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kerryisdancing
kerryisdancing Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
hi everyone! i could use some advice. my boyfriend's mom, who i am really close with, was just diagnosed with breast cancer. well, she was diagnosed in november, and she just recently decided to tell her kids. she told me first and told her son, my boyfriend, only when i was with her to help out. i don't know much about her particular case, or much about breast cancer in general, though i have been doing some research. i know that she is recieving periodic treatments of chemotherapy. my one question is, i guess to the guys who are supporting those with breast cancer, is how did you react when you found out? my boyfriend and his mom are so close. she's his world, and he is hers. i've seen the way he reacts to rough times-he puts it out of his mind. and even immediately after she told him, he reacted cooly-saying "don't worry mom. i know you can handle this." he hasn't mentioned it at all and hasn't showed even a moment of confusion, sadness, anger, or anything that i have seen described. should i worry about his reaction? i'm worried that if he doesn't confront his feelings, they are going to harm him a lot in the future. what can i do to support him and his mom without intruding too much? and i know i can't push him to talk to me or even his mom, but is there anything i can do?

thanks,
kerry
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  • denisa
    denisa Member Posts: 160
    edited November 2010

    ...

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  • kerryisdancing
    kerryisdancing Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007
    denisa,
    thank you for your much needed advice! it makes complete sense to go to her and support not just her son but her also. i originally was worried that he might feel a little betrayed or like i was in some way going behind his back if i did that, but i'm starting to realize that when someone is going through anything like this, its the little things that really matter, and that theres a lot more i can do than i originally thought. thanks again for your advice.
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  • MIdb
    MIdb Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2007
    Kerry, in my case, when my wife told me about the lump in her armpit, I kinda thought it was cancer. The diagnosis only confirmed what I thought I already knew. But I also knew that BC treatment could result in her living a fairly normal life. The news wasn't good, but I knew that it also did not mean I was about to be a widower any time soon.

    Whe she was diagnosed Stage IV, it was more of a shock. I was not expecting, and therefore was not ready for that news. But I also knew that she would need me to stay focused on her.

    I was not with her either time that the dr gave the diagnosis. In both cases, she called me at work. In both cases, she was crying, and I cried on the way home.

    In your bf's case, he may be showing his emotions away from you, and his mom. If he still seems calm and in control, then perhaps you won't be as panicky. My wife rarely sees me crying. My feeling mean a lot to her, and I know she would (and does) worry about what she is putting me through (as though its her fault). So, if I don't seem to be traumatized, her trauma is lessened as well.
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  • kerryisdancing
    kerryisdancing Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007

    hmm yea that does make a lot of sense. i guess me and his mom both feel like we dont want him to have to feel emotions alone, we both want to protect him and help him and i think his moms gotta be feeling that even more than i am. but when you put it that way, it makes sense to let him just figure stuff out independently and just be here if he ever needs a little extra support. its really awesome that you guys, even in the midst of your own emotions, want so much to protect the loved ones in your lives. i really think that that must mean so much to your wife. thanks a lot for your help, dave!

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  • MIdb
    MIdb Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2007

    One other thing.....have him come here and poke his nose around. If he can see what you ladies are going through, and what other care-givers are going through, perhaps it will help him understand and open up a bit.

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