Recently Diagnosed and Scared

BFitz
BFitz Member Posts: 8
edited January 2019 in Just Diagnosed

I am 35 years old. I have two young children. I am scared I will not make it and my children will grow up not remembering me, as they are so young (just 3 and 5 years old). I am a single mother and although their father is in their lives, I know he cannot raise them alone. I play such a large role in their upbringing that if I don't beat this I am not sure what their lives will be like. I am new to my diagnoses but not to breast cancer - it runs in my family and my maternal aunt battled it twice and survived. I know I have a battle a head of me and I have hope. Though I still find myself scared of the "what ifs".

At this moment in my diagnoses I have learned I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Stage 2, Grade 3 triple negative and all the doctor's keep telling me how aggressive it is. One doctor, the surgeon, told me she is worried and believes I have a 50/50 chance that it has already spread beyond my lymph nodes. Needless to say this only aided in my fears and I have come to the conclusion that I don't like this particular doctor. My oncologist, too, expressed concern that it may have already spread but in a more direct, non-personal way that I respected. My insurance has been playing games, delaying my treatment and pissing me off. Doc wants me to have a CT Scan and PETScan prior to chemo. Her words, "if it is limited to the breast and nodes, it is treatment and survive. If it has spread further, it is treatment to prolong life". As one could imagine, I am VERY scared and VERY worried that is has spread further!!!

To make matters worse, this cancer is not my only. Approx. a year ago I was diagnosed with cervical cancer of which I am still plagued.

Another worry is my lymph nodes were hurting - considerable pain daily which is how I found the lump to begin with - and within the last few days, the pain is gone. Why has the pain gone? The lump is smaller than it was before biopsy and after, it is the smallest since I found it. And it does not hurt.

How common is the worry that it has spread beyond the lymph nodes? What are your stories? I need to know that there is light at the end of this tunnel because I am not ready to die. My kids need me to live.

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Comments

  • Sadlynew2018
    Sadlynew2018 Member Posts: 222
    edited September 2018

    BFitz, my heart goes out to you. A new diagnosis is scary and just plain frightening. I have 3 young children and was diagnosed with IDC, grade 2. There will be a lot of tests and discussions with doctors. The hardest part is waiting for the actual final diagnosis. It's been 32 days since my (initial)diagnosis and I still don't have a final stage/diagnosis. I, too, carry the fear of spreading. It is very common to have that fear. I tried to journal my feelings to get them out of my head. I used to cry just looking at my children and still do sometimes. It's ok to be scared. Once the test results start coming in, it will be easier to move forward. There are a TON of ladies on here who have SO much knowledge. This blog supported me during the diagnosis stage (and still does). Sending hugs your way tonight. Hang in there.

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  • BETH13
    BETH13 Member Posts: 1
    edited September 2018

    I was just diagnosed with IDC last night and I am freaking out a little bit this morning. Is there a phone number where I can talk to somebody? I help line?

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  • vampeyes
    vampeyes Member Posts: 1,227
    edited September 2018

    BFitz - I am so very sorry you have joined our community. I am sending you big HUGS and you are at the right place for support. As Sadlynew stated, this is the hardest part, once you get all your tests back and treatment plan in order things will be "better". Do you have family that live close to you that can help out with the kids?

    xxx

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2018

    Beth and BFitz, we're sorry you had to find us, but glad you did. Welcome! We all know how hard the beginning is, but you will get through it, and this wonderful Community is here to help!

    Beth, we don't really have a phone number or a cancer helpline, but you'll get great support and advice from wonderful people here. Anyway, if you still need to talk, you may want to call the American Cancer Society or the National Cancer Institute helplines.

    As a suggestion, you both may find some helpful info in our section for Members Who've Just Been Diagnosed. Remember that the more you learn about your diagnosis and treatment plan, the better you will start to feel. Please, let us know how you're doing, We are thinking of you, and sending you many hugs!

    The Mods


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  • OCDAmy
    OCDAmy Member Posts: 873
    edited September 2018

    BFitz, the waiting is truly one of the hardest aspects of breast cancer. I had a large tumor and cancer in lymph node so I was scared to death it had spread. The worst weekend of my life was waiting for the results from my CT scan which showed no spread. Do ask for something to help with anxiety, you may need it to get through these tough times. Hugs to you.

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  • BFitz
    BFitz Member Posts: 8
    edited September 2018

    I appreciate the kind words.

    I find myself going through stages, as I had imagined would happen. When I posted the above, I was on a roller coaster of emotions. I guess I still am. Mostly, I just want to get started with treatment already. I have come to the conclusion that insurance company's suck! My doc wanted me to start chemo this week and my insurance company sat for so long on approvals that I now don't start until next week. It is very frustrating!

    Tomorrow is my pre-chemo appointment so I imagine I will learn more about what to expect. I get my port on Monday and start chemo on Tuesday. I was told I can't have surgery until after 20 weeks of chemo. I thought I would be more scared of the chemo. Maybe that will change once it actually starts.

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  • VL22
    VL22 Member Posts: 851
    edited September 2018

    BFitz - I’m so sorry you’re here. The beginning is devastating. I agree that your doctor’s doom and gloom talk is unnecessary at this point.

    There is a TN thread that you might want to check out - you’ll get a lot of support and info from those of us who are also TN. TN definitely adds another layer of fear and anxiety, but so many wonderful women are here to hold your hand.

    Take it one day at a time ( I know easier said than done!) and you’ll be surprised at the strength you have.

    Good luck starting treatment next week.

    Hugs.

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  • BFitz
    BFitz Member Posts: 8
    edited September 2018

    Had my PETscan today. Still awaiting the results. CT Scan showed no spreading so I am hopeful the PETscan will show the same. First chemo treatment went well. I am taking notes on how I am feeling everyday and so far today I feel fairly normal.

    Anyone else hate their port? This thing has been in a week and is driving me nuts! It aches and I swear I can feel the cathedar in my vein which sometimes hurts, often is pressure, and is very uncomfortable.

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  • msphil
    msphil Member Posts: 1,536
    edited October 2018

    hello sweetie I found my lump after pain under my Left arm while preparing for our 2nd marriages. idc stage2 0/3 nodes 3mo chemo (adriamycin cytoxin 5fu) before and after Lmast got married then 7wks rads and 5yrs on Tamoxifen and this yr am a 24yr Survivor Praise God. Have HOPE AND POSITIVE THOUGHTS with my Faith.

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  • BFitz
    BFitz Member Posts: 8
    edited January 2019

    great news ... MRI shows no sign of disease and chemo has now finished and lumpectomy is scheduled for the 31st.

    I hate my port. It hurts. And for the past month+ my port side shoulder is causing major pain. Doc says nothing wrong with port and thinks i pulled a muscle. I think shoulder pissed about port being there. Your thoughts?

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  • santabarbarian
    santabarbarian Member Posts: 3,085
    edited January 2019

    Get your port out asap! I HATED my port and it came out after my 3rd chemo. It's ridiculous to have a port to save (in my case) a total of 7 needle sticks (six chemos and one surgery).

    I have a similar diagnosis as you - TNBC, stage 2 - and I had great outcome from chemo too. I am hoping for the best for you and your kids!

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  • Lenzi
    Lenzi Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2019

    What a terrible time for you! The surgeon won't know exactly what's happening till after your scans and surgery. And while yours may be named "aggressive," doesn't mean it automatically a death sentence...cancer is far more seen now as a "chronic illness." If you're a research fan, check out reliable sites such as MD Anderson or the Mayo Clinic. Create a list of questions for your medical team. Be sure to get support fm your family and friends, perhaps have dad take the kids more so you may be able to focus a bit more on you. Don't be afraid/worried about asking for help (I'm not great at it...many of us women are so used to managing everything ourselves!) Try not to go to "worse case" scenario. ❤

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2019

    Thank you for chiming in Lenzi, and for joining us here at BCO! We hope you find this to be a supportive place!

    The Mods

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