6 years later, finally gonna have mammogram..

Sooooo, almost 6 years ago I was here because I found what I believed to be a lump on my left breast (I re-read my old posts from back then and seen I had said it was my right. I was feeling it with my right hand so my brain told me right breast, lol!). Anywho, I was convinced, I mean already-had-my-treatment-plan-how-I-was-going-to-tell-my-family-write-my-children-and-husband-goodbye-letters-just-in-case- kind of convinced it was cancer. After fretting and worrying and preparing for a couple months I went to see a BS just knowing he was going to want to do a biopsy on the spot after he felt my "lump". My appointment lasted a little over 5 minutes, he did a quick feel of my breast and said, there's nothing there. I have never in my life felt more foolish. In fact as I'm writing this I can feel my face turning red with embarrassment. He was so quick and dismissive that I wanted to fall into a hole. Luckily I had only shared my fears with my husband and didn't have to tell my whole family what a hypochondriac I had turned out to be. I was 34 at the time so he told me in a couple years I should get a baseline mammo done and have a nice day. He didn't even feel like I needed a mammo at that time so one was never ordered/done. He is the expert and came highly recommended so I felt if he doesn't feel anything then there is absolutely no way there is anything there. I went home feeling like a fool and never checked the spot again. I avoided that area like it was an open boil because the thought of feeling around looking for a lump filled me with shame and embarrassment.

Fast forward 6 years. About a month ago I started having a sensation in my left breast. Not really a pain or discomfort, just an awareness that I had a boob there. I seen someone on here describe their feeling like a breast full of milk right before let down and I thought YES! That's exactly it. I was thrilled to finally have something to compare it to and why it was a familiar sensation. I have been having this feeling daily but not constantly for a month or so now. I finally worked up the courage to mention it to my GP while I was there for an unrelated appointment. She scheduled me for a well woman exam and said following that she would schedule me for a screening mammo. After talking with her I decided the time had come to see if that lump that's not a lump is still there and yep, it is. And it's bigger. Not hugely larger but a definite increase in size. I honestly have not touched it in the last 6 years so I don't know if it just started growing or if its been super slowly growing this whole time. I still don't have enough confidence that what I am feeling is actually a lump and not just normal breast tissue disguised as a lump to point it out to my doctor. I will say that when I am soapy and I run my hand over the area it feels like a speed bump. I would think if it was the big bad C it would be huge after 6 years and not just somewhat larger. Anyway, that's my story. Appointment Monday with mammogram to follow soon after.

I should add that obviously I was thrilled and elated that the BS didn’t feel there was anything to worry about. Under the embarrassment I felt light and free. My concern is 6 years later it, whatever it is, is still there and bigger. What if it is something and I’ve ignored it for 6 years