My daughter made me cry this morning

Sidalee
Sidalee Member Posts: 126
edited December 2018 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

My oldest daughter is 11 and in 6th grade. We've been very open and honest about what has been happening to me this year and most of the time she seems like she is okay. Earlier this week she gave me an art project she had made with pink ribbons and she had written "In honor of my proud, strong, awesome mom". This morning I texted her asking what she might like for Christmas and she told me she wanted cancer to be gone forever

I am so grateful for her sweet heart and her love, but I just hate this situation so much. No 11-year-old should have to carry a burden like this--it is just too heavy. I really, really wish I could tell her that it's over and she doesn't have to worry about me anymore, but I can't even do that. I know this is life and hopefully she will learn something valuable from the process, but I really wish she could just be blissfully unaware like her little sister.

I'm going to email her guidance counselor today and see if she can get her to talk about it. Anyone else have older kids that need help coping?

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited December 2018

    It is heartbreaking, I know how you feel. My daughter was also 11 at the time of my diagnosis, last year. After I found the cancer, I went head on with my kids, told them what is the situation, told them to toughen up, and that whatever happened to me to never used it as an excuse no to do well in life. It worked like a charm in my case, they were laser focused on academics and did extremely well in school.

    I know they do worry, but being told this, I believe it set the basis for a certain mindset like "life has good and bad, when bad happens be resilient and find ways to move on" . This mindset I believe somehow helped them to find inner resources to develop ways to cope with the situation.

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  • KCMC
    KCMC Member Posts: 208
    edited December 2018

    Hi - I was diagnosed when my two sons were 11 and 13. My youngest was finishing up 5th grade and my oldest 7th grade. When I was diagnosed with cancer I contacted a child psychologist and asked her how I should tell my boys and I made appointments for them both. I also contacted their teachers, school psychologist and guidance counselor.

    The psychologist I took them to released my older son after 4 visits my younger son went every other week for 6 months. My younger son took it hard, when he started 6th grade he called me every day on his cell phone from recess for the first three months of school. The school caught him on the phone and they then allowed him to call me every day. His grades were miserable 50’s to 70’s. We all worked together, me, his psychologist and the school. I am happy to report that when I finished up treatment this past August he is a different boy. His grades are now high 80’s and high 90’s honor roll and all. It is a shock for them too and it’s does take a while to process. Continue listening to her and be kind and patient. This too shall pass. Gentle hugs (( ))

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  • Sidalee
    Sidalee Member Posts: 126
    edited December 2018

    Thank you both for your responses, it helps a lot to hear that things got better for your kids. Middle school is such a tough transitional time anyway, it just sucks.

    My daughter's guidance counselor ended up calling me today to discuss my daughter's accommodations before I had a chance to email her. She said that my daughter has mentioned my diagnosis sort of off-hand in conversation so she will try to open up the conversation with her and see if she wants to talk. I am going to contact my social worker as well.

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