34 and petrified

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Fritzmylove
Fritzmylove Member Posts: 330
edited October 2018 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

I just got the call this morning. Positive for IDC grade II in right breast and also found inone lymph node. The lymph node part terrifies me. My brain is telling me that this is it. That it’ll be stage IV and I’ll need to start writing goodbye letters to my 3 and 6 year old. Today is my son’s birthday. I know I need to be strong for him. I don’t want to get out of bed.

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  • DATNY
    DATNY Member Posts: 358
    edited September 2018

    Do you have any symptoms that worry you? Unrelenting pain, here it there, dizziness, nausea, anything at all? If not, chances that you are stage 4 are negligible. Best wishes!

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  • Fritzmylove
    Fritzmylove Member Posts: 330
    edited September 2018

    I would say no, but since this process started I feel like I’m having phantom symptoms. Nothing I had noticed before going in for testing.

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  • buttonsmachine
    buttonsmachine Member Posts: 930
    edited September 2018

    ((Hugs)) I'm your age, although I was diagnosed two years ago at 32. When I was first diagnosed I cried off and on for days. Be gentle and patient with yourself at this phase. It will get easier as you adjust and form a treatment plan.

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  • Fritzmylove
    Fritzmylove Member Posts: 330
    edited September 2018

    thank you for your kind words. Hoping to get through this process without losing my mind.

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  • JaBoo
    JaBoo Member Posts: 520
    edited September 2018

    Fritzmylove, I promise you, it will get easier. Now, cry all you need in your bed ... and tomorrow too... Hug your little ones and get the strength you need from the love they give so naturally. And you will see, after the various appointments with your doctors, a treatment plan will be in place... and you will feel much better.

    My heart goes to you, hugs...although I´m a bit older... I have kids almost the same ages as yours are. You will get all the support you need from just looking at those little faces.

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  • Knitpig
    Knitpig Member Posts: 42
    edited September 2018

    I know it feels like everything is falling apart right now. I'm so, so, sorry you are getting this news. I also cried for days. The time between diagnosis and all of the testing/scheduling will feel like an eternity. I remember being so busy with my 2.5 year old that I couldn't lay in bed and cry all day and it helped keep me going. Let your children distract you from it.

    You will get through this. It's terrible, I know, but we get through somehow.

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  • VL22
    VL22 Member Posts: 851
    edited September 2018

    Fritz - your emotions are totally normal and completely understandable. One day you're just living life and the next having to face your own mortality. I cried for days, couldn't eat or sleep, couldn't look at my kids without wanting to scream. As the others have said, it really does get better. Don't be afraid to ask for anti anxiety meds if needed.

    It's unfortunate there are so many of us, but the support here really does get you through. The respect and strength here is amazing. You'll find your footing.

    Hugs.

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  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited September 2018

    Sorry you have joined us but welcome. Can't say don't worry, its the nature of this beast,,can't help but to worry. Cry, laugh, scream, whatever works. You will get out of bed..you know you will be there for those kids. I cried off and on for days. It is true that once you get all your info and a plan in place, you gain some control back and can move past this. Hang in there.

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  • nowheregirl
    nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
    edited September 2018

    When I was told that I had IDC and 2 of my lymph nodes were positive at the age of 39, I felt exactly the same way, "This is it".


    Now it's 13 years ago. I'm alive and enjoying. Even been on overseas holidays 3 times since I finished my last treatment. The lymph node involvement is NOT a death sentence. Believe me, you are in the worst part of this ordeal at the moment. Once you get all the results and your treatment plan, it will get easier and you will be where I am before you know.

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  • gb2115
    gb2115 Member Posts: 1,894
    edited September 2018

    I had a positive lymph node at age 38 and felt the same way as you, but they ended up doing a bone scan and CT scan and everything was negative for metastatic spread.

    It's normal to feel like you're losing your mind. You will get through this!!

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  • Fritzmylove
    Fritzmylove Member Posts: 330
    edited September 2018

    thank you for the kind responses. I know I’ll have to go through a PET scan and I’m so scared to get those result

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  • Sadlynew2018
    Sadlynew2018 Member Posts: 222
    edited September 2018

    fritz, breathe. It’s a terrible call to receive but I’m so glad you found this forum. You are in the worst part of things but it gets better. It’s normal to believe stage 4. 43 days ago, I got the same call. IDC, stage 2 and knew it was over. We have 3 young kids and I wanted to write letters. They are going to test you, poke you and prod you until the drs know the entire picture. The time spent doing that is tough. Sleep ness nights. There were days I forgot to eat. But once a plan is in place, it does get better. There’s so much out there to help with this terrible disease.

    Take deep breaths. When you need to vent or have questions, I recommend this forum. It’s done amazing things for me. I’m not sure where I’d be without it.

    We are all here for you.
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  • Salamandra
    Salamandra Member Posts: 1,444
    edited October 2018

    I am waiting on my lymph node biopsy now and scared and reading probably too much about it on the internet. But from what I can tell, it's possible to have lymph node involvement and still be stage 1. It's definitely better to have no lymph node involvement than some, but in a way, it's your lymph nodes job to sort of catch it and keep it contained for as long as they can, and just being in the lymph node does *not* mean it's metastasized. It's still terrifying until you have more tests. And it's so hard with this route because we just got all these bad luck coin flips, to actually believe something won't come out as the worst case scenario.

    Hoping for the best for you! Keep us updated.

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