A Poem ( First Time Poet) - About Survivorship -

So I am one of those stalkers that reads posts but rarely posts my own. Your posts have helped me so much over the last several years, as I was diagnosed, treated and through my last few years of survivorship. People always ask if it gets better or easier....not sure I can really say yes to either of those - although there are more days recently that I am too busy to think about it.

Today, I feel sad, sad and worried and scared and this was what was in my head and in my heart. I do not feel that I have anyone to share this with. My close family and friends don't talk about my cancer anymore....they want it to be in the past. So do I but it never really goes away. When I try to talk to my husband, he tells me that I am OK and changes the subject - he is scared too. He tries to keep me away from anyone or anything that will remind me. But I don't want to stay away - I need those connections. My closest connection - friend who also had cancer passed away last year - I miss her and feel lonely - even though we did not talk that often. So I thought of you - my online family. I knew you would read it and understand and that makes me feel better.

So thank you - I am grateful for all of you.

I am Broken

I am Broken

No one knows

you can't see it

even those close to me

but I am broken.

I am broken

I look whole

I look well

Why not? I am a survivor right- all is well but...

I am broken

I am broken

Deep inside

It is not the same

I can't go back, there is no going back

I am different

I am broken

Sometimes that is good

I am stronger

I am clearer - no toxic people in my life

I am grateful and so blessed

I am a better person

I am broken

I am scared

Scared of cancer

but almost nothing else.

Scared of every ache and pain

Is it normal? Or is it back?

Will I know?

I am broken

No one knows me

All these feelings deep inside

No one to tell them to

No one understands

No one listens

They are scared

Scared to hear it,

scared to think it

scared to believe it

I am broken

One day at a time

Deep breaths

Positive thinking

Taking care of everyone else

But I can't forget to take care of me because...

I am broken.