Intimacy during chemo therapy

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited December 2018 in Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
Intimacy during chemo therapy
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  • coach18
    coach18 Member Posts: 2
    edited December 2018

    Hello

    This is my first time posting so if I’m in the wrong place I apologize.

    I was diagnosed with Stage 2a Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on September 26, 2018. The support I am receiving is absolutely amazing.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. My diagnosis hit him hard not as hard as me, because his mom past away from breast cancer. Since I’ve started receiving chemo he has stopped showing affection and being intimate with me. I’m not just saying having sex but all types of intimacy. When I ask him why he gives the same excuse every time: he has a lot on his mind, he said exhausted, work is getting busier.

    I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how you handled it

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  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited December 2018

    Coach 18: I have not had this experience, but hate that no one has responded to your very personal post. This must be so difficult for you on top of dealing with your recent diagnosis. I have read many posts and loved ones responding in ways that appear rejecting is not at all unusual. I told my sister that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and she disappeared for four months. But I want to address your situation. Your bf has had a very traumatic experience with breast cancer and may now be deeply afraid of losing you. Many men cannot deal with loss so instead avoid. This is not at all what you need and I do not want to make excuses for him. I just do not want you to think it is about you. Sometimes I just want to yell to people to figure it out and do want you need to do. Meaning your bf. I am a therapist so I do get both sides of everything. But sometimes our loved ones need to figure it out for us. So it is okay to feel let down and mad, but please do not feel deserving in any way of his reaction. Therapy would be terrific, but if that is a long shot as it often is for our partners, then seek the support you so deserve from others in your life. And stay here for support too. Hugs to you

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  • SierraPineapple
    SierraPineapple Member Posts: 47
    edited December 2018

    Mine situation was the opposite. I lost interest in intimacy because I was tired and just upset about my situation. My partner felt neglected from me not hold hands or kissing as much. We had a honest talk about it. I needed to let him know it wasn’t him or loss of attraction and do better about being there for him as best i could. Yeah, I had to push myself to remeber to be more affectionate, but it was worth it because it’s not just me who is going through this cancer thing. And he was more understanding of where I was coming from and it didn’t reflect my feelings for him. Maybe you guys should have a heart to heart. He could be acting like he thinks his mom would appreciate so in his mind he is being a good partner. You aren’t his mom though! I know it’s silly to have to say that, but maybe he needs to hear it and hear how you want to be treated. Or if there are other issues you guys can get them out in the open and start working on them. Hope this helps.
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