Disappointing news for me due to my useless body.

I guess I'm just tired of being the one who always has to sacrifice.

Just once I want something to work out FOR me instead of AGAINST me.

JoniB

Thank you.

Honestly I should have known better. They were too agreeable about things. 

I just realized I didn't get an answer about where it's going to be placed in or on the pecs. All he kept stressing was if I rejected it or infection set in he would take it out,ya I knew that already I want to know where he is cutting. All I know is they use ADM.

I have hidrinititus (sp?) supportiva which means I always got a skin infection somewhere I've had it since I was 13 which is why he can't save the nipples he says it interferes with the healing process and I'm 50% risk for infection if he tries to attach them after reducing and I could lose everything. The only way i could keep them is if I went bigger. If it wasn't for that he would have given it a chance removing and moving the nipple up but he says it's likely the whole thing would fail.my odds are better with removing everything. So once again my body screws me over.

He also wants somebody helping me the first two weeks at least ,he said he would want that even with no reconstruction,and I kept saying I don't know how many times I have to stress this I have NOBODY. I AM ALONE. So now I have to contact people to find out what kind of home services I qualify for.

What upsets me most is I was told I could stay at least two to three days in hospital but they are booting my butt out the next day if there are no complications.if I have to I'm going to straight up say I don't feel safe going home right now especially if my movement is whacked up from the surgery. Another thing I'm tired of. The health care industry putting people's lives at risk to save money.

It's major freaking surgery NOBODY should be going home same day or day after especially with reconstruction.

Thank you puzzlewoman

I actually told him it's not like I have a choice in the matter. The one person who can help lives in another province and has no money to come here and help for two weeks also she has a toddler.

All this is doing is making things worse for me mentally and emotionally . 

I'm already losing my nipples after being told they could be saved and now they are saying they won't do anything unless I have someone but I can't just snap my fingers and make someone appear. 

I better get a decent pair of smaller boobs out of all this. I probably should have gone flat and will if I have to if there are complications but I'm already losing EVERYTHING thanks to this cancer and I just want to get SOMETHING out of it other then nightmares for years,ptsd which I was suffering from before the cancer,constant worry and fear of reoccurance or mets and long life lasting side effects from ALL the treatments,loss of any future love life and any hope of a child among other things. 

And this is one of the many reasons I am  bone tired before I have even begun.

@sbelizabeth

Thank you.

Basically what I'm getting and feeling at the moment is nobody wants to take on the job and is shuffling it off to somebody else and then that person does the same etc and in the end I'm still where I started. No resources, alone and left with nothing, feeling like a burden that nobody wants.

It doesn't help that they can't even get me a date for surgery yet because they have to coordinate with others so I'm still in a holding pattern and I'm fed up with everybody and ready to say screw it just let me die I dont have the energy to struggle and fight anymore.

I feel like I was blown off at the ps meet today unfortunately it's cda and you can only take what you can get.

 People in the local medical community seem to be forgetting I'm in a bad place mentally already. All this "you need someone there" is just reminding me I'm completely alone in this world and nobody wants me which is the LAST thing I need reminding of in this situation. 

It's left me feeling so sad and tired I'm feeling it in my bones.

Hapa

Congrats on doing so well. Hope your recovery is full, pain is short with no complications  and doesn't take long.

I'm hoping all the exercise I am doing will help me with that when it's my turn.

Pretty much I'm upset I'm losing the nipples because they said they could be saved ( I guess they didn't know about the skin issue then)but I have to suck it up buttercup cause the boobs need to be removed,get lighter and smaller. I have noticed even with all the Pilates and ballet stuff I still hunch over especially sitting  and I suspect it's cause the weight from my breasts pulling down my front.

They have 3D tattooing here and it's covered so when I get the ok I will get falsies tatted on.it might help me mentally. 

 If I had money (cause it's expensive and you need somebody who knows how to work on women who have had mastectomys and have scars) I would do an intricate bra cup like tattoo cause I think they look wicked cool.Also I don't know if I will get lymphedema so that's all a wait an see thing too.

Take care,heal well.

Blessed be.

Clairebear47

Thank you.

I've never heard of it and no one has mentioned it so it's not likely it exists here.the cancer society does provide transportation to appts but there is a fee.i got no money to spare right now.

Hapa

Thanks and I was the exact opposite. I considered lumpectomy for a hot minute and then went nope I'm lopping it all off.they say the choice you feel at peace with is the right one and when I considered lumpectomy and umx I felt this panicked feeling when I considered bmx it was like a weight lifted. 

Unfortunately no I have to go downstairs for delivery and half the time they just leave it in front of the door for anyone to take.

Closer to the date when I get it I'm going to make soup and poach and cut up a pile of chicken and put into containers so all I got to do is pull stuff out of the freezer. Hopefully that will last me into the second week when hopefully the drains will come out.  I remember  the first two to three days I can't handle more then fluids and something very  light due to anesthesia. Like a fruit purée or something. Which is why I wish I could afford a protein powder.

Oxygen18 and meow13

Thank you. If I had disposable money to pay for it  I wouldn't be so upset because  barring lymphedema issues I would have gotten intricate  tattoos to cover the scars and blank space. I will be opting for the 3D tattoo nipples if possible because that is covered under our health care because it is part of reconstruction.

My family has no money to spare and wouldn't give it to me if they did so I know asking is a waste of time and breath.

I'm trying to fight for homecare at least to help me wash my hair regularly, I guess the garbage downstairs cause I forgot about that and help me with my laundry which I can only do on wensday due to apt building rules.but with all the cut backs services that used to be available no longer are.

@ Exercise guru

Thank you I hope I can get through what I need to. I hope there is something better then what I got now at the end of it all. I don't want to survive this nightmare just to be in the same situation when I started or worse.

That's the issue I have with the services available in this city. You don't get them until AFTER things are done. So no support group for someone starting out, no peer support either. I don't need it after I will have already endured it and know what's involved I need help now and right now the only place I'm getting it is here which is why I'm still posting a lot even though I said i would cut back.

I'm doing little things right now like switching my table covers for more winter seasonal ones (which is hilarious cause two are xmas themes and another is Halloween themed and it is still summer but hey when I usually change them I will be about starting to mid recovery so I figured do it now.also I set up a workout corner with my little light weights,mats and a container holding workout clothes and resistance bands. It's pretty much going to be used non stop until the day before surgery so I figured organize it and make it pretty (have a cute tapestry throw over it when not in use) 

I will be too busy closer to October to do these little things. It helps me feel productive. Also been setting up my hospital bag. Since I'm staying overnight and will be pushing for another night if possible.i know I still have stuff left but so far  Foldable Headphones, ear hanging ones in case the other craps out,regular socks,fuzzy socks,fuzzy foldable slippers (can you tell my feet get cold), a couple of underthings I don't have surgical bra yet,antacids,small pouches for my cell phone,the other that has my meditation music and apps and small wallet with ID And small amount of money and another small pouch for trial size toothpaste,toothbrush mouthwash and comb and my medication container but I can't get those yet until I have money.  I am using a thin medium sized very light tote bag that has a a lot of zipper pockets so I just need to remember where I put what. I have washed my thin zip up hoodie I will be using so that's ready to go. I have to toss a thin fake pashmina scarf in there I can fold over enough to block the seat belt to come home from hurting too much. 

Might as well use my Avon pink for the cure one. irony. more so cause every time breast cancer products came available either through Avon or cibc we always bought one for each of us, my dad used to buy some for us too when they had something cause he knew we liked them and sometimes bought for relatives. Super irony cause none of us had a clue I would get breast cancer myself years later)

With everything still up in the air including the actual date of said surgery I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a sidewalk where everybody is moving forward but me. I'm trying to do what I can now because I know I'm going to be a complete emotional wreck then.

Blessed be

NycRN survivor

Thank you.Yes I was told on here very loose clothing you can pin the drains to that doesn't put too much pressure as ones surgical bra will be doing that enough.

I already know emotionally it's going to hit hard once it's done especially after the dressings are off and healed and there one stands with the nippleless fake looking boobs full of scars. Thankfully they will be changing the dressings as I straight up said I can't deal with it I'm going to have a hard enough time with the physical restrictions. I will face it once it doesnt  look like Frankensteins bride freshly made.

Amica 

Thank you.

Sadly I don't have a credit card so that's out. I don't have much of an appetite for a few days thanks to anesthesia so mostly it will be almond milk with something for a boost and fruit cups maybe cheese sticks? Will be freezing soup and cooked cut up chicken for wraps.

I will be calling places tommorow and next week. I'm hoping at some point to actually have a surgery date to give for timeline.

Blessed be 

I think I've messed up when naming  people on here my apologies.