Radiation regrets...could use some emotional support:)

Mama2boys,

I am so sorry you are going through this, I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom. My guess is the sarcoma is very low for recurrence rate and not sure if a mastectomy would make a difference. From what I have read is that some breast cells could be left behind after mastectomy and still develop cancer. Not a 100% guarantee that's why I opted out of doing it.

So I will offer you a virtual hug and shoulder to lean on.

Please do not second guess yourself. There is much study being released that radiation is a huge benefit in breast cancer. It is recommended more and more to a wider group of patients. Also, the sarcoma risk is very small and it is something that typically occurs 20+ years later. Incidentally, there is also a risk of secondary cancer with chemotherapy. However, the immediate and short term benefits far outweigh what may happen decades later. You have to survive the now to reach the later.

Another thing to keep in mind is that cancer treatments are advancing at record pace due to the human genome project completed in 2003. Targeted therapies, immunotherapies, and treatment vaccines are the new normal, although many need a chemo agent to jump start and assist them. Rather than focusing on chemotherapy most researchers are focusing on antigens and mutation targets. Pharmaceutical companies feel that the next 5-7 years are going to be groundbreaking in the cancer field. Curative? Who knows because cancer is complex. However, it will be more manageable. So, we all need to treat ourselves now with the best options we currently have to get to the future. If on the slim chance a sarcoma pops up in 20 years, there will most likely be better treatment. Remember statistics today reflect past medicine. You cannot predict future statistics because data from today's treatments will not be available until years from now.

Every medical treatment comes with risk, but that doesn't mean those treatments are bad or poor decisions. And if you had had a mastectomy you still might have ended up with radiation. And mastectomy doesn't always come without problems. I am over a year out from radiation and honestly I am more scared that cancer cells escaped before surgery and are lurking somewhere else than I am of secondary cancer. These are things though that we just can't control even though we desperately want to. I have to tell myself stuff like this everyday--you are not alone.

Try to rest in the realization that what is done is done, what you are worried about is really low risk, and celebrate that you finished radiation!!

I’ll put this out there the way my mom put it to me when I found out the long term possible SEs of chemo and/rads after having Hodgkin lymphoma at age 13:

We had to do whatever needed to be done to save you from the cancer that will kill you now and not worry about potential cancers that might or might not show up later. If they show up in the future, we will deal with them then.

I had max dose full mantle rads + rads to abdomen/pelvis. 10 years after rads - 1 spot of melanoma, treatment = excision. 11 years after rads - thyroid cancer that was found by chance due to enlarged thyroid that I insisted be removed, treatment = thyroidectomy. 30 years after rads = BC, treatment = BMX w/immediate DIEP flap recon and anti-hormonal therapy

So yes, you may develop another cancer down the road from the rads, but if you don’t do the rads you’ll never make it to that point to see if you develop anything else.

I am little bit in your boat--I fear side effects of radiation more than breast cancer. I just finished radiation post-mastectomy 3 days ago. I felt I rushed myself into the decision and didn't feel comfortable the entire time. What made it worse is I fell into a "gray" area-- some ONCs said yes and others said now. I have tissue expanders that will be impacted and lympadema risk not to mention my treatment was on the left side with 50 gray. Huge doses. I did it for two reasons-- to fight the cancer I have (as someone else said) and to be aggressive now while my kids are young. I went against all my principles and sacrificed my quality of life and also didn't listen to my surgeon who said not to get it (she is a woman). She said she would never get it. But I trusted the big wig ROs I consulted. Reduction in LRR was at most 10%. If I could re-do it, I would not do it or with someone else.

I am starting to think this is just the gift of cancer we have. We have anxiety overall but have displaced it. We also are not sure of ourselves and so second guess our decisions. We are forced to make decisions while our bodies and minds are undergoing trauma. Not fair. It was not ever clear to me the right choice but I Just kept scheduling myself for the radiation and then went along with it even though my body told me NOT to enter the hospital on the first day I was to start.

This has all thrown me into a depression. I can't sleep. I am in pain from the radiation -- taste sensations have changed and dry mouth. I hope they go away. I am too young for this. My life was just fine 3 months ago but I am told it will be fine 3 months from now too.