One year since DCIS dx... Exhausted and tired

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Kimmy_nl
Kimmy_nl Member Posts: 21
edited November 2018 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

It's been one year since the fateful bad annual mammogram showing microcalcifications. I've been through 2 lumpectomies, consults with medical oncologists, radiation oncologists, more surgeons and hopefully tomorrow will be my last consult. Final decision made now is mastectomy of the left breast with immediate reconstruction NSM direct to implants. I am waiting on my BRCA1 and BRCA2 results to make my final decision on whether I have a UMX or BMX, which I ended up paying for myself. I am adopted and I don't know my family medical history and apparently in the province I live in, that is considered as having no family history of breast cancer... Ummmm ok, not really. I feel like because I was diagnosed with DCIS that I have fell through the cracks of the health care system and I have had to fight for myself. At one point my referral was lost and that delayed me a month in seeing the BS. I had no blood work done at any point in this (not even for pre-op), no MRI, no scans, just the magnification mammogram a year ago and my yearly routine mammo a few weeks ago. It's been a year of appointments, surgeries and lots of waiting on results and consults. I'm hoping that this will soon be over and I can get back to life.

I know having a dx of DCIS is the best of the bad news, and I have been very positive throughout this outwardly to others. But I feel so fatigued right now and it's a battle to get out of bed these days and just move, I don't know why that is... I am sad at the thought of losing my breast (maybe both), but I don't feel like I have the right to complain when others are going through much worse. I am going to a local Breast Reconstruction Event in my city and I feel sort of like I don't belong there or should be going there, like having DCIS is not the same as having breast cancer and many of the women there have gone through terrible treatments that I have avoided. The doctors all downplay the DCIS dx, so I feel like expressing any emotion other than gratitude that it's not anything other than Stage 0 is wrong. I haven't expressed my emotions to anyone, not my husband, friends or family... Everyone thinks I am so lucky and that I am incredibly strong. But I am not, I am just tired of this strong and brave front honestly.

I know this post is not a question, it's just opening the floodgates and looking for a place to put the emotions of this past year with others who have the same dx

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  • Ingerp
    Ingerp Member Posts: 2,624
    edited September 2018

    Vent away. We each have our own journey but the common thread is that they are all emotionally exhausting. All I can say is hang in there—at some point this will be behind you and life will get back to normal, or at least close.

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  • Milkcandy
    Milkcandy Member Posts: 1
    edited September 2018

    Kimmy_nl: I agree with Ingerp. You are going through a journey, nonetheless, and despite it being one of the 'better" of the 'worst' diagnoses... it's still cancer. I was diagnosed in June of this summer with DCIS, and did UMX in August. My oncologist did not recommend doing BMX, and personally, I preferred to keep at least one breast though I will also be going for genetic testing in November, (my mom and aunt had BS) and if it comes out I have the gene mutation than I will go ahead and have prophylactic surgery (though per any mammos/US/MRI, there is no indication of it being in my other breast). Losing your breasts is a big thing! So I hope you take the time for you to mentally absorb it all (cry, laugh, get angry, etc!) because I think we need to in order to move ahead... well that's just my thoughts. I hope you also go to the Breast Reconstruction event because I think it will help for you to decide what you want to do.. talking to people can make the road a bit clearer. :) - Good luck, and I hope the journey is less bumpy going forward. Sending healing thoughts your way.

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  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited October 2018

    You have every right to complain! DCIS is still a scary, painful, awful experience. It sounds like you might be feeling depressed and need support. Please reach out for help from people that you trust. I can't imagine having gone through this alone. My community gave me and my family so much support, and I feel so lucky for it. The time will come that others will experience similar diagnoses, and they will come to you for help. Take a little break from being strong. Best wishes!

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  • Kimmy_nl
    Kimmy_nl Member Posts: 21
    edited October 2018

    Thank you ladies for the support :) I'm hoping I will start to feel better once I get through the mastectomy surgery, that is definitely weighing down on me right now.

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  • Freudosa
    Freudosa Member Posts: 8
    edited November 2018

    Sometimes fatigue and exhaustion can be due to depression, which is not uncommon when dealing with BC, DCIS and other. Feeling that you can’t express your emotions might contribute to this. If possible, please speak with a counselor about this. Best wishes for you.

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