 10 years before this about the birth of my daughter being traumatic, and it occurred 24 hours later exactly in my dream.....so I should have known something was up with these dreams). I did not give them much thought until I found my lump. It felt different than any lump I'd had, and because of my dreams, I knew it was cancer. It was. I had a couple lumps afterwards that were scar tissue. Then I had had recurring dreams that I was on AC chemo. That should have been a red flag, but I thought my mind was playing tricks. Until I found the lump. It felt exactly like my first. I knew it was cancer again. Even when the doc said "I'm 99% sure this is scar tissue, and the only reason I am not saying 100% is because I never say that". I politely replied that I appreciated his reassurance, but that my gut said cancer and has never been wrong, so I need to know for sure so I can sleep. He said he respected that and scheduled a biopsy the next day. It was indeed cancer. Not only was it cancer, but my dream was that I was getting chemo; I took that to mean that I needed chemo. When Mayo refused to do Oncotype because they were sure it was "low risk again", I asked a local MO who was new to me, and he agreed. It came back very high. So.....I do not say this to freak you out. I say it because in my case, it was accurate. Either way, just keep checking for lumps and act immedietely if you find one.

couragement · December 2018

My dear KBee,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. Thank goodness for your strong intuition. I really want to hear these stories. I am so sorry that your daughter's birth was traumatic. Do you feel in any way that the dreams helped you cope in the long run? I know that is an odd question. When they were testing me for Her2 I had two dreams in one week with me opening envelopes that came back with the word "Positive" on one piece of paper and a plus sign on the next. Everyone said, "oh there is only a 20% chance" but I knew with these dreams. When my onc's assistant called to make an appointment for me to go in and see the MO to get the results I said "no worries, she can tell me over the phone, I know it is positive." So she told me over the phone, which saved me a long drive. It also prepared me in an odd way to be ready for the diagnosis. I had several other more spiritual dreams about having cancer in the weeks that followed but once I started treatment two years ago I never had another dream until just two nights ago. I am sure it has come back. I am at high risk in many ways... so it makes sense. I have suprapectoral implants so I can't feel any lumps unless they are in the skin only (but not the chest wall) so I will need an MRI. I just called my PS to schedule an appointment and asked him to order an MRI before I see him so he has the results in hand when I go in. I am sure he will do so since I have not had an MRI since the replacement surgery, and they have been thinking that the PETs should do the job in diagnosing. My guess is my cruddy health that has everyone scratching their heads right now is the cancer coming back but it wasn't ready to show itself on imaging. I am also betting that by the time the MRI is approved and I have an appointment (guessing post holiday) there may be something that shows. We shall see. I think it is fascinating. No fun and terribly disturbing, but still fascinating. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Sending you love and hope for a lovely holiday.

KBeee · December 2018

I had a clear chest CT a month before my recurrence. It was ordered by a GI doc due to post chemo GI issues. My recurrence was pretty small when found, so perhaps it was too small to be seen on CT. Hoping your MRI is all clear

couragement · December 2018

Interesting. Thanks for letting me know that. That is certainly the way imaging often goes. I hope you are feeling well and strong these days. I'll post back when I get the MRI or learn anything.

All my best to you and yours.

wallycat · December 2018

I also had dreams (three nights in a row, bolt out of my sleep) about boobs....not cancer specific, but I never dream about breasts...On the 4th morning, I told my DH I was going in for a mammogram. All clear, as it had been for nearly 9 years...ultrasound, pretty much clear. MRI finally and radiologist insisted it was not spiculated and odds of cancer were slim to none....here I am.

I hope KBee and I prove this as a fluke and that you are fine; my breast surgeon is still amazed.

Best to you.

couragement · December 2018

Dear Wallycat,

Thank you so much writing and telling us about your dreams. It is a real thing indeed. There are a few papers about it specifically to breast cancer. I hope your dreams have been calm and filled with ease and that you are doing well. Interesting that an MRI was finally done even with an ultrasound being basically clear. Well done staying on it!

All my best to you and yours this holiday!

KatyK · December 2018

I feel like I had foreshadowing about my first round of bc and was not too surprised when I found the lump. I knew right away it was bc. Sadly the surgeon doing the biopsy missed it and for a year I was told I did not have cancer even though my intuition said I did. But after treatment I rarely thought about recurrence - actually never. I did not worry about it all. When I had symptoms (shortness of breath during exercise) and they did the chest biopsy I still did not think recurrence, I thought lungcancer or radiation scarring. I was shocked to have a recurrence. An 18 months later still find it difficult to wrap my head around.

couragement · December 2018

Dearest KatyK,

Thank you so much for writing and sharing your experience. Uggh, I am so sorry that the doctors missed it on the first go. I had the same thing happen. With both breasts, and major complications from the stereotactic biopsy that missed it. I read somewhere that they miss it in about 20% of cases. All my doctors even admitted it was missed. But those were two years where I wasn't worrying a lot, which frankly was kind of nice, as I see how tiring the worrying is now. How are you doing these days?

I send you much love for the holiday season.

Did anyone dream about their recurrence?

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