Found Two Lumps

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cruzer57
cruzer57 Member Posts: 5
edited November 2018 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

So I found two lumps in my left breast, about 2.5 inches below where the breast meets the chest plate. My mother died of stage 4 breast cancer, so as you can imagine, I'm terrified. I only found it because I was scratching an itch on that side of my breast. My breasts have been itchy at certain times. Mostly because I get heat rashes under my breast every spring/summer, but also because my skin is notoriously dry. After learning about IBC, I'm even more nervous. I feel like my breast always have some sort of rash these days.

This isn't my first scare like this. I went to a doctor about four years ago because I kept having a sharp pain in my right breast. They did a mammogram and told me that everything was fine. The nurse told me I was too young to have breast cancer, that I have dense breast tissue, that a breast cancer lump would feel hard like a knuckle, and showed me how to do a self exam. I'll be honest, since I got the news that everything was fine that day, I haven't really kept up with doing breast exams. I'm mostly concerned because one lump does feel pretty hard like a knuckle. I also haven't had much of an appetite over the summer for some reason. It's picked back up, but I feel like I never feel incredibly hungry like I used to years before.

I just started a new job, but unfortunately the insurance doesn't kick in until March, so I don't even know if I can afford to visit a doctor or get treatment if I were to need it. Then my other concern is if I go to a doctor now, and I am diagnosed as needing treatment, does it count as pre-existing condition when my insurance kicks in.

It's hard to be around my family on a day like today. I don't want to say anything because the holidays are rough for us since my mom passed and I don't want to add to horrible memories. Trying to enjoy the day with them knowing what could be ahead and wondering if I'll be able to spend another Thanksgiving with them, is tough. I'm just trying act normally as best as I can. I hope everyone here is able to enjoy today in some way.


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  • Sjacobs146
    Sjacobs146 Member Posts: 770
    edited November 2018

    Cruze, take a deep breath. You've put yourself in the ground before you even know what that lump is. The vast majority of lumps are benign. Even if it is cancer, BC is very treatable with a 98% 5 year survival rate. Even in the most unlikely case of being Stage 4 at diagnosis, you will absolutely be around next year. Do you live in the US? If so, thanks to Pres. Obama, pre-existing conditions must be covered by insurance, so you should not worry about getting this lump checked out. Please enjoy this day with your family and get this lump checked out soon to ease your mind. There are lots of programs to get free mammograms. Do you have a Planned Parenthood near you? They will be able to help. If not, there are other services.

    Sending hugs to you, and even though it's hard, try not to worry too much. As they say, don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow

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  • cruzer57
    cruzer57 Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2018

    Thank you for responding. I managed to get through the day. I'll definitely try to make sure I get seen sooner rather than later. Th anxiety of not knowing is annoying.

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  • Rach121984
    Rach121984 Member Posts: 3
    edited November 2018

    Hi Cruzer

    I also just found two lumps. I’m in the UK so went to the GP and they’ve referred me for an ultrasound. She said it was unlikely to be BC at my age etc etc but I can’t help but worry. Since then, I have been checking my breasts 3/4 times a day (I know it’s the stupidest thing to do) and found a couple more lumps!! I’m having my ultrasound 5th December.

    It’s so hard to just get on with everything not knowing what it is.

    Rachel xx

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2018

    Dear Rach121984,

    We are sorry that these breast changes and the worry about them have brought you here. Waiting for answers to questions such as yours is one of the hardest things to do. Probably others who have been through this would say to try to distract yourself from the worry. You made the appointment and are doing the right thing by getting the lumps checked out. Perhaps the constant checking tempting while it might be is causing more worry for you. Let us know how things go. Keep us posted. We will be thinking of you. The Mods

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  • cruzer57
    cruzer57 Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2018

    Can anybody tell me how they deal with the anxiety? Everyday I find something worrying and when I research it, hoping for a sign that it means I'm not dealing with what I might be dealing with, my hopes are dashed. I've seen first hand what cancer can do to someone, and it's absolutely devastating. I'd rather not deal with it, but I know that's out of my control. I keep going over everything in my mind. I use a flashlight to shine a light through my breasts every night. Trying to see if I can see anything that might mean something either way. My appetite is completely gone. Working helps temporarily, but my mind still drifts to the what ifs. What if it is cancer, what if it's already spread everywhere, what if i cant be treated because i dont have the money, what if it's not cancer and i've racked up whole bunch of debt, etc.

    I'm always anxious about my health and what abnormal symptoms could mean. I've gone to the doctors thinking the worse and doctors aren't able to find anything or they tell me it's something minor. It's always a relief, but I'm always in a mountain of debt. This time I feel like this could really be a bad outcome and I'm terrified. I will be covered by my job in January, but I don't know if I can wait. When it comes to cancer, I know time is of the essence. I think I'm still trying to work up the nerve to even make a call. I know it's silly to be worried about money, but because I've been wrong so many times before, it's like I don't want to take the chance of being wrong again and being back at square one with everything I've worked so hard to build these past few years. I know I'm an idiot.

    I'm still trying to figure out what to do. I'm not able to see my doctor until January, I just don't know if I can wait that long. I also just don't want to burden my family with bad news again this time of year. I hate being indecisive. It's my worst trait and I hate it so much.

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  • djmammo
    djmammo Member Posts: 2,939
    edited November 2018

    cruzer57

    Here is a very good post on the subject of anxiety by a member of this group with some expertise.

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  • Salamandra
    Salamandra Member Posts: 1,444
    edited November 2018

    That is a great post djmammo than you for linking.

    I'll second that for me, pharmaceutical intervention plus bicycling for transportation made/makes a huge difference.

    Since it sounds like there's an element of this anxiety that's chronic for you, I strongly recommend having mental health team - therapist+psychiatrist - that you trust and like and have confidence in

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  • cruzer57
    cruzer57 Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2018

    Thanks for the responses. I did go on a brief walk today and came home feeling much better. Unfortunately, when it's time for bed, everything creeps back into my mind. I've sufficiently exhausted myself in the last fews days, so I know I sleep well despite this anxiety.

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