Is it back or not? My gut says yes....

Thanks all for the kind greetings and words of encouragement. I have an MRI, Ultrasound, and CT scan on the 11th (yes, all three to check for brain and lung mets) a trip to the gastroenterologist (high risk of pancreatic cancer due to ATM) and will hopefully end up in the clear and all the stress will be for nothing. It's like deja vu with my July 2017 recurrence on the same side...I will know either way by the 14th. Fingers crossed.

So, it's me again. NO offense, but I had hoped I'd never have to unload on all of you again ;P

Here we are at my 2 year anniversary of completing radiation for my 2017 left breast local recurrence (which occurred at my 5 year anniversary of original DX) and I feel like I'm heading down a really dark path again and maybe my gut wasn't wrong after all in 2018 (see above).

Around about June 2019 I noticed some right side side hip discomfort - it started out feeling like a bruised bone, tender to palpate, and a bit of throbbing here and there - It did NOT feel like pain in the actual joint. It didn't go away, and has slowly progressed in intensity and is now bad enough at night or when I lay down that it throbs down to my knee and into my lady parts. Walking is ok, sitting is intermittent. Onc was notified and said try physical therapy and rule out arthritis. My horses are my physical therapy and my GP ruled out rheumatoid arthritis. (I see her on Monday to discuss the hip pain again). Fast forward.........

2 weeks or so ago I get a chilling sense of Deja Vu

My left (recurrent) breast started itching along the mastectomy line (itching was my first sign for every DX). The mastectomy scar itself is no longer fairly smooth like the other side, it shows darkening and significant swelling, as well as being indented more than usual. I rubbed the irritation,as one would, and felt a series of small raised lesions under the skin right above, and below the mastectomy line and heading towards my arm pit. The whole area from above, to on and below the entire scar is tender to touch. The lumps are not exactly hard pea lumps, more like clusters or rows of slightly raised irregularity if that makes any sense. Not ridges either. My reconstructed boob has drifted toward my armpit again, and I now get intermittent shooting pain that goes from from left side of the reconstructed nipple into my arm pit. Although I can't feel any lymph nodes swollen, my left neck has been tender and slightly swollen from collar bone to jaw. I have been so fatigued I think I could sleep 24 hrs a day or at least not move a muscle unless absolutely necessary. Depressed, and anxious and AGAIN the feeling of pending doom.

I called my oncologist Tuesday morning and was in by 1 pm that day. My oncologist could feel the bumps and as I looked down I could actually see a raised bump/swelling in my skin just to the left of the nipple. When asked if she thought it was the implant, her response was a slow, "No, I don't think so". BUT reassured me it was likely nothing and then proceeded to book me for a PET scan next Thursday.

My opinion? I am surely going to light up the PET like a Christmas tree.

Your opinion?

Thanks for letting me rant. I am terrified but somewhat resigned that this disease will kill me, sooner rather than later, and that since day one I have been on the rare side of things, including an ATM mutation, 2 kinds of breast cancer diagnosed two weeks apart at initial DX, and a recurrence that "never should have happened." Now this.....