My question for BC fighters & survivors

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DeepWaters
DeepWaters Member Posts: 73
edited July 2018 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

When I'm at the breast cancer center I see women in turbans or otherwise clearly looking like they are in a true battle. There I sit, undiagnosed, looking and feeling fit. My first reaction is to say a little prayer for the woman. My second reaction is fear as I wonder if I'm staring at my own fate. And my third reaction is that I wonder what it is they are thinking when they see me and other healthy-looking women in the waiting areas and dressing rooms.

I know most of these women have a lot on their plates and likely don't give me a moment's thought. But I hate that my presence there (an impostor in the BC world) might be a source of any discomfort or uneasiness for woman already struggling with so much. Would any of you ladies who have been there—the turban wearing, IV pushing crowd—be willing to share your thoughts?

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  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited July 2018

    Personally, I wouldn’t worry about it, you have a need to be there too but I get it. My BFF came to visit from out of state and went with me to one of my IV treatments, I returned from the restroom and she was in tears. I realized that although I look and feel good (even at stage IV with brain mets), she saw those looking a bit fragile and thin and it freaked her out.

    My only caution would be to remember to be respectful in your conversations, you can’t always tell what someone is dealing with by their appearance and they by yours. Good luck!

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  • DeepWaters
    DeepWaters Member Posts: 73
    edited July 2018

    Illimae, thanks for your response. Yes, it was not too long ago when I was the only caregiver for my aunt (who was my godmother) as she went through BC. I had more than one reaction like your friend early on when my aunt was doing well but we saw those in full battle. Eventually she had Stage 4 triple negative metastatic BC which has spread to her brain. It was tough. But we did experience more than one time when the conversations of others was incredibly inappropriate. Once I sort of gave a glare to a couple sitting near us. Their older relative and a caregiver had been called back into the office. They remained in the waiting room and sat there discussing funeral arrangements! I was f urious. Luckily they caught my eye and my drift and said, "We'll discuss this later." Geez....my aunt was sitting there with the turban on and clearly looking quite ill. Why the heck would they have THAT conversation there!?


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  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited July 2018

    Wow, discussing funeral arrangements in for have setting is outrageous! People always tell me I’ll beat it, lol or recommend juicing 😒, no one suspects a thing.

    FYI, sometimes I feel a bit sorry for those of you undiagnosed, the worry is insane, at least I have answers and a plan forward.

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  • DeepWaters
    DeepWaters Member Posts: 73
    edited July 2018

    Illimae, thanks so much for the sympathy of the worry us undiagnosed go through. Frankly after so much time and so many procedures as a high risk breast patient--I mostly assume it's not a matter of "if" but "when". I'm not borrowing trouble. It's just I have this feeling--not a fear--a feeling, that BC is in my future. Perhaps it's from watching too many female relatives go through it. I did get sort of jumped on for being undiagnosed and being here on the site on a thread I started a few months ago called "Weird reaction" or something like that. I was posting in the right place but I guess offense was taken that I didn't understand or was insensitive to what BC patients are going through. Nothing could be further from the truth!


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