Mom just diagnosed and met with surgeon

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Juleseyes
Juleseyes Member Posts: 20
edited December 2018 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

So the past few days have felt like a bad dream. I've browsed google (I know) but this forum seems the best place for me to be. My moms not as internet savvy and as selfish as it sounds I feel like this is impacting me hard as well. Not only that but I'm her eyes and ears. I was armed and ready in the surgeons office, every stage memorized and just praying and praying not to hear the word "metastized". Well I didn't. She has the invasive in the left breast as well as one lymph node. Since he thinks it's only in that one lymph node, and he can barely feel that one, I guess he feels confident that it hasn't spread elsewhere? Is that true? Like shouldn't he do some scans, etc? God an hour ago I was so relieved to know this was curable but now I'm second guessing.

I'm a whole whack of emotions right now. I was angry at first that she didn't get a mammo for 5 years (she's scared of the radiation on her thyroid apparently? She's kind of a hippie but doc says radiation is 3-d now and won't touch her thyroid during treatment) and I was also angry at her doctor for not pushing it. Then I was just straight up terrified during that awful waiting period. Now I'm just sad. I know what has to happen and it seems so unfair that any human should be subjected to what's coming next even though it's meant to save their lives. I'm so scared to see someone I love in pain. I guess I'm angry that this disease still exists. My mom will have to have one breast removed, and the lymph node itself. Then chemo, rad, and hormone pills. It is grade 2 speed out of 3 and also hormone receptive so he says these are all positive things. Idk, should I still be terrified that I will lose her? I don't know what to feel. She's upset that she needs all 3. She seems to resist western medicine and that's why she didn't get her mammos. I don't want her to fight just for my sake so I'm praying she actually does want to live. She says she does. She's only 55! I just want my mom to see me get married and have a child of my own :( which I guess brings me to my last concern.

He said this wasn't genetic. How does he know!!? I felt bad pulling the attention off of her for even a second, to ask, but since I'm only 27 and she's the only case (besides my paternal grandmother but he brushed that off super quickly) he said not to worry, mammos starting age 40, and monthly self check for now. Like should I be doing genetic tests? Should I push for mammos now? I've read about a lot of women in their 20s and 30s. I live in Canada so any test I wanted I'm sure I can have....that being said we feel very blessed here. We don't have to pay a cent and it's all happening very quickly. Surgery in 10 days. I know she's scared and who wouldn't be.

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  • Runrcrb
    Runrcrb Member Posts: 577
    edited December 2018

    julesyes, i was 55 at diagnosis and worried about my daughter too. Dr is right-hormone positive,her2- is the “good” one if you have to have breast cancer. Hopefully her dr will do a sentinel node biopsy when he does the mastectomy- that is a good way to determine how much lymph node involvement there is. Scans aren’t as helpful in that case. For me scans were used prior to surgery to determine if there were other areas to biopsy. There were in the right breast, left was clear. Genetic testing was not warranted in my case (over 50, no family history). Ultimately i had it done and none of the known markers were found. I think her dr is telling you that you don’t have a heightened risk and try not to stress about it too much.

    Don’t be angry with your mother. I had annual mammograms for 20 years, with one about 8 months prior to diagnosis. Nothing was ever seen. I found a lump largely by accident and had to find it for both my doctor and the sonogram tech. What I am saying is that a mammogram may not have found it sooner.


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  • Careninnj
    Careninnj Member Posts: 53
    edited December 2018

    her type of cancer sounds extremely promising. But what concerned me the most is the doctor saying its not genetic. He can NOT know that unless your mom and yourself are tested genetically. My mom had breast cancer at 42. The ONLY person on either side of my family to ever have breast cancer or any cancer for that matter. This june i was diagnosed with breast cancer as well. I am 43. They tested me and sure enough im brca2+. My twin sister got tested as well as shes brca2+. Dont allow a doctor to guess. I would set up genic testing asap, because IF your positive there are steps you can take to help lower your chances of ever getting cancer and thats a blessing. As for your mom, she will be ok. Trust me. One lymph node is not alot. And being hormone receptor positive is good. Plus there are tests now to determine if chemo would be beneficial. She may qualify for that as well. Prayers to all!!

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  • Rah2464
    Rah2464 Member Posts: 1,647
    edited December 2018

    Juleseyes I echo the previous poster's comments. Even though there is potential lymph node involvement, you still appear to be quite early in the process and very treatable. Remember, that lymph node is doing its job working to contain the movement of the cancer. I do hope you will pursue some genetic testing, if nothing else, just to make sure you are monitoring yourself for any elevated risk. And we get caught with this disease even when we have always had our annual mammograms (I did) so try not to focus on that too much. Your mother is so very lucky to have you there to support her on this journey. My very best to you both.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited December 2018

    Juleseyes, welcome to this wonderful Community, although we are sorry that your mom's cancer brought you here.

    If it helps, the main Breastcancer.org site has extensive information on Genetic Testing, like who in the family should get tested, Learning About Your Family Background, what to do if results are positive and what if they are negative, etc.

    We hope this helps. Please come back to let us know how everything is going.

    Best wishes,

    From the Mods

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  • Juleseyes
    Juleseyes Member Posts: 20
    edited December 2018

    thank you for your reply. It makes things a little more clear for me. Both of your kind words and adviceI will take to heart.

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