Issues re:forced chemical menopause

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Jadedjo
Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
edited July 2018 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I don't know why but the fact No matter what treatment I receive is going to not let me slide into menopause but be thrown in the deep end kicking and screaming is bothering me more then the bloody breast cancer diagnosis. 

Iits already killing my soul by the fact that "mom" is not a title I'm going to have in the future. It's also devestating  that wife isn't going to be a title that I ever carry either. Nobody wanted me before this they sure aren't going to want me after my body has been mutilated.

It's not the cancer that's making me cry so hard I gasp for air.it's that ,the small little spark of hope that I could still be able to be both or at least one (adoption of i hasn't gotten BC),is now completely gone.

I can't even watch freaking movies at this point.i burst into tears when I see couples or people being parents to kids.

How am i supposed to fight for my life when watching other people have one in fiction  and reality makes me realize  what little I had to fight for is dead.

Sorry for the Debbie downer.


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  • Lisey
    Lisey Member Posts: 1,053
    edited July 2018

    Jadedjo, My comment is not to criticize at all, but merely a suggestion.  Many people miss what they don't have - it's a form of attachment.  The best way to conquer it is to dive into helping others.  Join a charity that helps children, become a big sister to a foster kid, do something that makes the world a better place.  Finding meaning is so important and not everyone marries or has children - yet they can find enormous fulfillment focusing not on what they don't have - but helping make a difference in the world.  

    For example.. I crochet and do art.  Even if I wasn't married, or a mother, I could make baby blankets for foster kids and donate paintings to wildlife organizations, I find meaning in what I give, not what I have.  

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited July 2018

    @lisey

    I wish it were that simple for me. I used to do the crochet thing for others,from baby blankets to couch cover ups to bed blankets. A couple for people who were ill and confined to the couch.while I felt ok that someone could get use out of something I made it didn't really give me much joy or contentment. Same thing with volunteering. Being able to help felt ok but I got nothing from it.

    I do my best but then i just feel letdown to see all those who got what I always wanted but don't appreciate it.

    Being kind and giving doesn't replace people you grow older with whether it be your child or your significant other. 

    I understand what your telling me but for some people like me that doesn't work. I don't know. Maybe I'm just to broken for it to work.

    Blessed be.

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  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 1,540
    edited July 2018

    Jadedjo:

    I didn't have time to do any fertility preserving treatments but you might. Try to get an appointment with a fertility specialist or oncological ob/gyn to discuss your options.

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited July 2018

    Unfortunately it's not covered here and I don't have the cash to do it. Also my age pretty much disqualifies me from anything due to me being over 40. I've known people who have had kids to their mid 40's so there was always that small chance before the BC.

    The cancer didn't just take away my ability to procreate, it took away my chances to adopt. By the time I pass the acceptable mark  I will be close to 50 and considered too old to adopt,even less likely when your single. 

    Unless your a celebrity with a bank account full of money. Sadly I'm not.

    Thank you.

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  • Icietla
    Icietla Member Posts: 1,265
    edited July 2018

    Jadedjo, you can always adopt an adult.

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  • Lisey
    Lisey Member Posts: 1,053
    edited July 2018

    Or foster... many seniors foster kids.  There's so much you can do... instead of focusing on what you can't, try to think of what you can. 

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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited July 2018

    What a great idea, Lisey. I have thought a lot about being a foster Mom myself, but I have my hands full with teens who have autism. My state DHS is desperate for people to foster; I wish I could help, but I need to help my sons reach adulthood first.

    In some cases, fostering can lead to adoption if the child's parents are permanently unable to care for him/her.

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  • Jadedjo
    Jadedjo Member Posts: 469
    edited July 2018

    Thanks 

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  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 1,540
    edited July 2018

    Jadejo:

    There are options other than IVF to preserve fertility during treatments. I could not afford IVF either but I had a consultation scheduled for the other treatments...drugs that protect the ovaries during chemotherapy. The doctor had to cancel a week before my first infusion and I couldn't get in to see anyone else on such short notice. But you might have time.

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