Who do I tell?

I felt the same way, it was summer, lot of fun activities were coming up, so I didn't tell anyone til I was about to lose my hair from chemo. Then I only told my closest friends and family. I can tell you, my best friends were sad that I didn't tell them sooner, because they wanted to be there for comfort and support! It was kind of lonely, to be going through it alone. Except, for my great husband who was at every appointment, whether I wanted him too be or not! The way I told most people, like it's no big deal, I lied about my stage til my treatments were over, esp to my Mom, she had just lost 2 of her children, I didn't want her obsessing that I'd be next! Your closest friends and family will want to be able to support you, and if you frame it right, won't ruin the holidays. Made me closer to everyone! You'll know what's best for you, but I wish I had told my very best friend, right away, someone to talk to about my fears, other than my poor hubby!😚💖

I told my parents and gave them permission to tell whatever family they thought appropriate so I didn't have to deal with it. And then I let the news spread at work and church just so that people wouldn't wonder why I was walking around looking so unhappy. It was easier for me to have people know. My coworkers really needed to know---that was the biggest thing, but I work in a small clinic and we all know each other pretty well. It would have been hard to hide it. And I didn't really want to anyway. However, I did not do a general announcement, like on Facebook or anything, since I don't like to draw attention to myself. There are many people I know that don't live near me, that have no idea I was diagnosed. And I'm ok with that.

Honestly, tell whoever you want to tell. There's no right or wrong choice there.

I told my immediate family at first but explained to them that I wanted to control who knew in the early stages. They respected that and I did let my coworkers and friends know when I had more of a plan. I honestly struggled with telling my family because I felt guilty for having to worry them. It was a relief when I did start telling coworkers and friends, and they are still such amazing supporters. I am still in awe of the love they are showing me. People will want to help and it will be nice to have that during this scary time. I wish you the best with your surgery

I recommend staying off FB and asking anyone you tell to respect that and keep it off.

I wrote up an email in order to control the messaging. Sent one to my family ( parents and siblings) with follow up phone call to parents after i told my children. Husband knew first of course. Shared w group of friends the say way. Kept the work circle small for a good while- two years later people don't know and that is OK.

Keep the list short. You will not ruin anyone's holiday. Tell people what you want from them- company, meals, company at appointments, or nothing. I found that people responded in many ways and many appreciated being able to do something specific.

Good

I only told my immediate family and best friend. I had a lumpectomy with radiation, and did not want alot of nosey people asking questions. Still only a few people know, and I am keeping it that way. When October rolls around, I do not want attention drawn to myself and do not discuss on social media.

I echo Michelle's post. I found reactions from people I thought I knew and could be trusted to be told were instead a mixed bag--, and they often pitied me (not with words, but with facial expressions), retreated, or pulled me from a positive place to a negative one with just an overly sympathetic "how are you"?

I wore a short wig and unless I told them, no one knew. My close family knew, a few friends, and my boss and colleagues. I avoided telling my students, and they didn't know anything till I stopped wearing the wig, finished tx, and my hair began to grow in. It helped me avoid unnecessary stress and helped me with day to day normalcy.

Claire in AZ

I did post on Facebook and for me it was a very good move. I didn't have to deal with telling most people individually. I got a lot of support and encouragement from my communities. And maybe most importantly, people I'd never known had themselves had breast cancer shared that with me and were really helpful in terms of information and just hope, of knowing people who went through this ahead of me. I also got a secondhand strong endorsement of my breast surgeon, which helped with peace of mind.

I completely support everyone doing works for them. I just want to say, there's nothing wrong with putting it out there on Facebook or social media. It's your friends/feed, you have an idea of how they'd respond and whether it would be fortifying or stressful for you.

For me, lucky to have wonderful extended community on Facebook, without a spouse or moms or local extended family, sharing was really helpful.

Jessie123, that is so sweet. One of my FB friends is a woman I used to work with. We always got along well, but weren't particularly close. She reached out to me and we have become much better friends now - and she has long-term stage 4 ovarian cancer. I think she must have known how much I needed someone even though I acted like I was cool with everything. The cancer veterans become mentors.