Learning to deal with friends just not being there.... :(

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I know so many just don't know what to say and I get that. BUT what is so frustrating is last week on my birthday (which is especially hard anyway as I was diagnosed on my 40th 2 years ago) only one friend called to say: we should get together sometime, of course hasn't happened yet and as far as anyone else. The obligatory FB HBD messages, but I feel that so many just don't want to "bother" me. I know this is really silly but has just been really bothering me the past few days. I hated to call up people and say: hey it's my birthday want to go to lunch?? Sorry for the rant.. just needed to vent I guess...

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  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 833
    edited August 2018

    Hello - 40 is tough. I was diagnosed a few months past my 40th. I had a group of friends who organized meals and would drop them off...but either they were genuinely worried about giving me a cold, or it was easier emotionally for them to use that as an excuse to drop the food and run. Literally. I needed people to talk to and just be normal with!

    I've concluded that so many people (it seems in their 30s and 40s) who haven't had to deal with "it CAN happen to you" just are afraid. My BEST friend referred to me once as "you know, people like you who have cancer". People like me? Non smoker, light drinker, not over weight...people like YOU! It gets better when you find yourself at a function with them, finally, and you have a normal conversation and you can see the fog lifting as they realize, duh, you're still you. It sucks. Sorry! Another lame ass side effect of this stupid disease.

  • LoveFromPhilly
    LoveFromPhilly Member Posts: 1,308
    edited August 2018

    Hey I totally get it!

    It is like hey guys, did you forget about me over here?

    I think that having a cancer diagnosis really brings forth the people who are comfortable with it and will love you as much as they can and it pushes away the folks that we don't need in our lives at this time because they aren't doing us any justice.

    I am experiencing a similar experience with an old group of friends that I am now realizing are very wrapped up in unhealthy behaviors. One of them told me she is using drugs because she was too upset by my diagnosis. I cannot deal with this blame and lack of this person's ability to self-reflect. Too much energy that I don't have. Also, sad that she's using drugs. All a bummer!

    BUT we get to clean out our bodies and emotional worlds of ALL toxic things - including people! I say a prayer for them, grieve the loss, and have to move on.

    Hugs!

  • LoveFromPhilly
    LoveFromPhilly Member Posts: 1,308
    edited August 2018

    Oh yeah and one more thing - I too was diagnosed on my 40th birthday last year.

    Oddly - a common thing.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited August 2018

    I was older when I was DX but it seems reactions or lack of from friends is the same. I get they are afraid. It’s not like we have leprosy but you can’t convinced some people that BC isn’t contagious.

    I tried not to be so self absorbed with my DX and I turned to people who had been through it. Several family members including my sister and SIL were also DX.

    I found solace with ladies in my church support group. They all understand of course. That helps.

    On the home front I kept my game face on so I didn’t alarm my son anymore than I had to. Several of his friends lost their mothers to cancer so he was pretty scared he would too.

    Time helps. So far, so good I’m 7 years out this month.

    Diane

  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited August 2018

    Since your “friends” didn’t


    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU🎶🎶🎂🍷🎶

  • shockleygirl76
    shockleygirl76 Member Posts: 2
    edited August 2018

    Awwww thanks SO much!! I really appreciate that.

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