Lost all hope

Hi JadeJo--

You put a lot out there in your post, and that was brave Jade...so rock on! - Jade I am happy you have a counselor to see. Jade you have a lot on your plate that medically impacts how you feel mentally...your diabetes, your PCOS, etc, in addition to the experiences of life that have impacted you as well. Has anyone helped you navigate any of that? I am not sure what kind of mental support you have had up to this point....I hope that you have or can find solid mental health support ....I'm sorry you are struggling this way ..and I am sending you a cyber hug. There is hope out there, there is positivity out there... I think at some point we all think WTH? This is it? Life doesn't turn out like anything we planned or you find yourself walking down a road you never expected....some people recover better vs others from those feelings. Don't stay stuck there Jade, seriously I hope your counselor is someone who is able to truly help you and that he or she is connected to a mental health center/ program that addresses all aspects of mental health...

JadeJo there is still a chance your biopsy will turn out benign...and regardless of "feeling you are out of luck" because trust me you are not alone in feeling that way....seriously so many women and men with and without cancer feel that way... getting through treatment like a mastectomy is very doable- yes you can wipe your butt, yes you can move, yes women who are overweight get reconstruction, yes with your diabetes and hypertension you will get through your surgery...treatment is obviously a choice, a personal choice, but once again there are many treatment modalities and they are all doable with diabetes, PCOS, hypertension, excess weight... so try not to go "this won't work for me" too quickly. You have to give yourself a chance...you have to have insight Jade to the importance and value that you bring - every one of us matters... cancer diagnosis or no cancer diagnosis - I am sending my hope to you that you will get support to help find a better place mentally..because you are worth it JadeJo.

Jade,

We're very concerned for your state of mind and that you can't find suitable help. We urge you to please, please seek immediate, professional assistance. You may call 911 (or, if not in the United States, the comparable emergency number in your country), visit a hospital emergency room, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255). They will help you find someone who can work with you to see that life IS worth living, and help you work through your emotions. Please don't give up -- we're all here for you!

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

--The Mods

We're happy to hear you'll be discussing this with your counselor and we encourage you to please ask her for some recommendations for further treatment/help.

We know it's hard to see right now, but maybe, just maybe, there will be a lesson in all of this for you -- perhaps you'll come out on the other side of treatment with a new perspective of life, find meaning and something worthy to live for, and learn to live again. Please don't give up on yourself -- you're important to us!

Please continue to keep us posted with what you find out about your potential diagnosis, and how your counselor directs you for more help. We are all here to support you, too!

--The Mods

Jadedjo, I'm sorry for all you are going through. I won't try to cheer you up, but I hope you will hang in there. Sometimes life is tragic and unfair, and it's natural to feel devastated by that. If enough things go wrong, any one of us could reach a breaking point. Still, I hope you will be able to find your way through, in a way that makes sense for you.

I really hope your biopsy is benign. If it's not benign, it's reasonable for you modify your treatment plan because of your other health issues. Your oncology team should be willing to work with you on that. If they aren't helpful, try to find another team. Also, you may not need a mastectomy - you may very well be a candidate for a lumpectomy with radiation. I've done both, and especially if you're larger breasted, the cosmetic outcome of a lumpectomy is usually great. I don't blame you for not wanting to lose your breasts, and you may not have to. Ask your medical team. If you do need a mastectomy, you should still be able to use the bathroom and walk around just fine. Reconstruction options are not necessarily off the table, but if you don't want to reconstruct, prosthetics are covered by insurance, even when you're in poverty. There are also knitted knockers, which are free, and you can use those in the meantime until you get your permanent prosthetic.

Breast cancer is not an easy road, but just remember.... other's experiences will not necessarily be yours. Some people make it though with minimally invasive surgery and no chemo. It wasn't that way for me, but it might be for you. Hugs and please keep us posted.

Jadedjo, how can we help you? You are clearly in a very bad place, but came here to share your story and sorrows. To me, that means you are looking for support. Please let us know what we can do.

Jadedjo:

I had hormone problems for years and you are right, that can definitely make the world seem dark, and when I was in those dark moods, it was very difficult to feel that the world wouldn't always be that way. It got to a point where I was worried I would never be back to my happy normal self again but that resolved when I got on the proper treatment. So trust me as someone who has been through it, things can get better even if they seem like they never will. Let your pms pass, let someone in yout life who cares about you know what you are going through, like a family member or friend, and find a good set of doctors, including a good endocrinologist (I know, hard to find but they exist), and find a support group for young people with cancer. And about your breasts, the medical community is very good at reconstruction these days and if you have a lot of fat you have a lot of options as you can do natural reconstruction and get a tummy tuck out of it.

Hey Jade, I am very sorry they confirmed a bc diagnosis. That is just sh*tty luck for you. I understand your life has a large number of messed up events. I don't agree that we all have to stay positive to stay alive. In actuality, I think my ongoing low level of boiling, volcanic rage has acted as fuel to help me get through the mess that the bc industry made of my life, health and finances. Like a volcano, my rage is dormant, and under the surface and occasionally errupts, much to the surprise of my rather dense husband.

It is ok to feel completely pissed off and screwed over by events. If you can not be positive, well don't worry about it. It might improve later for you, I mean who knows? Could happen. I am still here and not a positive bc role model, by any stretch. I am still pretty damned resentful and pissed, and doubt it is going to change. I just keep going forward, irregardless.

The important thing is to treat yourself well, be as kind to yourself as you can. Treat yourself like you wish everyone would treat you. Take the important quality of life steps as often as you can. You know, like see your Counselor ( can help quite a bit to unload some of those complicated and negative emotions to a kind and caring face). Eat something good for you, as well as tasty, every day. Spend time with a friend who knows you, and can offer support. Go outside in Nature as often as you can. Read a distracting book, or see a distracting movie. What you do to help yourself doesn't have to cost much, I understand being broke. Just do what you can, when you can. Take time to gather your strength, as the shock of bc is huge and seems overwhelming.

We are here for you, a greatly supportive and simultaneously fractous family of women from across the globe who are fighting for our lives, while taking the time to hold out a hand to a sister in greater need than our own.

Wishing you better days ahead .

Because we are all different, our responses to a cancer diagnosis are as well. Some are ready to fight, some are resigned, some give up. Almost everyone is somewhat lost and panicky in the beginning.

I never felt particularly positive or brave. I just plodded along, putting one foot in front of the other. These days it's like a weird dream - I can't hardly believe all that's happened. I don't feel empowered by this journey. Mostly I feel tired of it and a little sad for myself and grateful for a positive outcome (so far).

Try to not stress too much about the future and your treatment. I know that it's hard not to do that. But until you know more - you'll just be wasting your energy. And when you learn all the details about your cancer and the plans for treatment, try to take it step by step.

Your situation is more complicated than some but not unheard of. If your doctors are aware of your physical and emotional concerns then a plan can be made to adjust for them. Take advantage of the social work opportunities through the cancer center to get help.

And check in here with questions as they come up. This was truly a lifeline for me. I love that you're already considering how you can help others down the road!

Jadedjo:

I would have been more than happy to stay with you and help you out if I were in Canada. Unfortunalty my ancestors that went through that way stopped in St. John's just to birth my great great great grandfather and then moved on to what became the U.S. and now Canada won't take me even if I become a grain farmer (I've done my research).

I like your thinking to step up and be the type of person for others who you would like to exist in the world. I did a similar thing and I am glad I did. I worked in a male dominated field and while the men were generally welcoming and pleasant to work with, women often face unique obstacles in male dominated environments that men don't and often could use female mentors who understand the situation. But a lot of the women I encountered who had managed to get in to leadership positions in male dominated environments were the rare exceptions who did so on their own and were of the mentality that if a woman couldn't make it on her own like they did, they didn't belong. I didn't like that mentality so, like you, I decided to be the type of person to other women that I wished was there for me when I was younger and it's nice knowing I have made someone's life a little easier than mine was and that they didn't have to go through what I did because I was there for them.

I'm happy to say there has been a net positive effect.