IDC mothering during treatment

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RLoveC
RLoveC Member Posts: 2
edited July 2018 in Just Diagnosed

Hi all,

I am 36yo and was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma last week, and am awaiting the specific tests and a treatment plan later this week. It is in at least 1 but probably 3 lymph nodes... So best guess is stage IIB or IIIA...

The immediate problem is that it came at a horrible time for my family (well, when is a good time for cancer, haha). We were planning to move to a big city where I would work fulltime and my husband would focus on grad school. Now those plans are up in the air and dependent on my treatment plan. We also have a 1 and 3 year old who require a lot of energy when not at daycare! We are already accepting that he will need to seek a normal job so that I can scale back on work for awhile. And get help from our parents with the kids.

My main question is... assuming that I will get a good combo of surgery, radiation, and chemo... Will I be laid out and unable to deal with the high-energy demands of a small apartment in the middle of a big city? Should we scrap this move and build life in a more low-key relaxing environment where we can spread out in a big house?

I wish we had all the time in the world to consider and then make a new plan designed around my treatment schedule... but of course the world continues to move and we need to make a few decisions now.

Even though I don't have all the details of my diagnosis and treatment, any tips from survivors would be wonderful

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  • Leatherette
    Leatherette Member Posts: 448
    edited July 2018

    I think it would make sense to wait for the treatment plan before putting too much energy into making decisions. Personally, I am glad that nothing familiar changed while going through treatment. Some people thrive with lots of things and newness going on, but I’m not that way, and even less so during all of this.

    I’d ask myself:

    Which location would be easier in terms of getting the support from your parents, friends and community? Can you get good treatment conveniently from your current home, or would the new city improve that a lot? If you are not able to work during treatment, which location is better in terms of cost, work options for your husband?

    If your husband has already been accepted to grad school, they should be able to defer entrance for a year.

    It sucks to have to put exciting plans on hold because of cancer, but focus on your health and sanity for now.


    Best,

    L.



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  • moth
    moth Member Posts: 4,800
    edited July 2018

    I'd go wherever life would be simpler & wherever you have a larger network of family & friends. If all goes well, you won't need them much, but I had 2 unexpected hospitalizations during chemo (5 days each) even though I'm normally a healthy, fit active person. You just never know how things will go. My kids are grown up so they're self sufficient but with small ones it would have been very difficult. With little kids, I'd want to stick close to the area where you know there are people who will pick up kids from daycare. or drop off some groceries, or come sleep at your house if necessary etc.



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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited July 2018

    I agree with both ladies. My kids are grown too so I don’t have your dilemma with little ones. I would definitely not make a decision until you know what your treatments will be.

    You are right there is never a convenient time to get cancer. You have a lot on your plate already. De-stress as much as you can. You do need to focus on your health right now. You are young and doctors tend to order more aggressive treatments for younger women.

    You can do this. We are all testaments of that. Support is key. Your husband and family I’m sure will pitch in and help. Don’t hesitant to ask for support from friends too.

    Keep us posted.

    Diane

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2018

    Hi RLoveC-

    You've already gotten a lot of support from members here, but we just wanted to say that we're all here for you! We hope you can lean on this community when you need it most.

    The Mods

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  • RLoveC
    RLoveC Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2018

    Thanks to all of you. It is so reassuring to send out a question into the ether and have women who have actually lived it chime in. Even if it is such a big question that there is no right answer. None of my friends or living family have been through this so I cannot express how nice it is to find this online community.

    No decisions will be made until after my treatment plan is set. Thanks for reiterating that point! Yes my treatment is our famiily's top priority.

    Based on your responses we had a few talks about our family/friends support system in the different locations. I had probably been underestimating that. It is important and will be the next factor when making the decision.

    I am one of those people who thrive on the new and challenging! Today I feel optimistic and ready to start my fight! Cannot wait to get this plan in place with my oncologists tomorrow.

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  • star2017
    star2017 Member Posts: 827
    edited July 2018

    RLoveC, I was pregnant and had two other kids when I was diagnosed. It was difficult, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I was tired (and sometimes achy) but not particularly sick from the chemo. Radiation wasn't terrible either, just rough because it was daily. I did learn to take pain meds or anti-nausea meds when symptoms started, so that they didn't get overwhelming. I only took anti-nausea meds twice, through the 4.5 months of chemo, and even then I wasn't feeling too sick, just a little something.

    There are a lot of doctors appointments throughout this process, so it definitely helps to have grandparents, a partner with a flexible schedule, and other babysitting help around, so you don't have to worry about scheduling too much. I was also hospitalized due to a fever (ended up not being serious, but it took almost four days to confirm that). Again, go where there's a great support network, easiest access to good doctors you like, etc. Also, I do agree that you can wait to make a final decision until there's a clear treatment plan.

    Best wishes to you. Please let me know if you have any questions.



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  • msphil
    msphil Member Posts: 1,536
    edited July 2018

    hello sweetie I was 42 making wedding plans for Our 2nd marriages so I went thru what if. But i went thru with treatment plans and Thank God I got 3mo chemo before n after surgery Lmast then We got married(kept Our plans in place) then rads 7wks and 5yrs on Tamoxifen. When all treatment done on Our Honeymoon. Its been 24yrs this yr Praise God. ms Phil idc stage2 0/3nodes Lmast chemo rads 5yrs Tamoxifen. Hope Hope. Positive thinking

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