Nightmare is messing with my coping ability

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Lexica
Lexica Member Posts: 259
edited August 2018 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am working on the whole dealing with the 'new normal' after cancer treatment and trying to figure out what to freak out about and what not to. I have a feeling this will go on for a while. A few weeks ago, I found a lump in my armpit on the cancer side. The lump is only really palpable/visible when I lift my arm over my head and it feels 'attached' to a tight muscle or tendon somewhere in there. I am still very tight on the cancer side compared to the non-cancer side due to the ALND. I had a clean PET in January and a clear CTC test in April. I have an Ultrasound scheduled in 4 days.

I know that this is not likely anything but scar tissue or something like that. But, last night I had a very realistic dream of sitting in my MO's office getting the bad news. I was doing fine coping and dealing with the 'scanxiety' until that stupid damned dream. Now I'm shaking and can't think of anything else. WTF - why did my brain have to go and do that...seriously. Ugh. Just needed somewhere to go with all this mess in my head. Thanks for reading, and if you have any hopeful stories of experiencing something similar and it being scar tissue/cording/anything BENIGN...please share. I could really use it right now.

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited July 2018

    Lexica - bless your heart we all understand your anxiety.

    I have not experienced scar tissue but my SIL has. She felt something similar and it turn out to be just that. She continues to have it monitored just to be onthe safe side. So far, so good. She’s multiple years out from her DX.

    Try not to worry. I know easier said but it probably is scar tissue given your recent all clears. I’m not a doctor of course so only my opinion.

    Keep us posted.

    Diane




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  • Lexica
    Lexica Member Posts: 259
    edited July 2018

    Thank you, Diane.

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  • Cpeachymom
    Cpeachymom Member Posts: 518
    edited July 2018

    Lexica- I can sympathize! I’ve had two dreams of me going back in for more cancer surgery. I’ve been assured the things I’m feeling are “normal post op/ post rads changes”. But no imaging. My SO agreed to a screening mri as I was due for my mammogram anyway. I will be holding my breath for the “all clear” for both of us!

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  • Lexica
    Lexica Member Posts: 259
    edited July 2018

    I know it peachymom! Thanks.

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited August 2018

    I know where your coming from sorta, I'm just at the beginning of diagnosis where a lot of things haven't been answered yet  and I had a bad dream recently that I got an envelope from pathology and it said I had a liver mets, a 3cm tumour. Logically I know I wouldn't receive that news in the mail but a part of me wonders if it's telling me what's coming.

    It was the last thing I needed from my subconcious when I'm still facing the unknown.

    It sucks that our brains can make things feel/seem worse then they are.

    Good luck

    Blessed be

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