Aromatase Inhibitor and just walking away.

I probably posted before but I did 4 years AI and quit. Doing fine.

Hello.  I'm new to this site and to having BC. I was diagnosed at 63 yr-.old. I found the lump one month after my mothers death. (they had found that the sores in her mouth were cancer but only 6weeks before her death. God in his mercy took her to heaven by pneumonia, she was 87 a wheel-chair bound nursing home resident. She never knew she had cancer, a yr before that my 56 yr-.old bro-in-law died un expectantly of full body cancer which was not diagnosed until 2 mos. before his death.  Two years before that my sis-in-law died after aggressively battling cancer for  7 yrs.  This poor women gave everything she had  in the fight.  Her coffin had to be closed since her body did not resemble the beautiful woman that we had known.   Forty years ago I have severe panic attacks, became agoraphobic, severe clinical depression followed for years. Couple trips to mental floor, ECT treatments, my hus. of thirty years could take no more of my sickness' and left the state for the arms of a healthy woman. I've had about every different type of anti-depressant there is.  For the past 20 yrs I've spent a solitary life mostly homebound.  I'm giving you my back ground so that you might understand my mind set when I re'd first DX in Aug. 2017

I found my lump accidently. I awoke one morning with my right hand on my r. breast, and there it was. I cried out to Jesus telling him I could take no more.  I could not be in this fight also, I told him I would just rather go home to him in heaven. My quality of life was already 0 and cancer treatments would send me into another pit of despair that I might not be able to climb out of, as I had done so many times.  My tumor was 4.9cm in r. breast, left breast clear. One lymph node. Of course they wanted immediate surgery.  I refused.  Told my ONC that I needed time, that the stress would sink me.  She agreed and said that there was a pill that would buy me time to get my head on straight. anastrozole an AL.  I was so relieved to be given 6mos time to think..  I also, quit meats, dairy and grains and absolutely no sugar, I detoxed my body. (lots of supplements and herbals), I s l o w l y weaned my self from Zoloft. (managed to cut it to half)  I exercised and I prayed. For six months my moods slowly became closer to normal than I'd known for years, my HP went away, my thyroid became normal, and I began to enjoy life for the first time in near 40 years. I was, dare I say, "happy" I felt in control of my life, this was a new feeling.   

Six month sonogram. Minute growth in primary tumor. (I refused mamo) My ONC thought it would be ok to stay on AL for another 6 mos.  Ct at 12mos post DX was not good.  Mets to lungs, more lymphs involved and primary was growing. In addition, primary got sneaky it grew toward chest wall and up and Out of my breast my my nipple.  In three months it's grown like a house afire.    I was content and ready to let cancer be my ticket to heaven. Since I could not stand a lesser QofL than I had.  BUT, my son intervened. My love for him caused me to rethink treatment.  The only avenue available to me now is target therapy with IBRANCE/falamax.       The reason that I've posted is that I totally get walking away from treatment. We know who we are and what we can handle.  As a born-again Christian I acknowledge the purpose of our journey on earth is not about personal happiness.  God is building my character and I'm so grateful for it.   

I think/feel that we should all be allowed to walk our own path, following our Lord, with out discrimination. 

Love to all. 

Jo,

  So very sorry that your cancer came back.  Don't beat yourself up from quitting AL's. You do not know/can't know if the result would've been different had you continued.  If you've read my story you'll see that my cancer progressed while on a Al inhibitor. So much about cancer we do not know..  Just jump right back in the fight like you've done. Is the targeted therapy working for you?  Sue