Drain output, gross description something's wrong I think.

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  • hapa
    hapa Member Posts: 920
    edited October 2018

    Jo - Let's just wait for the pathology report to come back, see what the MO says about chemo, and cross that bridge if/when we come to it. Things may look different to you then. Or they may not. I hope this weekend is finding you well.

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Egads007 

    Thanks. Apparently the bed bugs aren't a paranoid neighbors imagination. So it's a thing. I just can't deal with it right now so I'm pretending it's not happening. It's not like I am physically able to do the deep cleaning needed to check so far the spot checks I can do  have come up empty. I know chemo is physically doable but right now I am mentally and emotionally incapable of dealing with it. My strength has run out. I'm at the edge of completely done.

    I just can't take anymore.


    Hapa

    Thanks.The way my luck has been lately it's pretty much likely to be bad news.

    At this point it isn't just the drains, it's this  &$&$ life it keeps getting worse and I don't have the strength anymore to deal with it. So if the cancer wants to kill me let it kill me.i just want the entire nightmare called my life to end. Everybody kept saying it will get better and five years later I'm still waiting for it to come true. It's all a lie. Sometimes it doesn't get better.

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  • Egads007
    Egads007 Member Posts: 1,603
    edited October 2018

    Good morning Jade....ugggggg bed bugs. I once had that scare too, but thankfully didn’t get them. The cases of infestation is truly epidemic these days. Check with your landlord/tenants laws (call them directly). Under your circumstances I think they may be responsible for getting you inspection/treatment/replacement aid.

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down and wish I had words of comfort. Are you in contact with a therapist? If not, maybe your PCP might be a starting point? You need help (as we all do) sorting out the overwhelming issues this awful disease brings. Supportive hugs!

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  • ceanna
    ceanna Member Posts: 5,270
    edited October 2018

    JJo, hope each day brings you closer to removing the drains and that you've had no appearance of bed bugs in your place. Yes, your landlord should be helping everyone to get rid of them. Please let us know how you're doing. ((((Gentle hugs))))

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  • KCMC
    KCMC Member Posts: 208
    edited October 2018

    Hey Jaded, just popping in. I won’t pretend to know how you feel, but I have dealt with depression for the last almost 30 years of my life. The only thing that got me through this was lots of antidepressants - told my hubby just today that I take enough to make my whole town happy. I did see a social worker too.

    We really all do care about what happens to you and we want to see you get better. Take one day at a time. ((Hugs)). Ignore the best bugs for now - unfortunately you will know if you have them.

    Keep posting and we will all be here for you

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    DRAINS ARE OUT WOOHOO.if it wouldn't hurt I would dance a jig.

    Egads007 

    Thank you.I'm keeping a close eye out but I can't do the usual deep cleaning of items and stuff because I can't even do my regular laundry and stuff I'm still on a 5 pound weight limit. Thankfully I had enough clothes and towels to get me to this week.i see my counsler this Thursday. Took my last antibiotic today too. And I just took a regular Advil but it's for swelling not pain (lefty is still beating out righty) I still have issues doing regular housework though. If I over do it i am aching for the rest of the day chest wise. Clinic nurse says I'm healing amazingly well. And everybody I meet keeps saying ever since day 2 after surgery that I don't look like someone who even had surgery. My arm mobility is surprisingly good.and thanks to the drains being out I put on a pull over t shirt for the first time in almost two weeks. As for bed bugs I been checking what I can and don't see anything.  It my experience recently has pretty much pushed me to if they say chemo I'm saying no.

    ceanna

    Thank you.drains came out just over two hours ago and already there's a huge difference. In movement,in how I physically feel,etc. I still have to wear abdominal pads between my body and bra to protect the frankenboobs from rubbing the bra and possibly opening wounds on the bottom but that's an improvement over tubing and bulbs.due to the drain wounds  I have to wait to have a real shower but come wensday no more cloth baths I can have real showers. So I'm a little giddy there.

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  • Pi-Xi
    Pi-Xi Member Posts: 348
    edited October 2018
    JadedJo! I'm so happy for you! Wednesday will be awesome.
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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Kcmc

    Thank you.

    I have tried two different antidepressants and both times ended up worse then when I started with no change to the depression. One shrink said pills aren't going to do much when most of the reasons I am depressed are situational and I have a good reason to be depressed. Life can be full of a full lifetime of cruelty to some people on this earth and I seem to be one of those few unfortunate people.when someone asks you "what god did you piss off?" When they hear about everything I've been through you know good luck isn't going to go my way, most of the time.

    With how sensitive my system is and the fact that they didn't work at all except make me really sick even though I was on both for over three months I said enough.i need my life to change for the better to get better and the past five years the most of it has  just gone in the opposite direction and gotten worse. No pill is going to help me. A Miracle that changes my life for the better would, but people like me don't get miracles.

    Ya I pretty much am pretending nothing is happening because I just can't take anymore. It would be one thing if it happened before the surgery or after I was fully healed but right now when I can't even do my regular laundry ( weight restriction and open top washer) much less wash everything I own. I just can't deal.

    Since I been released from surgery I been watching my DVD sets of CSI NY, CSI Miami,the original CSI, NCIS, and so far season one of Buffy.i don't own all seasons ( the biggest one  I got is CSI NY at 7 seasons and NCIS at 8 seasons the rest are just here and there)

    Can you tell I'm on a CSI kick :)

    Pain kept me awake so I been through  a few seasons and am still chugging along. I'm actually watching CSI Miami while I type this.

    I'm going to be more mobile now that the drains are out ( trying to hide the dang tubes was a royal pain and I looked like a kangaroo carrying a joey when I did so I rarely went out in public) but I'm probably going to go through the majority of the basket I set up before I had surgery by the time I get the full clear.so I'm killing time while I heal and wait.

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  • KCMC
    KCMC Member Posts: 208
    edited October 2018

    Wohhooo! So happy drains are out! Yeah!!!!!!!

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Thanks :)

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  • Puzzlewoman
    Puzzlewoman Member Posts: 171
    edited October 2018

    Jo, I am so happy things are moving along for you! Enjoy those tv shows, those are good ones.Please keep letting us know how all is going. 😊


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  • Egads007
    Egads007 Member Posts: 1,603
    edited October 2018

    image

    YAY!! Drains are out!! You ARE doing amazingly well...and this is only going to help further! Keep self medicating with the CSI vids, soothes the aching mind. I’m hoping nothing but peace and good things come your way...sure is deserved. Keep us posted on the progress, and your eyes peeled for the nasty lil’ buggers. I so wish we lived in the same town...I’d be over to help in a New York minute!

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  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited October 2018

    Yay!!!

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  • ceanna
    ceanna Member Posts: 5,270
    edited October 2018

    JJo, so glad to hear you have drain freedom!!!!! Rejoice and do the happy dance when you can!!! That first shower will feel so good!!!! Enjoy!!!

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Thank you all.

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Well things are not looking good thankfully I have an appt today to find out how not good. The incisions where my nipples used to be appear to be opening and seeping blood, not enough to overcome the steristrips but enough to be concerning.

    Dear Universe and God: For once in my life can't you let things go right without issues?!?

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  • Puzzlewoman
    Puzzlewoman Member Posts: 171
    edited October 2018

    Oh, I’m so sorry Jo, that’s awful! I’m so glad you have an appt. Make them fix you!!

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  • hapa
    hapa Member Posts: 920
    edited October 2018

    Is it dried and crusty, or wet? One of my steristrips had a crust of blood appear underneath but nothing ever came of it. I took them off after two weeks I think and the incision looked fine.

    Glad to hear you're done with the drains. People who have never had drains do not understand the joy of not having drains. I almost feel sorry for them. I'm impressed that you can pull a shirt over your head. By the time my drains came out I couldn't get my arm up enough to get in and out of a pullover shirt. I had to do PT.

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Puzzlewoman 

    Thanks, yes the happy from my first shower in over two weeks was pretty much decimated when I saw the skin separating.

    Hapa

    It's was small dry  blood drops on the abdominal pads I wear beteeen my bra and skin and the skin separating. The doctor put some tincture(?) on the one that was separating and extra steristrips on both.she says it look like it's going good.


    Update: half of my pathology labs came back, 2cm with what appears to be no node involvement with no malignancy and no mets in the sentinel node.her 2 isn't back yet and they weren't happy when I said the past two weeks have shown  to me I won't do chemo whether I need it or not because there is no way I can survive it mentally.bo use trying to save someone with poison if that person is going to slit their wrists before they get halfway through because dealing with the side effects was too much for them to handle.im willing to accept I will be dead way before I'm 50 from this disease. I got nothing to stick around for and this cancer has destroyed and taken away whatever little hope I had left for the future. Apparently I am in the gray area and they may have to do an oncotype. 

    It would be one thing if I wasn't facing this alone and maybe had some hope for the future.but I am and I have no hope for the future. Things are getting worse in life not better and I'm done. 

    It's still going to be quite some time before I see an oncologist because apparently that's how things work around here. Mostly I'm impatiently waiting for the freedom to be able to do things like carrying stuff for grocery shopping,the library  and working out again cause guess who's gained ten pounds in the past two weeks. Like life doesn't suck enough.

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  • hapa
    hapa Member Posts: 920
    edited October 2018

    Wait for the oncotype to come back. Did they mention the grade of your tumor? Or the HR+ percents?

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Hapa

    It's grade 2, 2 cm, no sentinal node involvement,her 2 is pending. That's all I got right now. When I see BS near end of month they will probably have more. He's the one that refers me to the oncologist too.

    Doesn't matter what the oncotype says I'm unlikely to change my mind.it would have to be one major sweet talking oncologist  to do it and from I hear the majority of them are "do what I say and don't question it" which if any say that to me I'm up and out the door before they will finish the sentence. Especially these days.

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  • hapa
    hapa Member Posts: 920
    edited October 2018

    Good luck Jo. Let us know when you get the oncotype back what they say about chemo. Will you do Tamoxifen or AIs?

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  • ceanna
    ceanna Member Posts: 5,270
    edited October 2018

    JJo. Good to hear the positive news so far--no lymph node involvement and doctor says you're healing good. With the drains out and able to take a shower, it won't be long now until you're doing that happy dance!!! Your body is adjusting to no drains, but I'm sure once you are active again, those extra few pounds will leave quickly!! All the best for continued healing! Ceanna

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited October 2018

    Hapa

    Thanks.Tamoxifen but even that I'm on the fence about. My quality of life is already hell, and I'm hearing enough horror stories about tamoxifen that making things worse then they already are my last few years is not on my list of things to do.

    Ceanna

    Thank you deeply.

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