Have the fear again

SSInUK
SSInUK Member Posts: 245
edited September 2018 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Fear sits on my shoulder once again, as I await PET scan results tomorrow. The last 9 months have been so awful - supporting my darling Dad in hospice till his death, seeing my mum decline into dementia, a scare for uterine cancer (inconclusive biopsy the day after my dad's funeral), a hysterectomy with only 2 weeks off, extended massive work pressure. In the face of it all, I lost the plot: crappy food habits, major weight gain, zero exercise, prolonged stress, no time off. So much dumb behaviour in the face of so much I couldn't control - I can't believe I wont see cancer back. Am I the only one who has so comprehensively screwed up? Has anyone 'got away with it' b/c wise? Reaching out in dark hours.

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited September 2018

    SSinUK - just wanted to send a virtual hug and good wishes to you. You have been through so much in such a short time.

    Whenever you face scans, the anxiety is off the charts. I had to have an MRI this week. Although I have been cancer free for almost 7 years,

    I was right back there this week. Thankfully, it was negative for cancer which is a miracle for me.

    My sister had her 6 month checkup from Stage 3C BC this week. She was fine, but she had to stay in bed for 3 days to emotionally recover from her checkup and my MRI.

    We still fall apart...but then it gets better. I tell people I live in 6 month increments and have cancer of the week, and sometimes cancer of the day. If I can laugh about it, it helps me.


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  • wintersocks
    wintersocks Member Posts: 922
    edited September 2018

    SS

    What a truly horrid year you have had. So sorry to hear you are facing more worry tomorrow. I am in UK too; pm me if it helps.


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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited September 2018

    SSinUK--I'm so sorry for the worry and stress. And you're handling the crapstorm in your life the best way you can; don't kick yourself for "losing the plot," -- which made me laugh, and I completely understand the thought. It might be a dark place where you're waiting for PET scan results, but we will wait with you. SB

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  • SSInUK
    SSInUK Member Posts: 245
    edited September 2018

    thank you kind sinelizabeth - means a lot to know you’re there. am in the car to the hospital right now; bizarrely thinking of what people suffer n deatb row.

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  • SSInUK
    SSInUK Member Posts: 245
    edited September 2018

    Not great news. They saw hot spots in the Pouch of Douglas and another bit of the pelvis. It could be from hysterectomy 3 months ago but the report proposed urgent MRI to assess for peritoneal mets.

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  • YATCOMW
    YATCOMW Member Posts: 664
    edited September 2018

    Your mind always goes to the dark place......but hang in there....I've had more scares than I can count....and the results ended up being okay. But until you hear those words.....it's just so hard.....and then this huge weight drops off your shoulders.

    Let us know how the MRI comes out......you've been through a heck of a year.....so sorry for so much loss.

    But know you're not alone on your other thoughts.... I gained a ton of weight after my hysterectomy. My job is extremely stressful and quite frankly I am stupid to do it. I am just in the last eight weeks finally getting my act together to lose the weight. I hope this helps that it isn't you.....many of us are dealing with the same crazy stuff.....and we're here to help how we can;)

    Jacqueline

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  • bluepearl
    bluepearl Member Posts: 961
    edited September 2018

    SSinUK....IDC usually doesn't show up as peritoneal mets. Lobular carcinoma does. But glad you are being checked. Wishing you good health results!

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited September 2018

    In your pocket, SSinUK, and praying for reassuring news. SB

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited September 2018

    Oh I know the fear of dealing with stress and thinking this will bring back the cancer!! In a lot of stress now and that is the big fear for me now!! Will be praying the tests are all clear as we all wait with you!! Please keep us posted!

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited September 2018

    Hi SS,

    My condolences on the loss of your father .. I am also so sorry too for your Mom's diagnosis. and now you have worry about a mets. The spots they have ID'ed may just be scar tissue from your surgery.

    So normal to go to the dark side during a scare. I think we all do it. Please breathe and let us know when you get the good news.

    hugs going out to you

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