A Poem ( First Time Poet) - About Survivorship -
So I am one of those stalkers that reads posts but rarely posts my own. Your posts have helped me so much over the last several years, as I was diagnosed, treated and through my last few years of survivorship. People always ask if it gets better or easier....not sure I can really say yes to either of those - although there are more days recently that I am too busy to think about it.
Today, I feel sad, sad and worried and scared and this was what was in my head and in my heart. I do not feel that I have anyone to share this with. My close family and friends don't talk about my cancer anymore....they want it to be in the past. So do I but it never really goes away. When I try to talk to my husband, he tells me that I am OK and changes the subject - he is scared too. He tries to keep me away from anyone or anything that will remind me. But I don't want to stay away - I need those connections. My closest connection - friend who also had cancer passed away last year - I miss her and feel lonely - even though we did not talk that often. So I thought of you - my online family. I knew you would read it and understand and that makes me feel better.
So thank you - I am grateful for all of you.
I am Broken
I am Broken
No one knows
you can't see it
even those close to me
but I am broken.
I am broken
I look whole
I look well
Why not? I am a survivor right- all is well but...
I am broken
I am broken
Deep inside
It is not the same
I can't go back, there is no going back
I am different
I am broken
Sometimes that is good
I am stronger
I am clearer - no toxic people in my life
I am grateful and so blessed
I am a better person
I am broken
I am scared
Scared of cancer
but almost nothing else.
Scared of every ache and pain
Is it normal? Or is it back?
Will I know?
I am broken
No one knows me
All these feelings deep inside
No one to tell them to
No one understands
No one listens
They are scared
Scared to hear it,
scared to think it
scared to believe it
I am broken
One day at a time
Deep breaths
Positive thinking
Taking care of everyone else
But I can't forget to take care of me because...
I am broken.
Comments
-
You are saying what needs to be said -- that we are forever changed. And you are saying it beautifully.
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